Abused. What now?

[bethechange]

I posted recently about being sexually abused by a guy at a party. Basically I had too much to drink (without realizing it) and even though I said no several times, I was too weak (and intoxicated) to physically do anything to stop him. It led to what I've come to realize is considered oral rape.

Before, I posted because I wanted to make sure that what I had experienced was sexual abuse, but now I guess I'm just wondering what I should do about it. I don't have any intentions of pressing charges or anything of the sort. I just still don't know how to feel about it. I mean I really haven't stopped thinking about it since it happened, but I don't necessarily feel extremely depressed about it.

I keep thinking it would feel good to tell someone, but I really can't think of anyone I would feel comfortable telling. Also, I would feel stupid telling someone because I do feel like it was partially my fault. I know people always say it's never the victims fault. But I think I should definitely feel responsible for my actions when I drink. I chose to drink that night and it really does make me feel guilty for what happened.

Today, one of my friends happened to bring up amongst the group that 1 in 5 women is sexual abused. Another friend commented that we were all so lucky because there was more than 5 of us. I almost started crying, which was bizarre because I hadn't even realized that I felt so emotional about it.

I'm really confused about how to feel about what happened. I really just wish there was something I could do that would help me let go of the experience. Any thoughts?

[Childish Giggle]

Hey there!
I am sorry that this happened to you.
You are very confused right now, so the first thing that I'll suggest is writing down what happened in detail. It will be like confronting it and at the same time help you clear your thoughts. When we are confused, writing is the best method to clear our confusion because when we write things down and read it, it becomes clearer to us. Start with the facts. When you are clear about what happened move on to how you feel about it. You don't have to show it to anyone. Do it for yourself. And read whatever you write. You can tear it up afterwards.
I hope that helps
Stay strong <3
If you want to talk, feel free to PM/VM me anytime