Triggering (Abuse): Bad memories just wont go away..

[strong.but.broken]

Uhm, well i dont really know how to start. I was assaulted when i was 14, by my boyfriend at the time (he was 18). It happened about 8 times, but ive tried blocking it out so much to the point where i cant really remember much, which in a way could be a good thing. I didnt have sex with him, just forced to do oral stuff, and looking back, i was so NAIVE to think someone who was four years older would have actually been interested in me for just me, not my body. He tried to have sex with me, a number of times, but couldnt 'get it in' (graphic i know, sorry!)

I know it must sound silly, but it still affects me. Hes now engaged with a small baby, and although ive been in a relationship for nearly three years now (he knows about all of it and is amazing) i still get flashbacks and just think, why was i so stupid?! I sort of feel like i shouldnt even be thinking about it, but its now just coming up to the 3 year 'anniversary' of when it first started happening, and if anyone can help, how can i just move on?

Sorry about the essay! X

[Incompris]

The only way to move on is to deal with what happened. Trying to "forget" it won't work.

Have you talked to anyone about what happened? I was never sexually assaulted, but I was abused in other ways and had terrible times with flashbacks for years after. Still sometimes now, however I find that when I talk with someone I trust about it it makes me feel better, especially when they are encouraging and reassure me that x won't happen or x isn't true, etc. Bottling it up and ignoring it makes me feel worse and sends me into depression.

You cannot blame yourself for what happened. It was not, by any means, your fault. You were young, all young people are naive. That does not make you stupid. This was entirely his fault.

[strong.but.broken]

Originally Posted by Incompris

The only way to move on is to deal with what happened. Trying to "forget" it won't work.

Have you talked to anyone about what happened? I was never sexually assaulted, but I was abused in other ways and had terrible times with flashbacks for years after. Still sometimes now, however I find that when I talk with someone I trust about it it makes me feel better, especially when they are encouraging and reassure me that x won't happen or x isn't true, etc. Bottling it up and ignoring it makes me feel worse and sends me into depression.

You cannot blame yourself for what happened. It was not, by any means, your fault. You were young, all young people are naive. That does not make you stupid. This was entirely his fault.

Only my best friend and my boyfriend know what happened, and they have both been a massive support. I think i just dont like bringing it up, because it brings back the bad memories of feeling dirty and disgusting all the time.. And i know you say not to blame myself, but i cant see how not to? If i hadnt been so stupid in the first place, none of it would have happened? I cant help but think like that. X

[Incompris]

Originally Posted by strong.but.broken

Only my best friend and my boyfriend know what happened, and they have both been a massive support. I think i just dont like bringing it up, because it brings back the bad memories of feeling dirty and disgusting all the time.. And i know you say not to blame myself, but i cant see how not to? If i hadnt been so stupid in the first place, none of it would have happened? I cant help but think like that. X

I know it brings back all the memories, but talking through them helps to deal with them and cope with them. If you confront them, they'll go away, but if you just ignore them they will always be there.

Something like that would have happened to even the smartest person in the world. You being smart or stupid had nothing to do with it. He took advantage of you, and that was entirely his fault.

[Kbug13]

This was not your fault at all! People like that make you think they love you and wouln't hurt you, but they end up hurting you anyway! I was raped and severally abused by my dad to I get flash backs all the time what helps me snap out of it is twirling my ring or pulling my necklace ,feeling something real to bring me back it usally helps! Your not stupid you thought somebody loved you and cared he had a role in your life and was supposed to protect you and love you and be someone for you to trust! I'm so sorry this happened, you'll be in my thoughts and prayers!

[Hmcartier15]

I feel the same way I was first abused when I was really young and it went in for a long time. I tried different types of self injury but that only makes these thoughts go away for a short amount of time. The only way I found that helps is to talk about it. I kept things bottled up for too lOng and I am glad im starting to say something now.