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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Question Feelings for my rapist- is this normal? - August 12th 2011, 02:10 PM

I dated him for 8 years on and off- we dated a long time before doing anything sexual, but as soon as we started I realized I wasn't ready. He raped me. He's the only guy I've ever truly trusted, felt comfortable around- and could tell anything to. Even after what he did, I still have feelings for him. I catch myself going to text him all the time, when I see him I start walking over- but then I remember it all. Is is normal to still have feelings for the person who raped you? Please tell me I'm not alone.
   
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Re: Feelings for my rapist- is this normal? - August 12th 2011, 02:41 PM

Hey Mariah

I am so sorry to hear about what you have been through, it must have been awful for you and I really hope you are managing okay with coming to terms with what happened. Don't worry, it's very common for people to have feelings for the person that hurt them. Often these people have built a level of trust with you, you feel a certain way about them and just because they hurt you, that doesn't mean you can just turn you're feelings off. After what's happened to you you're left feeling very confused because you feel you shouldn't have these feelings towards him. This must make it even harder for you to overcome, because your feelings and emotions are conflicting.

Do you have to see him often in you're daily life? Having to see him like that must bring lots of horrible memories back for you.Have you ever seen a professional to help with deal with the memories and cope with what happened? If not that might be a something to think about. Having that safe space to discuss your thoughts and feelings might be just what you need

I hope you're okay, keep in touch and I'm always here if you need a chat, take care
   
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Re: Feelings for my rapist- is this normal? - August 13th 2011, 08:36 AM

Mariah,

What you went through was terrible and traumatic, and no one should ever have to endure that kind of pain. However, remember that you are STRONG, you can get through this. Stay close to friends who can help support you during this period of healing; love and support will get you through, isolation will lengthen the time it takes to overcome this.

From what you have described here, I would say that, yes, what you are experiencing is normal. You spent a large portion of your life communicating with this person; you cared for him. Feelings like that do not just "go away", even when that person does something so horrific. Missing him and wanting to initiate contact is part of the grieving period. That does not mean that it is a good idea to speak with him again; that, more than anything, will hinder you in your healing.

The best thing to do with these feelings, I have found, is to sit with them, feel them. Let them run their course. Talk to your loved ones about what you are experiencing; write, self-reflect. But do not, by any means, let him back in to your life. As you grieve this loss of trust, it will become more and more clear that you are far better off without him in your life. Give it time.

If you would ever like to talk, feel free to contact me. My PM box is always open.

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Re: Feelings for my rapist- is this normal? - August 15th 2011, 03:54 AM

I dated my rapist and I had feelings for him until he brought a child into the mix. So yes, what you're feeling is normal. However, I wouldn't act upon the feelings because it could make things a lot worse. Good luck and feel free to PM me anytime<3
   
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Re: Feelings for my rapist- is this normal? - August 25th 2011, 10:42 PM

hey im soooooo sorry that happened to you, it really sucks that he had done that and ruined the realationship. but you probably still have feeling for him considering you guys dated for so long and you loved each other.. ect.. ect... so in my opinion its perfectly normal to still have feelings for him but you really should start to try and move on a little and find someone else. it may be soon but the sooner the better i say. but if he would do this to you then he is most definitly (sorry if i spelt that wrong) not the write guy. best of luck <3 -haylee-tekla <3
   
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