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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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xdanixgirlx Offline
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Don't know what to think. - March 18th 2009, 04:48 AM

Last summer I was sexually abused. I truely beleive it wasn't his fault. I was too timid about it. To my knowledge, he doesn't know anything was wrong. I have not spoken to him since that happened, and didn't really see him either. Recently though, I've been seeing him around campus. Although it brings painful memories, I've found myself to still be attracted to him. That in itself is making me feel guilty. Is this normal? Or am I completely twisted?
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Re: Don't know what to think. - March 19th 2009, 12:42 AM


Everyone reacts differently, there's no normal way of reacting to sexual abuse because everyone is different. Reactions depend a lot of the time, on the circumstances surrounding the abuse...how you felt when it was happening, whether you told someone about it after, etc. It's ok, if you still feel a bit attracted to him. No one says you definitely have to hate or feel angry towards the person who hurt you, everyone's different so no one can tell you how to react or feel. You aren't twisted at all.

Do you think it really matters if you were timid about it? You didn't ask him to hurt you. He made the choice, he made the decision to abuse you, you didn't make that decision for him. It's hard to think clearly when something like this is happening. Generally there are three 'modes' your body will go into - fight, flight, or freeze. Some people fight back, some run away, and some freeze up and don't know what to do. That being said, it's ok, how you reacted when he was hurting you. You might have felt afraid and unsure what to do or maybe wanted to pretend it wasn't happening, whether subconsciously or otherwise..if that makes sense? What I'm trying to say is that being timid, it's a natural reaction, it's ok to have reacted that way.

Did you report him? That might be something to really think about, to let someone know what he did to you. Staying silent is the worst thing you can do, it hurts you more in the long run to bottle it all up. If you don't feel comfortable reporting him just yet, try telling a close, trusted friend first, someone you can go to for support when you're struggling. Friends know you best and they're your friends for a reason, because they care about you and want to see you ok, and want to help where they can. They're the ones who know you best and can pick you up when you fall, they always know how to make you smile or laugh.

I'm here if you'd ever like to talk about anything, ok? Take care of yourself, hang in there.

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Re: Don't know what to think. - March 19th 2009, 04:03 PM


You're not 'twisted' for thinking that, a lot of people who have been sexually abused have those sorts of thoughts, me included. People react in different ways, so no reaction is a 'right' one, just whatever your body chooses to do to cope with the incident.

Still being attracted to him isn't weird, if you knew the guy before then of course there are good memories attached to him and they're all mixed up with the bad ones. I was friends with someone that assaulted me and it's still hard now, he was a close friend and I miss how we were.

Hope you're okay
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Re: Don't know what to think. - March 22nd 2009, 10:39 PM

I"m sorry that you were sexually abused. The thing a/b sexual abuse is that if you do not do something a/b the feelings that are made by it. Those feelings are gonna end up eating away at you & there is a very good chance that you will end with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & depression, among other things. You NEED to tell someone a/b what happened to you like an adult, & above all, REPORT this kid for what he did to you to the police. Sexual abuse is a crime!! If he did that w/you, he'll end up doing it to other girls. BTW, if he sexually abused you, then it IS HIS FAULT!! If you'd like to talk further a/b this, feel free to contact me a/b it. I"ve helped alot ppl who have been in your situation.
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attraction, guilty, sexual abuse

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