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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Heathen Offline
Beauty and Bedlam
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Name: Jordan
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Anniversary - December 1st 2011, 04:35 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of rape or abuse, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Unfortunately I have always had a memory for dates, especially dates on which something that negatively impacted my life happened. Normally, they are just dates, and I can pass them by without particular attention being payed to it. But sometimes, if something had a particularly negative impact on me, it's hard to remember that a day is just a day because it brings up so many memories for me.

On December 3rd of last year, my boyfriend and I got into what you could call a "domestic fight." The evening leading up to the fight was fine; we had dinner with his other girlfriend and her family, had sex in a cemetery on the way home...it was fun. But when we got home something just...changed.

Basically I got into this place where I was really frustrated and upset with myself, and he was trying to pull me out of it to no avail. I am not exactly sure what happened with him, but suddenly his entire demeanor changed. He straddled me and held me down and wouldn't get up, even though I begged him to let me up and told him I would punch him in the nose if he wouldn't let me.

We physically fought for a while until he rolled over until I was able to yank myself away from him. I stood up and looked at him with more disgust than I have ever looked at anyone in my life, then tried to walk away. But he pulled me back down to the bed with a crash and proceeded to drag me towards him. I thought about hitting him on the head with the lamp by the bed. But as I almost struggled free he suddenly bit down on my arm HARD. As in there was a deep blue bruise for two weeks hard.

I screamed as loud as I could "Get OFF me!" And stood up. As I stood shaking, I turned to leave the room and yelled "FUCK YOU!" as loudly as possible. I barely threw any clothes on, even though it was freezing outside, and stormed out the front door. I went for a walk down to the playground near his house, and sat there. I was so mad and had so much adrenaline pumping through me, I decided I was going to go back and punch his fucking face in. "If a fight is what he wants, if that's how he wants to play, then that's what he is going to get," I thought to myself. So I half ran, half walked back to his house, only to find two cop cars outside the door.

I didn't incriminate him, even though they asked me if I had any marks. If I had told them I did he would have gone to jail for the night. The police forced us to separate for the night, and his other girlfriend had to pick me up and take me to her house for the night. I was devastated. And I felt so bad for her because her birthday was the next day, and it ended up being rather ruined, even though she never said anything about it.

Saturday marks that anniversary. I just don't know how to feel about that. Something went too far that night. It's never happened again, but it was still really scary to go through. If I do have feelings, I am not going to get to process them. We have to go to a party that night, and while I am excited about that he is going to be spending much of his attention on his other girlfriend for the night. Which is fine by me, because it's her special night and I want it to be better than it was last year.

I guess I just don't know what to do if these feelings arise. Part of me just wants to go get drunk if they happen. But I know deep down that that is not the best option. Any ideas?

The moon asked the crow
For a little show
In the hazy milk of twilight
No one had to know
The moon asked the crow...
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Astha Srivastav Offline
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Re: Anniversary - December 2nd 2011, 06:37 PM

How can you date him when he's dating another woman as well? I know it's hard to forget the bad stuff... no one can, we just hide it deep inside us....hope that it's different and if this time it goes badly... then report him.... it sucks, yeah... and you'll have to stay away from him... just try though....
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Choose Offline
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Re: Anniversary - December 3rd 2011, 12:13 AM

Originally Posted by Astha Srivastav View Post
How can you date him when he's dating another woman as well? I know it's hard to forget the bad stuff... no one can, we just hide it deep inside us....hope that it's different and if this time it goes badly... then report him.... it sucks, yeah... and you'll have to stay away from him... just try though....

Jordan, the only thing I can really suggest (because I haven't been in any similar situations ) is to replace those bad memories for good ones on this date. I would agree that drinking to forget, or to deal with your emotions, does not sound like the best solution. Since you will be going out, perhaps just make it a night to remember- in a good way.

An remember, we are always here as a sounding board in case you need an outlet.

"Ignore the ramblings of the ignorant, and step on or over their crumpled bodies as you make your way to the top of the mountain. Eat upon their flesh for fuel, and, through your determination and will, banish them to obscurity and a life of complacency and self righteousness that is the hell in which they live"

-Richard Safreed

"Civilize the mind, but make savage the body."
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WashoutThePain Offline
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Re: Anniversary - December 5th 2011, 09:24 PM

Perhaps you should just kinda of feel whatever you need to feel. Just sort of... go with it. Surround yourself with comforting friends. Or your favorite TV show and dinner. Allow yourself to nap, run, eat, bake, color, or whatever the hell you feel like doing. It's okay to be upset <3

(I believe the day already past, but I did want to comment)

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Guardian_Angel Offline
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Re: Anniversary - December 10th 2011, 11:09 AM

Hey Jordan,

The main problem I see here (or you haven't mentioned) is that you never discussed what the hell happened that night, you seem to have a bunch of loose ends hanging over your thoughts, not really sure of your feeling or what to think.

I hope the day in question went okay, but I think you should have a sit down and discuss it with him, to ask him what went on, to clear up and questions/worries or whatever that night, or at least get an explanation. Maybe get the other girl in this relationship to mediate if your too nervous/on edge...

Whatever you choose, I hope that this clears up for you, stay strong Jordan

is a word
to be found only
in the dictionary of fools.

To do all that one is able to do,
Is to be a man;
To do all that one would like to do,
Is to be a god.
-Napoleon Bonaparte

Quiero tener sandías con un patito como Tricia!
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