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Scared, not sure I can wait 2 months to leave - November 24th 2011, 06:01 AM

Basically my mother and I have an arrangement that she'll talk to dad about me coming out there to live with him but after Christmas because neither of us know how we would make it through Christmas without each other. I'm just not sure if I can last that long, you see my aunt emotionally and sometimes physically abuses me. And basically often I get demeaned or something along those lines blaming me for something wrong, or demeaning me, or saying that I say horrible stuff about her. And you know, that I could live with, just push through the next 2 and a half years, but also 1-3 times a month there is a huge blow-up. During these is when it gets physical, and today was apparently a wonderful time for one, but it was so scary, this was the worst one I've ever been through.

This time I got home from babysitting and like 5-10 minutes later my phone starts ringing, well I run to get it since my aunt was right by it heard it and walked away, then she says how it rang earlier at noon and it was an alarm, well if it was at noon I knew that but I didn't say anything like that, anyway, there was a misunderstanding or something on a call or alarm, and then she sits down without a word after a mini argument (everyday occurrence). Well after babysitting in an empty house (they're moving and I was at the new place and they have almost nothing there yet except a tv and some snacks for the toddler I watch) for 3 and a half hours I was sorta hungry and I missed lunch time. Well I asked if I could have something to eat and my aunt lists of things we have, and I asked if we had salsa and she said yes, so I asked if I could have chips and salsa, then she got pissy and said it would take too long and she was getting me potato chips and ranch dip. Well she brought it and that was fine, I have no clue what happened but after handing them to me she said, "You know if I didn't love I would've thrown that dip at your face." Mind you this is a glass jar or dip. Well I feel bad because I think I did something wrong and fall back into some ED habits I'm trying to get rid of and say, "I don't know if I'm hungry anymore," so she gets up and starts yelling at me, "Well are you gonna eat it?!" and I tell the truth, "I don't know, probably," and then she just keeps yelling at me and making it worse, she grabs my foot and I pull it back, I'm sitting in a chair crying, shaking, head under a pillow. Mom is at the computer but she hears and tells my aunt to stop. And then my aunt says she's just going to leave because no one here loves her and I say she stupid and I'm... well I won't repeat some of the words she happens to use... Anyway, and my mom tries to tell her how that's not true and she says, "The only reason you want me to stay is so you can have a hot fucking meal otherwise you won't get one, you two wouldn't have a hot meal without me, well too bad deal with it!" And mom stops her from going, meanwhile she's saying that when mom isn't home I call her stupid and worthless and blame her for all my problems, and that's not true. Mom knows it's not and tries to say that, and then my aunt says more rude things and I cry and she gets upset because I'm not talking because I'm too busy crying and she says things like, "I say that kind of stuff to you all the time and it never bothers you," and I'm saying back, "But it does, but it does," and she isn't listening to me just yelling more, then she says, "If you're that mad at me just get up and hit me, slap me you little bitch!" and I can hear that she is like right next to me and I'm scared she's going to hit me like she has before, I'm shaking and scared and crying, and during this whole thing she's so close and I'm afraid she'll hit me by the things she's saying, and whenever she asks a question like, "Why don't you hit me?!" I just can't think and I yell something like, "I don't know!" or "Stop!" or "Help" or "Mommy!" And whenever I screamed Mommy to try to get my mom to make her stop, she would think I was saying "leave" and be even more rude to me and my mother. About halfway through I'm so scared so I text a friend, one of maybe 3 who know about this, and she can tell how scared I am. Then after about an hour total of argument my aunt finally sits like my mom had been asking the whole time, sits down and acts like nothing happened, she starts talking about what's on t.v. and I'm still crying and shaking and still scared, so I still can't talk and I'm crying as quietly as humanly possible. And after a few minutes I have to force myself to stop before she gets more angry at me. So I'm holding back tears and I write out in a blank text "Can we go eat out?" and show it to mom, because I want to be out in public where she won't blow up again. Mom says yes but so my aunt doesn't know I asked mom silently I have to say it out loud. And even after we come home I am still scared, it's been almost 7 hours since we went to McDonald's to eat and I am still scared, it's that bad.

Well sorry the explanation was long but that's what happened and it was so scary, I want out and I want out now, I don't know as I can hold on until after Christmas, my aunt still has no clue my mom and I have this planned for me to leave because it would be worse and more often and I couldn't handle that. I'm just so scared, I need support from someone anyone!


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Re: Scared, not sure I can wait 2 months to leave - November 25th 2011, 08:20 PM

Oh hunny I know that must be soo scary. But I think you just need to do whatever you can to not set your aunt off and just try to stay out of her way. Also maybe you should try to just talk to one of the friends who knows about it and just tell whoever that may be. It helps to talk about it, trust me. I've lived with mental, emotional and physical abuse and you need a friend you can just rant to. Also seeming you cant move out before christmass I think you should just lay-low until then. If you should ever need to you can allways pm me about any problems you're having.
Hope I've been of some help to you. Good luck
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