Triggering: I said no - why didn't he listen

[no.ordinary.dreamer]

Sorry this is sort of long. I just needed to tell someone what happened.

I can’t believe it. I can’t believe I did that.
I didn’t know I could cause myself that much regret in one night.
It all started with the idiotic decision to drink on a Wednesday night. First of all, it was a WEDNESDAY! Who drinks on a Wednesday!? – apparently I do. Second, I am less than a light weight – I get drunk FAST because I rarely ever drink.
The stupid decisions didn’t stop there. In fact, that was the least of my regrets.
I walked down, while drunk, to a different floor of my dorm to attempt to get a guy I had made out with a few nights ago to come party with us. I really was hoping he would join so I could make out with him again. He didn’t even look at me. I don’t know if he feels awkward or if he regrets it but whatever. Anways one of the other guys came back up with me.
Of course as my drinking progressed I started laying on people and getting affectionate…
Well eventually everyone convinced me to go to bed. Unfortunately the guy that came up from the other floor, we will call him C, volunteered to help me back to my room. When we got to my room my roommate was trying to study for a test and asked C to take me somewhere else because I was being loud.
Well instead of asking one of my friends to take me C took me to his room instead. When we got to his room his roommate left because C started kissing me which didn’t really phase me. Well C started to undress me and I didn’t really say much because I was really out of it. The more it progressed the more I told him we should stop. I tried shoving his hands off me and moving his lips away from me. Eventually he tried to put his junk in me…
I made him stop and he did for a little bit…
Then he tried again and I stopped him again…
Then he tried again and I tried to stop him but he didn’t stop.
He had sex with me.
He used a condom and pulled out and came in my mouth…
I was a virgin.
I tried to stop him.
I was drunk. I didn’t know what I was doing. So once he was in me for a little while, showed no sign of stopping, and my attempts to push him off failed I gave in.
But I never said yes.
I told him not to cum inside me. At least he listened to that. Although my mouth still counts as inside me.
I was a virgin…
He was nice enough to say he wanted to date me and continue talking to me in the morning.
But I don’t like him. I’m not in any way even a little bit physically or emotionally attracted to him. Plus I know he heard me say no as he tried to enter me.
So I said it was a one time thing and went up to my room wearing his boxers and my shirt from the night before while carrying my shorts from the night before.
He lost his boxers.
I lost a thong and my virginity to a guy I met only twice before that night. To a guy that took advantage of the fact that I was drunk. To a guy that doesn’t know he took my virginity.
I said no.
I couldn’t fight him off.
He doesn’t even consider what he did as rape.
But I shouldn’t of gotten drunk. I shouldn’t have gone with him. I shouldn’t of done anything at all especially on a Wednesday. I shouldn’t of done a lot of things…
Now every time I hear songs about sex I feel like i’m going to throw up.
Everything sexual brings back memories of his hands on me and him in me and me saying no…

[FlyingTrue]

I suggest that you file a police report, it is considered rape under every possible circumstance under the law. You clearly said no and he took advantage that you were drunk. What happened was definitely not your fault.

[Venenum]

This was rape. I feel so angered I could tear him literally to pieces, with my own hands....

He raped you, he actually raped you... either contact the police or hire a hitman or something... This disgusting creep is not getting away with this... Repeat this for yourself, you can't let him get away with this, ok?

[no.ordinary.dreamer]

Thank you for the support.
I know I should report it but I don't think i'm going to. I dont want to go through all of that too.

[victoriabankson]

i believe you should eevry one gets drunk in there life no one will judge you. he took advantage of you he knew you didn't want to have sex. he raped you you should go to the police

[SuperBrunetteCutie4Ever]

You should report him to the police because he could do it to someone else :O

[macguy]

I really think the best thing to do about it is to shine it on, just will not be one of your best experiences. Sure you could report it to the cops, then what? A long drawn out process with the cops more than half blaming you for the occurance, not worth the trouble. I am obviously a male, but I can still remember losing my virginity, it was right after I finished boot camp in San Diego. A bunch of us went to Tijuana where we all got completed loaded, went to all the rauncy strip shows and dance halls and then sometime during the night I found myself in a shed with a mexician girl bouncing up and down on my naked body. I cannot remember getting off but it was my first sexual experience with a female. I had just turned seventeen. lol

[FlyingTrue]

Originally Posted by macguy

A long drawn out process with the cops more than half blaming you for the occurance, not worth the trouble.

That's not how it works at all. Law enforcement agencies treat all abuse cases seriously regardless of circumstance.

[ToGoOmniscient]

First of all, I'm very very sorry this happened to you
And like everyone else, I think you should file a police report. I know you don't want to, you don't wanna go through all the trouble, etc., etc., and I understand that, but there are many reasons why you should. It would not only keep you safe, it would keep others safe.

[Ghost On The Highway]

I agree with FlyingTrue...undoubtedly rape and if I were in your shoes I would report it to the police. It may be a "long, drawn out" process, but so is recovering from such an event emotionally, and (for me), seeing justice done would help. And you'd be doing other girls a favor.

[Le bonheur*]

I'm very sorry this happened to you sweetheart. This is something that no woman (or man) should ever have to go through. This guy raped you and you should definitely report him to the police. They will be able to help you and make sure it doesn't happen to anyone else. Seeing justice being brought to this pig will make you feel at ease and help you cope (somewhat). It's going to be a long-drawn out process either way. The emotional pain you feel is going to take a lot of therapy and talking to make you feel better, so why not report him and see him suffer emotionally like you are? I definitely think you should tell the police. But it's your choice.. Anyhow, I'm here if you ever need to talk; I'll help you out as much as I can. <3

[DellaBella]

Hi samantha,
First off, I want to tell you that I think you're amazing.
You're so an amazingly strong individual, and thank you for sharing your story. It coudn't have been easy. You're a survivor. You survived a terrible ordeal, and you're still here. Fighting every day. You're amazing.
Going to the police is a really freaking scary thing. And whether or not you go- that's your choice. If you want to bring him to justice, then that's great, but if not- that's great too, because either way you are still an amazing person and it is YOUR CHOICE. I don't know what school you go to, or what it's like there, but at my school our RAs are trained and ready to help out in these situations. If you feel ready for it- talk to your RA, or your campus nurse/counselor. They won't make you do anything you don't want to do. You don't have to tell them who he is, you don't have to report it to the police. What you do is your choice. No one will force you to do anything you aren't comfortable with. It's important for your own health to get tested for any possible STDs and it would be really helpful to talk to a counselor. You can even do it anomynously, through RAINN or your local crisis center. If you need help finding out who to contact in your area, let me know. Through my own student leadership training I met a crisis counselor from my local center and I can tell you how amazingly helpful they are. They won't make you do anything you don't want to do- they'll be your advocates, and make sure your rights are protected. You'll make it through this, because you're just that amazing. You're a survivor <3

[scene_green]

hun i knew how it feels to be raped my brother raped me as a young child and i screamed no so many times and cried but i couldnt stop him it hurts to be raped it hurt physically and mentally and i didnt even remeber it till i waz 12 if anything call cops not just for urself but think bout another girl he might get "touchy" with and shes drunk u dnt want repeative actions its for the best and if not u cnt report it than have a friend do it or do it with a trusted authority in a room eithier alone or if paranoid (like me) with a group if trusted people tht is my best advice to u plz be safe and keep ur mind off of it at best

[no.ordinary.dreamer]

I just don't want to have to tell my parents. I never want them to know that happened to me.
I found out I am NOT Pregnant so that is a relief.
I just still feel so embarrassed and angry about the whole situation. I wish I did more to try and stop him.
I really appreciate all the support. It's nice to know there are people that are there for me and won't judge me for what happened