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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Ashleylovesyou Offline
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Question WHY!?! - August 30th 2011, 10:24 PM

I was abused and sort of "emotionally forced" to have sex, I don't consider it rape but other people do...

Anyways, my question is; if people see that abusing and raping cause so many people problems, then why do they do it? I've heard it was because they like the power... Is that it? Also, is it more common for guys to hurt girls because guys are normally stronger, or does it have to do with girl's emotions, or what? I just want to know why? Why hurt people, who have done nothing?
   
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Re: WHY!?! - August 30th 2011, 10:30 PM

This is my own opinion, not facts or otherwise. - I believe that people rape and abuse others because they want to feel the power they have over the victim. They want to make the victim fearful and hurt so they can feel like they're worth something. - As a rape and abuse victim myself, I feel like I was weak for letting a stronger person do that to me. - And as for it being more common for women to be abused rather than men, I think it's more common for women to talk about it as men are too ashamed to come forth and say that a women had beat them, raped them, etc. They think it's a sign of weakness therefore they keep it inside for many,many years. Again, this is just my opinion. Hope I helped. xx
   
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Re: WHY!?! - August 30th 2011, 10:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by believe.in.hope View Post
This is my own opinion, not facts or otherwise. - I believe that people rape and abuse others because they want to feel the power they have over the victim. They want to make the victim fearful and hurt so they can feel like they're worth something. - As a rape and abuse victim myself, I feel like I was weak for letting a stronger person do that to me. - And as for it being more common for women to be abused rather than men, I think it's more common for women to talk about it as men are too ashamed to come forth and say that a women had beat them, raped them, etc. They think it's a sign of weakness therefore they keep it inside for many,many years. Again, this is just my opinion. Hope I helped. xx
Yes, you helped. I think I was weak at the time I was abused, when I was molested I couldn't help it, and when I went through the whole rape or not situation... Idk what I could've done. I sort of wish I could look the guys in the eyes and ask them why... I'm not pretty, and I try my best to make people happy, I wasn't hateful towards myself at the times, I was a strong person... This guy who abused me turned me into a totally different person, now I hate my self and always feel dirty. If everything happens for a reason, then why the he'll did this happen to me?
   
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Re: WHY!?! - August 30th 2011, 10:47 PM

Also, is there anyone who still cares for the person who intentionally hurt them that I could pm?
   
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Re: WHY!?! - August 30th 2011, 10:57 PM

I don't believe in everything happens for a reason because if so, why did I go through everything that I did? and you can PM me. I've had feelings for my abuser.
   
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Re: WHY!?! - August 31st 2011, 12:33 AM

Well with me, I think it can be a way to show power or sometimes try to prove something. In my case, I was molested by my friend's older brother. He was, is, and still will be, gay. From what I understand, he was trying to be straight as well as a power thing. But for the most part he wanted to "prove" to others he was straight by touching a girl sexually a lot, sort of to make people believe he was a straight male where gays were not always accepted. In no way do I defend his actions, but I'm saying, in some cases it's to prove something. As for the abuse I have gone through, I'd still say it had to do quite a bit with being in power and showing that they are in power.

Edit: Also as for your other questions, I don't really have feelings for the person who molested me, but seeing as I was emotionally abused by my aunt, I still care for and about her if that pertains as well.


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Re: WHY!?! - August 31st 2011, 06:27 AM

I don't think it's possible to answer this question and come up with an answer that is true for all abusers, but those that have suggested it's about power are likely right for many cases. Some abusers want power over others, or just think they're entitled to do whatever they want. Some abusers were abused themselves, and have chosen to continue the cycle. Some abusers are mentally ill. A lot of them are many/all of those things and more.

In my case, my abuser was my father. He abused me in just about every way a man can abuse a girl, including rape. I came home from every visit (*grumbles about the court system and unsupervised visitation rights... a blubbering mess, already emotionally unable to talk about why I was a blubbering mess. I still have the occasional nightmare about seeing him again. Despite all of that, he's my father, and a part of me still loves him. A part of me got excited every Saturday morning, sitting on the front steps waiting for his car to pull up. A part of me wants him to accidentally end up in my checkout line at the grocery store. So, yeah, I guess I do still care for him. You're welcome to PM me if you want.


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Re: WHY!?! - August 31st 2011, 05:47 PM

unfortunately, there are some people in the world who enjoy seeing other people suffer. some people think that rapists are simply people mad at women for rejecting them, but that is not always the case. there are indeed some twisted individuals out there who actually prefer non-consensual sex over consensual sex.

for example , ted bundy was really handsome ,outgoing, and had lots of social skills. he could get any girl he wanted. he used his attractiveness to lure in his victims.

hearing about the pain that rape causes victims does not cause rapists to want to stop , they enjoy the victim's pain. its the same with serial murderers
   
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Re: WHY!?! - August 31st 2011, 07:33 PM

It's not right! It's not fair for the victims!
   
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