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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Exclamation was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 02:20 PM

hi. i don't know if i was abused or not. no one ever told me about it or anything... but yesterday i was looking for the top of my cheer uniform cause i had a really early practice this morning... my mom likes to sit on her bed while folding laundry so she keeps it up there. anyway... i know she has a stash of sweet-tarts in her bedside table (she's a sucker for those things!) so while i was looking through the huge pile of yet-to-be-folded clothes on her bed i opened the drawer and quickly realized that i had opened the wrong drawer but something in the drawer i had opened caught my eye. is was like a little chest. i tried to open it, but it was locked. so i looked on the outside. on the base in the top left corner was a word written in tiny letters. it was my name. my gut told me i HAD to get the key to that chest, so i looked before my mom got home. i got to work tearing apart her room and couldn't find anything. finally, i decided to just call it a day. she got home and went straight up to her room, but left her purse in the car and asked me to go grab it for her. so i went to the car, got it, closed the door, and started looking through her purse. it the bottom was a tiny little ear-ring case. i opened it and there was a key. quickly, i slipped it in my pocket and then ran the bag up to her. i spent hours on end last night thinking about what could be in the chest thingy. she dropped me off at practice this morning, and i had managed to hide the key in my bag. when she came to pick me up she announced that she and my sister were going to a family friends house. i told her i was wiped and just wanted to take a shower and a nap so she dropped me off at home. the minute she left i took a soda and ran straight upstairs to the chest... but i was way too scared to open it. it could be anything. but ever since i found the key i've been thinking maybe i might've been abused. i can't think of anything else. it just seems to fit. its a slim chance, but its a valid one. so i'm on my laptop in my room right now with the chest and key right next to me and i have no idea what to do. they won't be back until tonight, or they might even spend the night over there. its at least an hour away... but this might be my best chance. should i open it? i don't want to talk to my mom about this quite yet. i'm scared. what should i do? please help.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 03:56 PM

i think you should open it. You could be worrying about nothing and you won't know until you open it. It sounds like it might be a baby box, you know when your parents save a lock of your hair from your first haircut, things like that. There isn't a reason for you to be scared until you see what's inside. You can do this. You already went to the trouble of finding the chest and the key, why should you let it bother you any more. it might be a huge relief.

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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 04:58 PM

I would say open the box, If it was anything that your mum did not want you knowing I think she would have hidden it and the key somewhere , where you would never ever look or coincidently discover. Usually if parents don't want their child knowing something they go to great lengths to keep it that, like locking it away in a safe with a lock and a combination and then hiding the key and not telling you the combination that sort of thing. I think you should open the box, you will probably just find a few bits in there like a bracelet from when you were little, your tag they put round your foot or wrist when you are born. Your first tooth you lost. that sort of thing. I don't think the box means that you were abused. Open the box and find out.



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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 05:06 PM

i've never seen it in there before... and what scares me is it can't be a baby box cause she did make one for me with locks of hair and hospital bracelets and stuff and she's shown it to me before its in her closet and she says i'm welcome to go through it any time... i guess i'm just scared of whats inside.. so yeah i'll open it i guess...


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 05:11 PM

okay... i just opened it. inside theres... a letter (it's unopened), a bunch of pictures (I haven't looked at them yet they're in one of those kodak printable things), a couple folded up hospital papers, a MAAD ribbon, a switch blade, a bag full of bottle tops, and folded up shirt. i haven't touched anything yet... what now?


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 05:42 PM

Maybe you should talk to your mum, and let you know you found it and thought it was your baby box and would have a few baby things in it, but you opened it and discovered other items different to what you were expecting to find and ask her to explain the items and the box to you and open the letter with you there ?



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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 06:27 PM

I'm a little confused as to why your mom having a private box would mean you were abused. I disagree with Lydia, she probably didn't think you'd be going through her drawers in HER nightstand in HER room with the key hidden in HER purse. Now that you've seen it though, you could always ask her what it is. However, she might be angry because you went through her personal things. The only way you'll know what all of that is would be to ask. I think you should consider putting that stuff back first though.



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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 06:56 PM

i've always had suspicions about it... theres a scar on my stomach that i have no idea how it got there and my mom refuses to tell me about it. i can never EVER get close to someone... if i even try i eventually get too scared and back out of it. i'm pretty paranoid and used to have dreams where i was running through our house and someone was following me... i've always been really suspicious about it... and things like this seem to really stir it up. i'm scared to tell my mom. i don't trust her, as much as i should at least. she'll probably yell at me for taking her stuff and then just take it back and leave things like that... so i'm thinking that this might be my only chance to find out but now that im here... im scared to do anything.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 07:03 PM

I still don't quite understand how finding a box would make you think you were abused. But if you really think you were, then you should take the box and stuff and bring them to police. However, if you were abused they very well might take you out of your house. If you weren't, your mom is probably going to be pissed being accused.



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 07:05 PM

i already thought i had been. just little things that led me to believe it... and i would take it to the police but i have no way of getting to the police station first of all and second i don't want to turn anyone in because they would remove me from my home and it woudl just start a lot of stress that i really don't need right now... plus, i want to know the whole story first... i'm just too scared to look at the stuff.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 07:08 PM

Well, if you won't talk to your mom and you can'/won't talk to the police, then I don't really see much else for you to do. We can't tell you for sure if you were or not.



"We all have battle scars, Finn. Suck it up and build a brace for yours."
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 07:09 PM

i know... i guess i'm just confused and scared... idk should i open it and find out for myself or just forget all about it?


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 07:15 PM

I think you should look at the stuff. You've gone to enough trouble finding it, you might as well look at the pictures and ease your mind. i wouldn't open the letter. There's a number of reasons for what it could be. It could just be some items that are important, and personal for her. The box may just have your name on it because it was given to her when you were born and she used it. It may be something she's been saving to give you when you were older which could explain the unopened letter. It may also be things from her past, depending on the hospital papers, it could be the times she stayed there, the knife could be something special, or it could be something she used to use for SH ( i used to keep mine in a locked box), the letter could be something she wrote but never sent, the pictures could be special memories. I agree with tranquilchaos, you shouldn't jump to conclusions regarding abuse. Once you look at things, and if they truly point to abuse, then go to the police, but not before you look at them.

Also regarding the scar on your stomach. could it be that there was an accident or some kind of surgery that you had as a baby? I think you should talk to her about that. Abuse isn't usually a one time thing. So one scar probably doesn't mean much... It, like the things in the box, could be from absolutely anything.

I wish you the best of luck <3
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 07:22 PM

i know... but the scar really doesn't look like an accident. maybe its just my mind... its about and inch and a half long and it's right under my rib cage and it never goes away i guess. i've tried asking her about it countless times. she tries to change the subject but i push further and eventually she just yells "It's not your business! it's nothing that you need to know about!" and then sends me to my room. and yeah i thought about the fact the its only one scar too and decided it couldn't be abuse but the scars only one of the things. theres a tiny little mark on my upper shoulder but i just usually push the thought out of my mind. i try not to go looking for scars...


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:04 PM

from the location and size, it kind of sounds like some kind of surgery. maybe it was some kind of accident that she feels guilty about that required the surgery. if it was abuse, i would think that she might have made up a story to back it up. Have you opened the pictures etc yet? I think it might really ease your mind.

I mean for all you know all of it could be about someone that died or something. It will really help you stop worrying if you just get it over with.
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:09 PM

uhm.. yeah i opened them... i opened everything.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:16 PM

And was there anything to back up your suspicions?



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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:18 PM

i... i really dont wanna talk about this.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:24 PM

I wouldn't right away jump to the conclusion that you were abused and your mom has bad motives for keeping something from you.

Let's look at the possibilities: you were involved in some kind of accident when you were a baby and those things had something to do with the story, or you were adopted and those things tie you in some way to birth parents, or there's some other explanation that you have no way of guessing.

My guess is your mother is keeping those things, instead of throwing them away, because she's intending to talk to you about them someday, maybe when your'e 18 or 21. My advice is put everything back and put it in the back of your mind and someday bring up the box to your mother and ask her if she's going to tell you about it someday. I think it's probably something she didn't want to trouble a child about before they were old enough to understand. Let her keep the secret, whatever it is, until she's ready to tell you.


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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:29 PM

she's never gonna tell me. i don't wanna talk about it. she's never gonna tell me, she was never planning on it. all i really wanna say is that i shouldn't have gone looking for the god damn skittles and none of this would've happened.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:32 PM

It's okay if you want to talk about it, or if you want to forget it. The thoughts and feelings probably won't go away though.


   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:36 PM

i'll make them go away. dont know how but i will.


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

PeacewithImperfection
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 8th 2011, 08:36 PM

Aww Sweetheart, it's fine if you don't want to talk about it. If you do i'm always here for you. Just PM me. Stay Strong. Everybody wants to help you here. <3
   
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Re: was i abused? suspicions... - August 9th 2011, 12:00 AM

It's okay if you want to forget about it, but here's my two cents. My mom has something similar that used to be in her room (now it's in mine, but it's locked). I was able to go through it once & I found similar items (pictures, letters, random objects). The letters ended up being from her parents or articles about their deaths. I'm glad I went through those things, because it gave me more of an insight to my mom's childhood (which, she was abused by her stepfather). She doesn't know I read them, just as my dad doesn't know I've also found letters from his parents. I think it helps me understand my parents better. You didn't say what the pictures were of, so maybe they're not all good like my parents', but just thought I'd share that.
   
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