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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Ashleylovesyou Offline
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Angry What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 01:16 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Triggering language: swearing, and saying stuff that may offend others.















Today in my health occupations class, we were talking about all the differen types of abuse.

I was abuse in every way you can thing of.

I can just now admit that it was abuse, and it was rape. I just now stopped blaming myself.

Then what the fuck, in class people were talking about how girls who are abused it is their faults. They didn't leave right away, and they should rot in Hell just as much as the abuser.... Everyone agreed, and m teacher tried to stop them because onl she knows in my class about my past... But they would.

Finally, I left crying... They could obviously tell why because when I returned nobody would look at me. They all looked like they were going to vomit.

I know everyone on here is going to say it's not my fault. But what the fuck? I live in a community where my peers and I are very opened towards knew and different people. Then everyone in my class except for my teacher and I was saying this shit. I feel like in order for them to understand the pain and fear they have to go through it them selves. I wish no harm for them though.

I'm hurted that people hate me because of this, even though they didnt know until now. I don't know if I can even show my face in school.

Fuck my life.

I hate it!

Does any one understand what I am saying?
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 02:14 AM

Hey Ashley, I'm sorry they were so insensitive. I don't think they hate you, though. I think that now that they realize what they were saying is wrong and insensitive, they don't know how to apologize or make things right with you. That could be the reason that they looked as though they wanted to vomit. It's not your fault that they acted this way and it's definitely not your fault that you were abused. Sometimes in order for someone to understand something, they have to either A) Have an abuse survivor tell their story and how difficult it is to get out of it alone or B) Go through it themselves. No one deserves abuse and no one deserves to be trashed because they were abused themselves. I hope that they open up a bit more and realize that it's not always easy and they'll be a little more sensitive towards your feelings.
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 02:26 AM

I hope they learn to be more sensitive towards everyone's feelings, and to think before they speak. Still pisses me off! But thanks!
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 04:40 AM

Hey Ashley,

I'm glad I don't need to tell you it wasn't your fault, because it wasn't. What happened to you was wrong, and the abuser is completely to blame. But remember, the students in your class are just ignorant. I am a sexual wellness and sexual violence prevention educator, and when I go into classrooms, I hear the craziest things. Like one person literally asked "Well, it's okay if she's drunk, right? She chose to get drunk." Like....no. People literally just don't know these things. You hear so much on the street about the different laws, or different "she asked for it signs" and they don't exist. Unless there is a clear consented "yes" end of story, it was rape. And there is no way to blame the victim. She is not dirty, she is not slutty, the victim was wronged. It doesn't matter what you were wearing or anything, only the rapist was in the wrong. But your class isn't the only one who is uneducated about this. People seriously don't know what abuse is, and when they do, they always try to make excuses and exceptions.

Remember that you are right, and remember that they just don't know. They don't understand, and unless were in your place, never will. Please keep your head up, and know you are beautiful. And if anything begins to happen bullying wise, tell somebody immediately. Don't let yourself be harassed by your past. Stay strong, I'm always here if you need to talk.


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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 07:39 AM

Well I'd say it's a mix of the two. Of course in rape involving physical violence the victim isn't to blame, but in ongoing abuse by a boyfriend or such, the victim does share a portion of the blame. You know that it has happened, and that is has not stopped happening, if you continue to stay in said situation, then what more can you expect? And is that not some metaphysical consent to be in the situation, when you do not take multiple opportunities to leave?

It's like blaming the Hurricane that your son died, when you all ignored the warnings and didn't evacuate.

The class did not know about your history, so they didn't know they were being insensitive to someone, they had no idea it would offend someone. Nonetheless, they do have a right to express their opinion though, and just because it offends one person, doesn't mean their freedom of speech should be abridged.
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 08:02 AM

I'm so sorry you had to be involved in a class with a bunch of ignorant student, you of course are not to be blamed for anything. The students ignorance come from a lack of knowledge about the topic and the mental strain one faces with sexual and physical abuse. I hope your teacher can inform these knuckle heads about the seriousness of these kind of events. As for you I hope one day you can become an advocate and speak out for the people who are to scared to and bring awareness to the people who are lacking it.

Don't worry about them hating you, just go about you business and not let these rain clouds block out your sunshine.

- California
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 09:47 AM

Guile---


It's not that easy to leave. Especially when you have him threatening to kill you if you do and your family. And when you family is young, and can't fight their own battles it's kind of scary to think what could happen to them if yu are not their.

So you are saying to would be okay if I walked into a walmart and started to talk shit about every different (then me) groups of people... It'd be okay because I didn't know there was anyone who was, or knew someone who was different? It's still inconsiderate.
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 09:50 AM

Thanks to everyone else. Here's the problem; I didn't want anyone to know except close family. Now most of the students will know, and it will get around to some of my not-so-close family. Then, everyone will know. I am against lying. What should it ell them if they asked what happened? My classmates are to stubborn to take "I don't want to talk about it" as an answer. I'm just pissed, frustrated and confused.
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 10:08 PM

Thats tough. You could honestly just refuse to answer them. Or tell them you are not comfortable sharing that information. They cant force you to tell them, and if they are overly persistant then you could bring up that they are being incredibly insensitive and imature. Another thing you do is possibly tell the teacher that they are harrassing you. If she doesn't change anything then there is always the principal. Good luck!


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Re: What the Hell? - October 21st 2011, 10:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashleyhateslife View Post
It's not that easy to leave. Especially when you have him threatening to kill you if you do and your family. And when you family is young, and can't fight their own battles it's kind of scary to think what could happen to them if yu are not their.

If this is the case and hes threatening your life and the well being of your family you need to contact the police and get a restraining order against this person, this is now a serious matter when your life is threatened. You may be scared to do this but if you don't you can end up way more hurt or even killed by this person in the future. please make the right decision and save your self...get help
   
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Re: What the Hell? - October 22nd 2011, 01:20 PM

I left him already, he still traumatized me. When I found out I was pregnant, I ended up having a micarage. But I am still traumatized. I just refused to answer them.
   
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