Triggering (Abuse): Can't figure this out..

[Audacious]

I don't know what happened to me. I don't know what is true and what is something my traumatized mind is thinking up.

I grew up with my grandparnets and parents in the same home...my grandpa was always abusive, verbally, and threatened us physically.
I told my therapist he molested me.
Nobody else knows.
I have no idea if that's the truth.

When I told her, it felt true...it felt so true. I was having dreams about it and having legitimate fears and crying and being scared...but when I really think about an "event", I can't remember a single one clearly.
I feel in my mind that it happened
but I think in my head that it didn't.
It's a pretty big thing to say to somebody, and nobody has ever heard of this before a few weeks ago when I told my therapist.

What is wrong with me? Why can't I remember, and why am I questioning this disclosure? My mind feels all jumbled up and I feel panicked because I am usually so self aware that it's scary. I have no idea what happened to me. People say my mind may be trying to protect me, but I really don't think it is. Am I just a big liar trying to get attention, or is something seriously wrong with me?

I can't figure this out..somebody please help me

[Akito]

Hey there Jennifer,

I don't think something has to be wrong with you in order to have trouble with memories and question them. I often question my own memories; I think, maybe it's something I just wanted or believed to be a memory, something I wanted or believed to be the reality, that it became the reality to me. In this case, it doesn't seem like your mind is trying to protect you but that your mind is simply doubtful of actualities. I don't think you are a "big liar trying to get attention", either. You're scared and panicked, so naturally, you've turned to others for help.

I think you should let your therapist know that you are not certain whether or not what you said about the abuse actually occurred. It is important that she know all of the facts about this and about you so that she can help you uncover the truth of the matter to the best of her ability.

I hope this helps. PM me if you'd like to chat; I'm always up for it. : )