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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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kirstenyo Offline
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Confused a bit - October 8th 2011, 02:15 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

so i'm going to try to not be very graphic, i don't think i will be, just a warning.

my friends and i threw a party. tons of our friends were there and even some people that we hadn't met, but it was all a good time.. i had drank a lot and gotten pretty intoxicated but it wasn't anything i couldn't handle since i had been worse.

but there was this guy, he asked my best friend who i was. he told her he thought i was cute and for her not to worry that he wasn't going to try to sleep with me or do anything bad. i thought he was pretty cute as well. so when my friend told me this i giggled like i was a little girl haha.

but anyways, later on that night i sat by him and we started talking, he kept making out with me, which wasn't a big deal to me. but then he asked to go somewhere, and in my drunk innocent mind i thought we were just going somewhere to make out and not be creeped on by the people at the party.

well we go to a place in the house no one is at and we still make out and stuff, but he wanted more. i told him i wasn't like that, i'm classy. and i don't do things when i first meet anyone anyway, but he pulled himself out anyways, but i just went along with it, just a little touching, but then we got interrupted, so we stopped..

fast forward, we go to another place where we wouldn't be interupted. and i was on top of him making out with him, again not thinking anything would happen.. but he starts talking about wanting to have sex with me, and i told him no, that i don't do that. and then he said at least can i touch you with it (again i'm editing this so it isn't as vulgar) i said i don't know, i don't really want to, but he begged. and somehow it happened anyways, i was in and out of a blackout at this point.

then he put it in my all the way and we started to have sex and once i come to realization of what was happening i stopped after a minute or so. but we still hung out after we stopped.. it wasn't rape, but i know i told him that i wasn't comfortable doing anything with him. and i was okay with what had happened that night, but as time goes on i become more uneasy about it.
was i just a drunk girl taken advantage of? i don't even know what to call that night. i just tell everyone involved that i was just drunk.




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Re: Confused a bit - October 8th 2011, 05:00 AM

I'm sorry, but you were raped. It's rape for two reasons: 1) you were drunk, and by your description, very drunk. 2) You refused sex multiple times. The question is where to go from here. I would consider pressing charges, if not for yourself than for others. I doubt this is the first girl he has taken advantage of, and it won't be the last.

Then, there's dealing with your own state of mind. How are you doing behind all this? You should be talking it out with people you trust. You need to come to terms with the fact that yes, you were taken advantage of in a serious way, and you have a right to be upset about it.


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Re: Confused a bit - October 8th 2011, 04:41 PM

Like Justin said, technically it WAS rape. Because, like he said, 1) you were intoxicated and therefore unable to give consent, and 2) you said no multiple times.

Whether or not you want to press charges is a different matter, and it doesn't sound as though you do. So yes, you were taken advantage of, but if you want to just treat it like you were really drunk. that's up to you.

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Re: Confused a bit - October 9th 2011, 01:04 PM

thanks guys. I don't think i am going to press charges though. i don't even know the person, and i'm pretty sure they moved away right after it happened.. i'm still sorting things out in my head about it.

i'm all jumbled up and confused about it.
i've had bad things happen to be in the past [not nessesarily rape but just..other bad things] but i don't feel quite the same as i did in those moments. maybe i'm just numbed to it? who knows.. :/




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Re: Confused a bit - October 9th 2011, 01:40 PM

Kirsten, I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm not sure what to call it technically or legally, but certainly psychologically, this was unwanted, unwelcome and unappreciated. You're feeling badly here b/c something happened that you didn't want, don't typically do, and surely it was unpleasant.

Treat this like any other injury, be extra nice to yourself, get an STI test if you didn't use a condom, and maybe try to learn from this, there's a lot there to help you avoid this next time.


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Re: Confused a bit - October 9th 2011, 04:38 PM

I hear you. Some people would insist that you press charges in all circumstances, but I'm not one of them. If in this case you don't feel it would be worth it, that's okay.

Given how out of it you were at the time, it makes sense that you wouldn't feel as traumatized as those who are violently raped. I'm still calling it rape because you didn't soberly consent (and the law agrees, if I'm not mistaken), and it seems like you're looking for a definition of what happened to you. Still, it's a very different scenario from someone who is beaten and taken more forcefully, and I'd expect you to react differently and heal differently. No one word can sum up your experience. Keep processing as long as you need to, use people you trust as a sounding board. Figure out and express just how you feel about it as best you can.

As Dr.Bobby said, there's an opportunity to learn from this. I want to be perfectly clear that this is not your fault and you did not deserve it. However, there are things you can do to avoid scenarios like this. Keep in mind that alcohol is very strongly correlated with "acquaintance rape". If you avoid drinking at parties, you can avoid a lot of sleazebags.


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