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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
reminisce Offline
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Name: Remi
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Join Date: February 22nd 2009

Unhappy someone please help me - i think im losing my mind - March 18th 2009, 03:49 AM

Kind of long - just trying to get all my feelings out right now

I was raped nearly two years ago && I just told my parents this past october . The day I told my parents at first it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, && now I feel worse then I did before I told my parents . I don't even kno whyy . I thought that after this was out in the open && it was being handled by the police that I would be able to live my life, but now I feel like the perfect life i've tried to build for the past few years, the life were I hadn't been raped it was all a bad dream - is falling down around me . Every night im fighting back tears && I dont kno if they're tears of anger or depression . When I was raped I blamed myself then I just ignored it until it happened again - && again I ignored it convincing myself that it never happened && when he(rapist) would bring it up all I could think of is how close me && him used to be && remember that he threatned me - he told me he would kill my whole family if I didnt do what he told me to - now im blaming myself that im going through all this .

My parents are trying to move me out the area hoping a change of scenery will help with the "healing" process but I cant even go to school without looking over my shoulder . Without praying to God he doesnt try to kill me because I told . He always told me that if I told he would deny it all then once he was free he would come && kill me . Now im panicking that what if he doesnt get sent to jail ?? && he does come back && try to rape me again or worse kill me or my family ??

I'm going crazy . I cant eat . I cant sleep without thinking about what he might do or where he might be . Is somebody he knows sitting outside my window ?? Those are questions that run through my mind all day everyday && I cant take it anymore . I kno suicide is a sin that cant be forgiven but right now I just wish I would die so this would all be over with && I can be at peace .

Can somebody please help me ??
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Emily. Offline
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Re: someone please help me - i think im losing my mind - March 18th 2009, 05:15 AM

Remi, I am so sorry you are going through all this hun. But i truly think you did the right thing by turning him in. I know it seems scary, but you are much safer with him behind bars and with people knowing about it than if you had kept silent.

I think that a move will probably be a good thing for u hun. It's not fair that you should have to be the one that has to move to feel safe, but rly starting over can be a good thing sometimes.

Have you ever talked with a therapist about any of this hun. This is a really hard thing to deal with and talking to a therapist can be a big help. They can help you sort through all these feelings and sometimes just talking about it makes it easier to deal with.

And Remi hun, suicide is never the answer. It may seem like this great way out, but hun it's not. I really think you should talk to someone Remi. You don't have to go through this by yourself.

Please pm me if you need someone to talk to.
<3 emily
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Re: someone please help me - i think im losing my mind - March 18th 2009, 05:28 AM

Remi, I'm so sorry about this, honey. You don't deserve this, but trust me when I say that Things Will Get Better. You can and you will have a great life; you deserve it and I know you can get through this! We on TH are here for you every step of the way.

Never think that it was your fault. The guy who did that to you is nothing less than a monster, and what he did was unforgivable. He doesn't deserve your thoughts or tears. Your parents are working to make you safe, and they will. If you feel that threatened, you can report this to the police.

I know it's hard, but try to think about positive things. Just take deep breaths, and repeat over and over to yourself, "It's okay. I can do this. It's okay." And really believe it, because it's true. You are a strong, great person, and I know you can get through this. Do things that make you happy, like listening to the music you like, eating food that you like, reading a good book, just try to focus on happy things.

You're not alone in this, and you never will be. I truly care about you, and I'll help you with whatever you need; just PM me any time. Take care of yourself, hun. Stay strong!

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soul Offline
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Re: someone please help me - i think im losing my mind - March 25th 2009, 03:32 PM

Hello Remi,

I am so sorry to hear that you where hurt like that. It is so unfair that people can be so monstrous and evil. I am here for you if you ever need someone to talk to. Is there anything you could do to make you feel safer? Maybe taking a self defense class, carrying pepper spray, or always carrying your cell phone with you could help you to feel less vulnerable. It is okay to be afraid. After all you have a good reason to be scared. However, it isn't okay to let fear rule your life and keep you from living to the fullest. I just want to say how proud I am of you for telling your parents about what happened and getting the police involved. That takes an incredible about of strength to do. I hope you get the justice you deserve and that your attacker gets put in jail for a very long time. Are you seeing anyone to help you through this? A good therapist can help you work through your feelings so that you don't feel so out of control. You have been through a terrible thing but you can get through. You are strong and healing is possible. Take care of yourself and hang in there. Life does get better. Life does get easier.

Super hugs <3 Mimi!

As long as we can dream, there will be unicorns.
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
Ignorance is bliss..
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Re: someone please help me - i think im losing my mind - March 29th 2009, 02:07 AM

Hey Remi,

First of all I want you to know that you are very brave. It takes a LOT of strength to tell your family about someone who has hurt you like this, let alone report it to the police. You are very brave hunn.

I will say that I know how you feel. I never had the chance to hide the fact that I was raped from my parents, due to the circumstances, but even with them knowing I didn't feel much better. But I thought if I told the police, everything would change and my life would be back to normal. What I've learned is life doesn't go back to normal after something as traumatic as rape happens. I'm not saying your life is going to be horrible now, I don't mean that at all. I just mean that the deffinition of 'normal' now changes. Things can get better, it just takes time and a lot of effort. You may feel now that having this experience out in the open is a bad thing, but trust me if you keep it in for too long it would only be worse. A lot of the time people find there sitution worse once they tell someone because when they do they also are admitting it to themselves that it did happen. There's no more denial once you have told someone. Have you considered counseling? I think you'd really benefit from having someone who you can talk to you and help you through this from a professional stand point.

This guy, he is horrible, and what he did to you is so wrong. No one should ever go through this or be hurt the way you have been. No one can blame you for being afraid. I'm still afraid of the threats that were made to me, and I can definitaly understand why you are afraid. Have you told the police of the threats he's made? Every detail is very important, especially with these cases.

I think moving is a really good idea and I definitaly agree with the change of scenery. It can help you start off on a different foot and make new friends that know nothing about your old life.

I know it seems like things will never get better hunn, but they can. I promise you that they can. And suicide is not the way to achieve that. You aren't losing your mind, you just have a lot to deal with right now. You shouldn't deal with this alone though. It's good that you posted because getting things off your chest can help a great deal. Do you talk to anyone about what happened and how you are feeling now? Keeping those things locked up inside, they build up. Don't let that happen. And at school, try to have someone with you in between classes. I know it doesn't seem like much but it can help you feel safer when you are with someone.

If you ever want to talk I will always be here for you. Don't give in to the urges, killing yourself won't solve anything. It will only cause all your family and friends a great deal of pain.

Originally joined: June 2008

" He has no remorse for his actions,
And feels nothing but pleasure.
To see her suffer is his joy-
And her innocence is his treasure. "

is this what you really want from me..?
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