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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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swervy Offline
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How to stop being afraid? - December 1st 2011, 06:47 AM

I am like 26 yrs old and when I go to bed and turn the light off I get all freaked out. My friend says dont be afraid. I get scared of this guy who used to rape me but now he is still stalking me after he was caught what should I do? I was told by the cops not to turn the lights on because he'll know I'm there.
   
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Re: How to stop being afraid? - December 3rd 2011, 06:50 AM

I recommend this be moved to "Rape and Abuse."

For the fear part, that's just going to take time. It helps if you create a safe environment for yourself in your home or use extra protection. Put extra locks on your door and windows, change your number, carry mace in your purse in public, etc.

There is something important to remember about this, though. You are a victim in this situation, but there is a difference between BEING a victim and ACTING like a victim. You can act like a victim of assault of men your whole life or you cannot, the choice is yours. If you do, you are giving him your power and letting him control your life instead of you. And a life in which you feel powerless and scared of your own shadow is not going to be satisfying for you.

This doesn't mean you must turn off all emotion about it or rationalize the whole thing. Of course your feelings are very important, as is your safety. You need to be able to process the things you feel and heal from this experience, and you need to be able to feel safe while you do so. That's very important. It doesn't hurt to increase the safety of your home or public excursions a little bit, just do it for the right reasons. For example, you aren't going it because you are scared to death and let him rule your thoughts and actions throughout the day, but you do want to be safe, especially at a time when that safety is compromised and you need to be able to heal. I hope you can find a nice balance between the two. Trauma is hard, but it's even harder when it is still constantly being reignited. Be sure you also have the support of loved ones in addition to the other things I mentioned.

You don't have to necessarily turn out the lights at all times. For one, you could get black out curtains, which basically make it impossible to tell if there is light on in the house or not. Also, they are really good for helping you get a good night's sleep, something you probably aren't coming by a lot these days. You could also get lights that still look bright but do not appear as bright to the eye. You could use a nightlight at night.

I hope some of these suggestions work, and that your fear and wounds will ease away in time. Rape is a hard, terrible, scary thing, and it can be really hard to deal with, and nearly impossible to fit the pieces back together again. In time, I hope you find a way to do that.



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Re: How to stop being afraid? - December 3rd 2011, 06:59 AM

Wow first off Cops are not supposed to tell you to live like a hermit and never turn your lights on. They are supposed to prevent the perv from stalking you. You should not have to live in a shell because of someone else. I suggest having someone stay with you for a while (make it look like they are moving in permanently) Maybe it will make him think you will not be home alone. Or maybe moving altogether. buy a security camera with night vision and put it somewhere you can't really notice it but where you will be able to see him. Anytime you hear something or see someone around your hose that isn't supposed to be call the police and report it. Eventually they will get the point. Don't take this lightly you don't know what is on this guys mind.

PM me if you need anything (:

   
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Chris Offline
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Re: How to stop being afraid? - December 3rd 2011, 07:30 AM

Go to court again and get a restraining order. The judge will proabably make it around 100 - 500 feet of you or your property. This way there, if he comes near you its a instant go to jail card even if he didnt do anything to you. Personally, I would also have a alarm system on the house (mainly your room) - for extra protection.

Some of the tips above are good too!


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: How to stop being afraid? - December 4th 2011, 05:41 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lacylovebugg View Post
Wow first off Cops are not supposed to tell you to live like a hermit and never turn your lights on. They are supposed to prevent the perv from stalking you. You should not have to live in a shell because of someone else. I suggest having someone stay with you for a while (make it look like they are moving in permanently) Maybe it will make him think you will not be home alone. Or maybe moving altogether. buy a security camera with night vision and put it somewhere you can't really notice it but where you will be able to see him. Anytime you hear something or see someone around your hose that isn't supposed to be call the police and report it. Eventually they will get the point. Don't take this lightly you don't know what is on this guys mind.

PM me if you need anything (:

I am with the police they have given me a new ID and my best friend is a cop. He and I are so close nothing can break our friendship apart. I am working under tight security with him.
   
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