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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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daisyduck Offline
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Question abuse - August 7th 2011, 12:08 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi, So i've been wondering about this for a while and i was thinking that maybe some of you could give some insight. My house has always been a warzone. Everyones always screaming at each other, fighting, and i being the "problem child" that's "sick" have become the scapegoat. I'm the only one that every get's criticized and i'm the only one that ever get's punished.

I used to have some behavioral problems, which in turn have been thought to be due to some anxiety. All i ever wanted was for my parents to listen to me. Just a chance for them to hear me. So i would sit in front of doors during argument and block hallways, refusing to move. My dad would pick me up and hurl me to the ground ( by a staircase i might add). There were other times when he would grab me, squeezing me so hard it left red marks, or forcibly remove me from other places. I would occasionally get slapped upside the head or even in the face by my mom. It's gotten better now that i've learned to keep to myself but i was recently tested (IQ etc as well as pysch stuff) and i had to tell the psychologist everything. For the first time someone called it abuse. I had never thought of it that way. The same thing happened when i was having a breakdown and told the guidance counselor at school i had gotten my hand shut in a door when my dad knew it was there and he asked if i needed him to call child services. i never really thought of it that way. I always thought it was my fault because i was such a bad kid. What do you think about this?

Also more recently the name calling/ insults have gotten so much worse. It went from my parents calling me , a b*tch, deranged, etc etc to the continuation of that but with the addition of my sisters hateful words. She says nasty things on a day to day basis. Just to name a few: idiot, b*tch, that i need to kill myself., that i should cut my ears off, that she's going to kill me, that when i did they're going to replace me with a giraffe. She isn't kidding either. The other day she actually went to the knife drawer and tried to get a knife.
Is this becoming emotional abuse or is it just bad family dynamics?

I'm just so sick of all this. My depression is getting worse because i'm getting in slumps more often, and i have more panic attacks from the ptsd/anxiety then i ever did before. I can't wait to get out of here.

Note : both the ptsd/anxiety and depression have been diagnosed. i'm not self diagnosis.
   
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Re: abuse - August 7th 2011, 12:51 AM

Samantha,
This is definitely, absolutely, a very extremely severe case of abuse. Nobody deserves this treatment under any circumstance and they have no right to do this to you; nothing that is happening is your fault in any way whatsoever. In addition if anything it sounds like many of the emotional problems you have been going through, the depression, the panic attacks, the PTSD, are all a result of this intense abuse. You definitely need to get out of the situation as soon as possible. Indeed I highly recommend reporting it.
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Re: abuse - August 7th 2011, 01:19 AM

i know it's not good. It makes me feel terrible. I just don't know because
1. i haven't been physically harmed in a while ( the hand thing was in june) and i try to stay out of the way
2. i'm afraid people would take my parents word over mine
3. i only have a year left at home
4. i don't want to lose my college fund/trust fund--- i know this shouldn't matter but i plan on med school... i can't afford that on my own


but maybe if i figure out the ptsd is from this... my therapist will have to say something
   
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Re: abuse - August 7th 2011, 02:02 AM

Hey Samantha,

I'm so sorry this is happening. Although, I'm really proud of you for accepting that you need help and consulting someone about all of this is really a healthy step. Seeing how you've received help I think the next step would be to keep sharing anytime something happens at home with the people who are supposed to help you. I think the best thing for you to do is to move in with a friend or something. Home isn't a healthy place for you currently. Don't let your parents scare you into silence. Let me know if I can help out in any way.
Stay strong dearie,
Jenn <3



Don't you know you're lovely?
Jenn <3
   
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Re: abuse - August 7th 2011, 04:23 AM

So it's really late, well early, and i've just been laying in bed thinking and somehow my mind wandered to my last panic attack. It was in a store, and my sister was mad at everyone. I had thought that the whole thing was weird because i didn't know what caused it but i think it was that all along. I was scared she would hurt me, say something nasty, or that my parents would say something mean and get in a bad mood.
It's nice to have figured out that this whole mess might be the cause of the ptsd.
Maybe i'm scared all the time because of this. Maybe the nightmares are because of all this. Maybe i have a huge startle response because of this.

I need to get out. I shouldn't have to isolate myself to avoid getting emotionally hurt.
But it's not like my parents have physically hurt me in a while and people will probably just call the thing with my sister sibling rivalry. No one will believe me over my dad.

Tears are streaming down my face and all i want is to talk to my therapist but i don't see her for 3 weeks and an hour long session isn't long enough for this realization.
   
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