Triggering (Abuse): We Got In Another Fight Today...

[CaughtInMyHead]

In the past I was abused by my older brother for three years, then he got better and now things are much better between him and I. Although he still does mentally abuse me sometimes, and there have been four fights that got physical this year (my parents usually are out). Well we had our fourth fight today, he was being mean all morning and so when I stood up(I never used to stand up for myself because I was to afraid, but now I do) for myself he screamed in my face and cussed me out than threatened to mess me up, then broke his phone on the wall. I blanked most of it out, like usual, all I remember was him saying "You are nothing, and you always be nothing.."
After that, I cut myself for the first time in one month
Then when I told my mom she told me to grow up and stop complaining, I should have known better than to tell. Nobody has ever believed me in the past, why in the hell in one year would they believe me now. But I was scared he was going to hurt, and I didn't know what to do. I feel so stupid and I hate myself for everything.

I Don't know what to do, any advice?

[FlyingTrue]

You are right to report it, and your mom is completely wrong to disregard it. When he does something like this, I suggest that you should record it, that you use a micro-tape recorder or video cam or something to that effect and that you should report these occurrences to a higher authority i.e. school counselor, law enforcement etc. Your family has no right to constantly put you in a position where you are threatened like that, they need to learn to be responsible for their own actions.

[Dr.Bobby]

I'm sorry this is happening for you, it's like a recurring nightmare.

The worst part of this (if there is a part that can be called worse in a pretty worse situation overall) is your taking him hurting you, internalizing that, and then continuing that by hurting yourself (cutting). I wish you wouldn't do that!

Advice? It doesn't sound like you can count on your mom (this is typical in abuse families, btw, it's called 'enabling' b/c their lack of authority allows the behavior to continue). And, although he's gotten better, the genie comes out of the bottle still. So, you can't trust him to show good judgement and self control. It might not be such a good idea to say or do things that result in an exacerbation of his antagonism.

In situations like yours, what's often best is to develop the coping skills necessary to survive (emotionally) independently of the abuser changing their behavior. So, you'd emotionally separate yourself from his abuse, it's now verbal, which means it's gross, but not downright menacing. The other thing you can do, esp. at 23, is plan for your eventual move out of that environment, of being on your own, and safe.

[CaughtInMyHead]

Thank you both for responding, and I certainly taking your advice.