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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Thomas Omally Offline
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what to do now - September 6th 2011, 03:50 AM

straight to the point, i was raped in january of this year,,,i was a virgin so it's the only sexual experience i've ever had,,,just recently i've caught up with a really great friend who i've known for about 4 years,,,we've become kind of close and the other day he asked me out,,,the idea of dating someone hadn't occured to me until now,,,i've been thinking about it all week,,,and the idea of having a sexual relation relationship is really dawnting and kinda makes me feel sick,,i want to experience a relationship because i never have,,,i think it would be nice to have someone close, but i have no idea how to go about it,,,anyone who has any advice please do tell
thanks x
   
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Re: what to do now - September 6th 2011, 04:13 PM

Well, it's okay to tell him that you want a relationship but you do not want anything sexual for now. If he doesn't understand then he shouldn't be given the time of day.

Relationships should never be about sex, though it can be a nice perk. Having say the first year of your relationship or even waiting until after marriage, is okay to do. Again, if the guy doesn't understand that then he should not be given the time of day.

Also, don't do anything you don't want to do just because you may feel you are supposed to. <3
   
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Re: what to do now - September 6th 2011, 04:38 PM

Hey, I was raped at age 10 and 15 and the thought of sex still makes me sick. I made the mistake of having sex even though I was uncomfortable with it. So if you are uncomfortable, don't do it. It won't be good for you or your relationship with this guy. Tell him you'd like to take it slow and see what he says. If he's against waiting to have sex or do anything sexual, then he's not worth your time and you deserve much better. If you feel ready to have sex, keep in mind that he's not the rapist and he likes you for who you are and he just wants to be close to you. A relationship shouldn't be all about sex but as Kelly said, it is a perk. But a relationship is truly about spending time with a person and loving them for who they are and nothing less. Physical stuff is just an extra perk. Good luck, and remember, don't do anything you're not ready for. :]
   
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Re: what to do now - September 7th 2011, 07:28 AM

You depend on what kind of relationship you want to have. Will it be romantic and sexual, or just romantic? That's the question you have to ask yourself. I understand what you're feeling when it comes to the question of sex, but eventually, one day, you're going to just have to take that leap of faith and not get stuck on what happened to you in the past. Someone took advantage of you, and that wasn't right, at all, but don't let it shut you off from the potentially wonderful experiences you can gain. If you ever need any more advice or have more questions, we're always here to help


When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

GAY PRIDE!!!!!!
   
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Re: what to do now - September 12th 2011, 11:39 AM

thanks for the feedback,,i'm starting to get used to the idea of a relationship,,,it's just really hard to explain something that personal to someone, i'll eventually get over it xxx
   
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Re: what to do now - September 12th 2011, 12:05 PM

Ash, it might be a good idea to talk with someone professionally about this to help you address what happened and how it affected you. That way, you're better assured those feelings stay in the past where they belong!

In the mean time, don't get too far ahead of yourself, you're in the early stages of the relationship. So, you've got all those fears and anxieties (which are normal under any circumstances), plus the trauma, which unfortunately supercharges them. But without the framework of familiarity and the safety in your new relationship that comes with time, the fears and ugliness are out sized. Give things some time to grow and develop, so you can balance that awful experience with the warm, loving, trusting feelings that (hopefully) will develop with your new sweetie before you have sex.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
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Re: what to do now - September 12th 2011, 07:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thomas Omally View Post
thanks for the feedback,,i'm starting to get used to the idea of a relationship,,,it's just really hard to explain something that personal to someone, i'll eventually get over it xxx
That's terrific! Yes, it's terribly hard to explain, but don't worry hun, if they can't accept something that happened to you, you are better off without them. You will get over, as you said, eventually. Have fun, be safe, and we're always here if you need us.


When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

GAY PRIDE!!!!!!
   
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Re: what to do now - September 13th 2011, 04:18 AM

thanks xxx
   
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Re: what to do now - September 18th 2011, 04:26 PM

just tell him u don't want 2 be sexual. if he can't respect that then he isn't worth u! don't worry, there is someone out there 4 u! after my rape i thought i would never find somebody, but i did.
   
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