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newyorkcomma Offline
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How do I move on? - December 29th 2011, 07:50 PM

I could use some advise as to how others have or are trying to move on from something like this.

My ex boyfriend used and abused me to the point of no longer being able to have a normal relationship.

I recently started seeing a new guy who is sweet, kind hearted and selfless. But when he does things that a normal person wouldn't find annoying, I find it sends me over the deep edge and I get so angry with him, or resent him. I don't know how to talk to him about my past relationship before him, but I'm scared that by being so damaged I'm pushing away something that might actually be good for me.

I don't know how to fix this and be able to just love again. I recently moved so I don't really know any one in the city yet, nor can I even afford proffesional help. I could really just use some help
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Re: How do I move on? - December 30th 2011, 06:48 PM

Firstly, I'm sorry you had to go through that.

Secondly, let him know you get annoyed by things he does, but it's not his fault. It's okay to let people know you have 'issues'. They don't need to know the extent unless you know them well, but to say "Hey, if I get annoyed at you over nothing, I'm sorry. I've got some stuff in my past that I'm dealing with and for some reason I get annoyed easily due to it."

If they're a good person, they'll understand. Some people might ask what happened. If you trust them, tell them. They might need a few days or a week to figure out how to handle the information, but they should be willing to help.

This is what I did with a guy I liked very very soon after I was sexually abused. And...now he's my boyfriend of 2 years. He didn't even take time away. He just said "Oh, wow. I don't know what to say. But I won't do that to you." And he helped me get better.

PM if you want to talk or have any questions.
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Re: How do I move on? - December 30th 2011, 10:13 PM

Im so sorry you went through all of that, its difficult to tell a new boyfriend about your past, but you might be surprised with how supportive they are. When you think the time is ready, just let him know youve had bad experiences in the past, and that if you need to have a rant every now and again, to let you. If your bottling things up, that sometimes makes the anger worse, when all your probably need is a cuddle and someone to say 'its ok'.

Keep strong,
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