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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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SnowKitten Offline
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I just wanna help... - March 24th 2009, 01:34 AM

Today it came up in conversation that old guys like to molest little children (just a joke that one of my dumb ass friends made) and my friend Madison told him not to say shit like that because she got molested when she was little by her grandpa and got raped once. I fell silent because even though she acted like it was nothing, I know it has hurt her psychologically or something...I just wanna help her because after that she got really depressed sounding and lost her *good spirit*...I just feel kinda worthless.....how can I help her....




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Re: I just wanna help... - March 24th 2009, 02:25 AM

Short answer:
You really can't.

Long answer:
You reeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaally can't.

My now ex-girlfriend was a victim of similar circumstances, and they really should have gone/go to therapy regarding it. We were together some 3 years and talked about it, but not too many people are open about it (though she didn't seem keen on hiding it). It's not something that goes away; it's a lingering trauma that - save deep-sleep therapy - will bear with her for her life. Ultimately, it's up to her and it's possible that things will becoming remarkably uncomfortable between you if you bring it up.
   
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Re: I just wanna help... - March 24th 2009, 02:42 AM

The best you thing you can do for your friend is tell her that you care about her. Let her know you are there for her if she ever needs to talk to you about anything. Besides emotional support there is little you can do. If you would like to you can gently ask if she wants to talk about what happened. If she says no then drop the topic and wait for her to bring it up when she is ready. One reason many people don't talk about their abuse with people is because they are afraid of how they will react or they think that no one wants to hear about it because well it can be disturbing. If she opens up to you do your best to be understanding and supportive. Good luck with helping your friend. I hope things start to get easier for her.

Take care <3 Mimi



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Re: I just wanna help... - March 24th 2009, 03:35 AM

Let her know some way that she has your support if she needs someone to come to. Other than that, she needs to do things on her own schedule.
   
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Re: I just wanna help... - March 24th 2009, 08:30 AM

Hey there Carey.

I agree with a lot of what Mimi had to say. This isn't an issue you're going to want to push, though I do understand the potential temptation there is in trying to get her to talk about what she's been through. However, although this is something you'd like to help her through, you're going to have to accept that you may not be able to give her the help that she needs. A lot of what she's dealing with, she's going to have to deal with in her own time, and hopefully, eventually she'll be ready to meet with someone who's specialised in this field. The best thing that you can do for her for now is be there for her. It may not seem like much, but in all actuality, simply having that support and knowing that it's there can be comforting. Like Mimi said, so long as you introduce it gently, you can ask her if she'd like to talk about it, but if she says no, you're going to have to respect that. It might be a good time to remind her that you're there should ever she need to (this isn't something you want to be consistently pointing out to her, however). If she does open up to you, the most important thing you can do is listen. Hear her out, support her through it and do what you can to be understanding about it. Don't expect to have all the answers, either. Sometimes just being there for someone, and I mean truly being present for them, is an answer in itself. Good luck.

xo Claire




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