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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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belle.darcy Offline
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Question Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 10th 2011, 02:34 PM

I am 22 years old and could never swim. I decided it was high time I learnt so I went to a local swimming pool and asked for lessens.

Today was my first lesson. Please tell me if you think what happened is normal.

First off, the teacher (50+ unattractive male) was flirting with me the whole time. He showed me how to move my legs and touched them in order to make it easier for me to understand. Than he suggested that he showed me some pictures of how it should look like. We went to his 'office', I sat on a table that was useful for the moves in question and started trying to move my legs (for brust). That's when he really started groping me. He was touching my inner tighs while I was moving and was asking me if I could feel any particular pressure or pain in those places. Then he moved his hands on my groin, over the swimsuit at first, then under it! He asked me if I was feeling uncomfortable or whether I was getting aroused. I SO wasn't (aroused)! I was feeling like in a badly written erotic story but there was nothing thrilling about the experience. Later ne showed me how to breathe and was touching my bare breasts while doing it. It was a bit like a gyno exam (I've never had one, just felt appropiate to associate it with that).

After that I went back into the water and swam 'till the rest of the lesson.

So... has that ever happened to any of you? Do you think he does it to all his students or did he just take advantage of my ignorance? I am considered pretty and always receive enough attention, so I don't need that. My body language, I am sure, is not screaming 'Look at me! I need you to flirt with me'. Indeed, I believe I am rather cold.

Please... I feel kind of dirty right now and don't know if I will ever consider learning to swim again.
   
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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 10th 2011, 02:39 PM

I think he's a dirty old man, of course you wern't asking for it. You could have been straddling a pole butt naked and still wouldn't deserve this. I would ask to speak to someone at the pool and make a complaint or even going to the police. This man has took advantage of the fact that you'd never been swimming before and used that to fill his sick needs. You can't let him get away with it, what if he does it to someone else and it gets ten times worse. Make a complaint or speak to a friend or the police.

Hope my ramble helped. xx


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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 10th 2011, 02:45 PM

There is no question about it that he crossed a line. He crossed a line the minute he invited you into his office, though maybe sooner, depending on the way he touched you at the pool during your lesson (all I can say is that some people tend to be more naturally touchy than others), and he abused his position of power the moment he started groping you and toying with you under (and over!) your bathing suit. He sounds absolutely peverted and completely inappropriate. I'd do more than take it up with the pool, frankly. I'd take it up with the pool, ring the police, and find another instructor. I imagine he's not stopped at you and he at the very least deserves to be fired. What he did was wrong. He did abuse you. He abused his position of power, and it is sick. You did nothing to deserve it - being "pretty" does not scream "come abuse me."


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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 10th 2011, 02:48 PM

Completely agree with Katie. This man sick and dirty. You should definately tell someone because he was violating your space and your body! I'd go to the police and get him arrested (or fired, or something). Especially since he was actually asking if your were getting aroused - that's sick. Sorry this happened to you! I hope he gets into lots of trouble.


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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 10th 2011, 02:59 PM

Thanks, guys! I am feeling a lot better now.

I don't think I'm gonna go to the police. First of all, I don't have any real evidence against him. Secondly, the police where I live are completely useless anyway. I am definitely not training with him anymore, though. I guess I will just avoid him and do my best to warn potential swimmers to do the same (you know, Internet, forums, comments etc.).

And, btw, I might be a little sick as well, because the whole time he was doing those gross things to me, I was secretly thinking "That would make for such an interesting short story". And by 'interesting' I mean disturbing, forcing you to think kind of fiction. Wanna-be writer, what should I say
   
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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 10th 2011, 04:24 PM

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You may want to go to the police and report him, though. If he had the audacity to do this to you, I'm concerned that there are more people out there that he has done this to.

It's good to hear that you are feeling better. Take care. x


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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 10th 2011, 04:47 PM

Hey

I definatly don't think your sick for thinking about putting your experiences into a story! For one it could help you get your head around the whole event. Writing about it could put things into perspective in your mind, and when your describing feelings and emotions surrounding the incident, your descriptions will be spot on! By doing this it could help other people too, people who have been through something similar as well as those who haven't. As you said, it would force people to think and perhaps even give them an understanding they perhaps hadn't previously had!

All that being said, I am so sorry you had to experience this, you did nothing to lead this to happen. This man is in a position of responsibility and be abused his power doing what he did. I read you were hesitant to speak to the police about this, I completly understand that, and if that's something you don't wish to persue that's completly okay, perhaps you'll change your mind a few months down the line? It's never too late. Would you consider speaking to the staff at your local swimming pool and sharing your concerns with them? If he did this to you, it's likely he could be doing this to other people too, which is completly sick and wrong and needs to stop. If you didn't want to share your entire experience with members of staff (which is okay and understandable!) maybe you could highlight some concerns around his behaviour? It's something to think about anyway

I really hope you are okay, the aftermath of this can't be easy for you, if you ever want to talk about it some more (or about anything else for that matter!) please just get in touch Look after yourself!
   
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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 11th 2011, 02:33 AM

My boyfriend is lifeguard, and I read this to him when we were talking. He said instructors often will touch people's legs to help them move them in the right way, either in the water on on the deck. However, everything else he did was completely inappropriate. Lifeguards have to sign contracts saying they will not abuse their position of power around people in bathing suits. If there were even hints of this behavior, his position would be suspended and an investigation would be launched.

Even if you dont want to go to the police, you really should inform someone at the pool. If he's done this to you, he's done it to others. Some of those other people were likely little kids. Im really sorry that he did that to you, you didnt deserve any of it.
   
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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 11th 2011, 03:11 AM

This behavior definitely constitutes sexual assault and this man should not be in this type of position. I think a report about this should definitely be put on the record, because obviously if he did something like this to you, he could potentially do something worse to someone more vulnerable.
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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 11th 2011, 03:58 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by belle.darcy View Post
Thanks, guys! I am feeling a lot better now.

I don't think I'm gonna go to the police. First of all, I don't have any real evidence against him. Secondly, the police where I live are completely useless anyway. I am definitely not training with him anymore, though. I guess I will just avoid him and do my best to warn potential swimmers to do the same (you know, Internet, forums, comments etc.).

And, btw, I might be a little sick as well, because the whole time he was doing those gross things to me, I was secretly thinking "That would make for such an interesting short story". And by 'interesting' I mean disturbing, forcing you to think kind of fiction. Wanna-be writer, what should I say
If there are other victims your testimony can be used in court to convict if you choose to persist.


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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 11th 2011, 08:43 AM

I think the other posters have got this covered...it was definitely wrong, and it would be good to report it to the pool management or something just in case he's doing it to young kids or something. I just wanted to add that it sounds like you're handling this really well, so good on you don't let that sick bastard make you feel bad about yourself. And I totally understand about wanting to write about the experience...as someone who attempts to write, that thought goes through my mind all the time!


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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 11th 2011, 01:03 PM

That sounds awful. even if you don't want to report it to the police I would definitely report him at his workplace, because it's a serious issue if he feels that he can take advantage of young women like that. :/


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Re: Swimming lessons: is this how they usually go, or was I abused? - August 11th 2011, 07:53 PM

Report him to the pool and the cops. He could be doing the same thing to twelve year old girls. For the sake of everyone report him.

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