How to move on from what has happened?

[starwars]

Let me first give you a little background from the past four years, bear with me for a minute, I'll make this short. Four years ago I was a young kid and I was at a Halloween Attraction/Haunted Forest type ordeal. A guy forcefully took me into a near by building and sexually assaulted me. It wasn't rape. But he shoved his hands down my pants and proceed to yell at me and say "It would be nice if you moaned a little, jesus christ!" Then life went on.
A year after that I was in a friends basement and good friend of mine started acting all "needy" and I was in the mood to cuddle and sleep. I told him about eight times that I didn't want to have sex with him. All I could do was tighten up all the muscles in my body until he couldn't even get it in. He got up and told me to go "Wash myself off" and I could sleep on the couch.
Less then six months later I started dating a really nice guy. Things were great but we both started noticing I had major emotional problems. Most of which occurred at night. I told him things were perfectly fine and we moved on. But push came to shove and he ended up leaving me and getting really sick of me about a year later. Terrible break up/all the stuff that came with a terrible break up.
Six months later, (this brings us to the beginning of this summer) I met a new guy. Things weren't bad but then we started to realize when I was alone at night things got bad. I would come home after work at like eleven and start crying and I would tell him that no one should have to deal with me and my problems. I would always say to get out while he can because I'm a mess and that it is better off if I was just alone. He is in the army and went through many days of sexual assault classes and said that the feelings I get at night could be because of what has happened.


I guess what I am trying to say is... how do you move on from these events. I don't want to see a therapist, I did that once and its uncomfortable for me. If you know anyone who went through anything like this what do they tell themselves. Its only at night when I am sad. I don't want to report anyone because it happened a long time ago and I don't care for people to know the weak points in my life. Any words of advice? Or any books/articles that could help?

Anything really helps.

[Le bonheur*]

I'm going to speak from my own experiences in an attempt to help you. I have this issue too and I really break down at night time. Mostly because I'm scared to sleep and have nightmares. So.. in order to feel better, I write down what I remember and I either rip up the paper, or burn it. To symbolize that it's in the past and I'm not there anymore. That I'm in the year 2011, and it happened years ago. I also make a hot cup of tea to calm down and after I'm calm, I'll watch something funny on TV in order to keep it from coming back into my mind. I also go to therapy every week. [I know you said you don't want that because you feel uncomfortable]. I find that what I do helps most of the time and I usually feel okay afterwards. I wish you luck. xx

[horselove66]

oh honey, i'm so sorry. i've been raped nurmous times by a guy friend and then by my ex.

i know it's hard and i know it's scary, just keep telling yourself it wasn't u're fault and that things will get better. listen to uplifting music and try to forget about what happeneed. maybe write out your feeling in a journall???

((HUGS)))