I don't know..

[Buckie]

So.. I just need someone to tell me if I'm just being stupid, or if I have a right to feel like I was raped.
I was at a party, and had too much to drink, and was at the bathroom puking when he first came. He asked me if I was okay, and told me to open the door so that he could get in. I knew him a bit before this party (I live in the smallest town ever so..). The rest of the night he was really sweet to me, and we did a little kissing and stuff. He asked me over and over if I could come to his place and watch a movie with him (something I knew meant sex) so I said that I didnt want to. I got tired of him asking me over and over, so I said that I was tired and that I wanted to go to my mom's house (where I was staying that night) He lives about 50 meters from her (and the party was right in the middle of our houses), so about 10 min he came knocked at the window and asked me to open the door for him. I did, and he came in and started kissing me again, and took off my clothes. I didn't say "no" out loud, but I told him I really wanted to go to bed, and asked him if we could talk the next day or something. But he just contiued, and it ended up with us having sex.
When he left I got into the showers and cried for about an hour, feeling terrible.
The next day I told myself to get over it, and just forget it ever happened. But then I talked to my friend (who held the party) and she told me that He came up to their house after it had happened and told her and her boyfriend (and probably more people). She is a good friend of his as well, so she didn't really tell me what he said, or how he said it. But I feel like he came up there making fun of me.
I haven't talked to him since. I've met him around, but I ignore him as much as he ignores me. I'm scared to go to places where I know he could be, and I don't ever want to see him again.

I know I'm probably making a big deal out of nothing, but to me it is alot. I am that kind of person who hates the way I look. The last 8 years (probably more), he and one other guy is the only people who has seen me naked, or close to naked, so it's not an easy thing for me.

So just tell me if I'm just being stupid. It's been over a year now, and I really just want to forget it, but I just can't let it go. I hate myself for not being clear enough, and I just wonder if he should have taken a point?


(Sorry for writing so much...)

[Le bonheur*]

Hey, I'm so sorry this happened. I believe he did take advantage of you due to the situation. I can't tell you if you were raped or not, that's entirely your call. But if you feel like you were raped then that's how you feel. You're not stupid for feeling the way that you do. It takes a lot for someone to get over something so traumatic. Have you talked to anyone about the situation besides the friend who held the party? Maybe if you used coping mechanisms such as talking, writing, etc. you could let it go like you want to. Stay strong, you're not stupid, and if you ever wanna talk don't hesitate to PM me.

-Brittany x

[Buckie]

Thanks for your answer Brittany!
I haven't told anybody about it. That friend only knows that we had sex, and of course he has told more people, so there are alot of people who knows that now. I can't tell anybody how I feel about it. They would just say that it's my fault for not being clear enough. And besides, I don't really have anybody I can talk openly to so I just keep my problems to myself. Alot easier that way.!

[Le bonheur*]

Ugh, I can't believe he told a lot of people. That's so utterly wrong!

It may seem easier to keep your feelings and problems to yourself but I read your post and you seem pretty upset over this situation. With that said, if you ever want to talk about the situation, or anything else, feel free to message me! I won't judge and I definitely will listen to you.

This is NOT your fault. You were intoxicated, yes. But he shouldn't of taken advantage of you like this.

Keep in mind that we're all here for you. We care