Triggering (Abuse): I'm pretty sure I was abused, now how do I move on?

[Love09]

Basically, I had a 3-month relationship with a guy and I broke it off after I felt like things were going down a path I didn't want them to do. He would tickle me sometimes (and sometimes turned in to all the time) and he wouldn't stop even when I asked him to stop repeatedly. When it got to the point where I was almost crying because he wouldn't stop, I broke it off. He was also doing stuff like sharing my seat in class, and putting his arm around me even though he knew I was SUPER uncomfortable with it. I didn't think about the possibility of it being abuse until a couple things recently happened to me. First, I moved to college and we were all sharing boyfriend experiences, and my new friends thought it sounded like abuse. Then I thought about how for 3 straight months I would wake up SO grateful that I didn't have to worry about him doing what he was doing in class, and that seemed a little off to me. Why would I be relieved like that for 3 WHOLE months, and every day re-realizing it like that? And the last thing is that a few nights ago, my friend was giving me a back massage. When she reached my lower abdomen/stomach area (aka where he always tickled me), I felt super super super uncomfortable. It wasn't pain, it just felt like I was dying inside and I had to make her stop immediately otherwise I would have had something like a panic attack.

So, does this sound like abuse?
And how do I move on from it?

Thanks, and sorry for the lost post!

[Iridescence]

I'm so sorry this happened to you
But to me, yes it does sound like abuse if anyone touching your abdomen area makes you have a panic attack. Especially if you have told him to stop repeatedly and he never did.

[~CourageousSurvivor~]

Hey there,

It definitely sounds as if this boy disrespected your boundaries and every single person deserves to have their boundaries respected. And, there is absolutely NO reason that a person should disrespect someone in that way. The fact that your Ex did those things repeatedly is an indication of something. I would classify this as sexual assault which includes a number of different things including inappropriate touching. I want to get across that you did not deserve this or anything like that.

Now, there is no set period of time for a person to heal and I want to stress the importance of not forcing yourself to heal. If you try to force yourself to heal from what has happened it will only lead to you struggling more or not healing appropriately and anyone who is struggling with the aftermath of such things deserves to really heal from things like this. I also want to stress the point that you cannot just move on you have to let yourself heal.

I would suggest that you try and look into counseling options. I know that might not be something you want to do but a GOOD counselor will be able to help you deal with all of this and get to a better place.

I really hope this helped and if you need anything please feel free to pm me.

Jenna