What to make of this?

[charmbraceletxo]

Last time I drank, I apparently started yelling to everyone that I was sexually assaulted as a kid by my cousin(s), etc., etc. I don't know what compelled me to say that--I mean, what happened wasn't technically sexual assault, right? And it's infinitesmal in contrast with what other girls/women have experienced...so I don't even know why I'm posting this...but when I was a young child, my male cousins (one older--he was probably ~12 or ~13, and the other younger--maybe ~6ish) backed me into a corner in the backyard (on Christmas day, if I recall) and were trying to make me show them my, well, you know. I was so young at the time--I don't even know if whether or not I actually did it...I just remember being completely humiliated and confused (why would they want to see that?). There was another incident during which my younger cousin (I think?) asked to "touch it"--and I think I may have allowed him. Again, I was so young that I don't remember most of what happened.

I don't blame them...I mean, we were just kids...but I have this aching hatred for males (irrational, I know...but still). For some reason, I feel violated quite easily (not with my boyfriend, but even if another guy looks at me in a way that's particularly sexually suggestive, I feel gross, ashamed, and humiliated).

I know that this isn't even the slightest bit of a big deal...I just wanted to gain some perspective on how to deal with this. I know that this doesn't constitute sexual assault or whatever, but I'm still, um, bothered by it...


Thanks for your help and supportiveness.

[charmbraceletxo]

Anyone? LOL.

[Sythan]

What happened to you as a child was play, they probably didn't know any better, curious and stupid as young adolescents always are. Don't let that be a catalyst to be irked by males, not all males out there want to hurt you. Break through it, refuse to let it take affect on your future.

[Jenna Peterson]

Kids do things like that when they're little, and it's not unusual. One of my best friends back in the primary school days did this to me at day care. I refused, and proceeded to tattle on him about it, which I then felt really bad about because he got in trouble.

That being said, if it bother you, then no one can tell you you're wrong in feeling that way. You might want to talk to someone about it, or maybe you'll feel you've been helped enough just by reading responses to this thread, who knows. Do what you feel you need to do to feel better about those memories and about your feelings toward males in general. As Nick said, don't let this control how you feel about men for the rest of your life. It's not fair to you or to the guys who might want your attention - and you do deserve their attention

Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

[charmbraceletxo]

Thanks, guys I'm over it--there wasn't any need to post about it, as like you said, it's relatively trivial. Thanks for the input, though!