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Tigerlily. Offline
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Name: Cheye
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I saw him again today... - December 19th 2011, 09:41 PM

We decided to eat lunch out at Round Table and when we got inside I saw him there, Daniel, the guy who molested me when I was 12... I just shut down and went into a panic mode. He's 2 years older if not 3 years older than me so he's 17 or 18 now. I couldn't help it, I instantly went quiet, I was barely talking and I was looking over my shoulder every minute just to see if he had gone like I was praying for, I can't help it, and I couldn't help it. My parents really didn't notice except me fidgeting a bit more than usual but they didn't know why. It took me a year and a half just to tell them what happened (mainly because I forced myself to forget, but it got brought back up when I started having a boyfriend), but they never did know what he looked like and they never did see him. By the time I told them he had moved a few towns over the week or a few weeks before. But he was here today and I just couldn't handle it. We never pressed charges or anything and I just was beside myself. I didn't know what to do but I couldn't handle the flashbacks and the memories of what he did to me multiple times over two or three different visits to their house (he's my friends older brother).

Am I the only one who acts like this when seeing someone who has done that to them? How can I get over this? What should I do if I ever see him again? Sorry it's so long and for the questions but it seriously freaked me out, I never expected to see him again I guess but I couldn't handle it.


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Re: I saw him again today... - December 19th 2011, 09:52 PM

Hey Cheye.

I know exactly how you feel. A few weeks ago, I went to the pharmacy near my dad's house and I went to check out and I happened to look up at the cashier (I don't normally look people in the eye, stupid anxiety ) and I saw the face of one of the men who molested me as a child. He was only 15 or so at the time, so obviously his face changed and I thought it was a mere coincidence but I looked at the name tag and it said his name. I freaked out and left the store without telling my dad what was wrong. I had a panic attack and I started crying because I honestly thought I'd never see him again.

After I saw him, I texted my boyfriend what had happened and he reassured me that I am safe and there's nothing he could do to hurt me anymore. That the counter between him and I was a wall that he couldn't break through. Of course, it's a little different because he could use that type of analogy considering the situation and where we were.

With your situation, if you ever see him again, I suggest telling someone you love and who supports you to get you out of that setting. You shouldn't be around him if you have such horrid and vivid flashbacks. It's important for your mental health that you feel safe and secure in any situation. Going out with your family should make you feel safe, not panicky.

Of course, if you live in a small town or you live close by to this person it's going to be tough to avoid him. Do your best, that's all you can do. And remember, it happened years ago and you ARE safe now. You have people who love you and who will protect you.

Practice breathing exercises so you don't have a hard time breathing, if you ever do. Plus breathing can help you feel safer. Think about happy times and FOCUS on the present. Don't let the flashbacks control you. No matter how hard that may seem, it's possible to do.

I hope I helped a bit. If you need anymore advice please feel free to PM me. I'll be more than glad to help.

Take care.
   
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Re: I saw him again today... - December 20th 2011, 01:56 AM

Thank you Brittany, it was just so hard seeing him again, I refused to make eye contact, I kept looking in the reflection from a glass backing to the booth we were in to see if he had gone yet, and whenever he went to go fill his drink or get more pizza I absolutely refused to go up. It's just so hard because I was only 12, I had no clue what was going on then, he was doing it to make himself try to be straight since he's gay and got hated on for it, but he had no right to do that to me either way. I mean he lives a bit away, I live in Carson City, Nevada and he moved to Vegas. Now my friend moved like a year after he did to be with her family there like he did, so I have no clue why he was here, he was with friend's I guess, it just caught me so off guard, I couldn't stop shaking.

Anyway thanks for the advice and I did want to tell my parents but I was with my mom and aunt, currently my aunt has been emotionally abusive and sometimes physically since I was about 10, and she gets really pissed and out of control over the smallest things. The last thing I needed was her getting up and going over to him yelling and screaming then physically assaulting him. I'm moving to California soon so then I have barely any chance of ever seeing him again thank God, but if I do, I don't know how that'll be since I'd be with my dad and he has no clue what all I've been through at all. Thanks again, and I'll PM you if I ever need to talk more about this stuff.


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