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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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alliannasmomma5 Offline
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Question confused and afraid of being touched... - December 21st 2011, 12:56 PM

yesterday, i was laying in the wrestling room at my school with my best friend aaron because neither of us eat lunch and well we sorta were making out and it went further then it should of. and since i was raped last month, i haven't liked the idea of a guy even hugging me. but he thought it would help me move past it faster if we went all the way and he showed me he wouldn't hurt me like the asshole that raped me. but i sorta freaked out and started crying. he stopped immediately, sat me up, told me it was ok and held me. he even walked (well carried) me to the nurse and then my next class because i didnt wanna go by myself. but i cant even look at him now because i feel like the rape happened all over again. all he was trying to do was help me so i wouldn't cry so much and spaz out when a guy came near me. i wanna just be able to tell him he did nothing wrong and its ok but i don't know, i cant seem to get those words out of my mouth when he's around.

any advice on how to make it so im not afraid to look at him or let him hug me anymore?


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 21st 2011, 07:53 PM

Awh, Mandii. I wish I had something to tell you that would make it easier to let guys touch you, but I don't. You need time to heal, my dear. Aaron knows you were raped, so I'm sure he understands why you reacted the way you did. It's perfectly natural that being touched by a guy would bring back memories of the horrors you felt when you were raped. The fact that he took such good care of you after the fact shows that he already knows what you can't say to him. Don't rush anything, girl. Take baby steps. Little by little, you'll start to feel more comfortable with Aaron, or any other guy you choose, touching you. Just be patient and allow your mind time to heal itself.


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 21st 2011, 11:56 PM

Thanks sammi.. I'll just stick to keeping my distance from guys from now on. Because I hate this feeling...


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 22nd 2011, 01:19 AM

I agree 100 percent with sammi!! I was sexually abused and all by my dad for years! it's still hard to trust men. You just need to set boundries for your self when your around men ,don't shut them out completely ! just make boundries and make sure they're aware of them! You'll be in my thoughts and prayers! Merry christmas!


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 22nd 2011, 01:38 AM

Thanks.... I think I should prolly text Aaron and talk to him. I feel bad because I know he thought he hurt me and I guess he kinda did but it wasn't intentional so I don't want him upset. I gotta find a way to talk to him without getting scared and upset. Gaaaah. But thanks both of you. :/


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 22nd 2011, 05:23 AM

If you're still afraid to talk to him in person, consider writing him a letter. I know it sounds cheesy, but it'll let you get all your feelings down. Don't erase what you say and try to make it sound more eloquent. Just let it all come from the heart. Trust me, it'll mean a lot to him and I'm sure he'll be glad to know that you're okay.


wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 23rd 2011, 02:19 AM

I was gonna text him a really long text yesterday but got scared and just saved it in my phone. But i saw Aaron during gym and I let him read the text and he said he was sorry like soo many times. But i still couldn't say it's ok. Ughh I tried to hug me and I kinda shrugged but let him. I loved his hugs. I know it's crazy but I think his hugs were always magical.


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 23rd 2011, 03:11 AM

That doesn't sound crazy at all. But, you need to stop trying to force it, hunn. Let it come naturally. Like I said, it's going to take time for you to heal. Let that happen naturally, okay? It'll be better for you in the end.

Message me if you wanna talk some more.


wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie
   
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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 23rd 2011, 07:32 AM

Going all the way wouldn't help anything, obviously as it was shown. Just like Sammi said you have to give it time. There will be a point where it's going to take some strength to step up and step over but let that time come to you. In the meantime find someone you can open up to and talk about it.


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 23rd 2011, 12:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LovesBrokenDream View Post
That doesn't sound crazy at all. But, you need to stop trying to force it, hunn. Let it come naturally. Like I said, it's going to take time for you to heal. Let that happen naturally, okay? It'll be better for you in the end.
i adore his hugs! but anyways i guess i just am tired of chasing people away because i'm either losing my mind or scared of guys going anywhere near me. i know i should just let it come naturally. and ill try to.
thanks sammi!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Youth Pastor View Post
Going all the way wouldn't help anything, obviously as it was shown. Just like Sammi said you have to give it time. In the meantime find someone you can open up to and talk about it.
i opened up to aaron and we still talk even after this. hes a big help and a big part of my life as he is my best friend. i just cant tell him he did nothing wrong and that its ok. i mean i know that his "brilliant" idea wasn't really all that great but he was just trying to help and make me feel better.
but anyways, thanks erik!


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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 23rd 2011, 07:39 PM

I am so sorry about what happened to you and that it is making you feel this way. Nobody should have to go through something like that or feel afraid of their friends or family hugging them. To me hugs are great and lovable and should make people happy. It may take a while but over time it will get easier to deal with. As far as not being able to tell him that it's okay well just give it some time and I am sure he understand's Also going all the way and rushing into something like that right after a bad experience wouldn't really help I think it would make anyone afraid. I am sure he meant well though.
   
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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - December 26th 2011, 08:18 PM

Thanks Stacy!


Allianna Faith 3/10/11-9/18/11 </3
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Re: confused and afraid of being touched... - January 5th 2012, 10:44 AM

You can close this if you want..


Allianna Faith 3/10/11-9/18/11 </3
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