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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 3rd 2012, 11:35 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Well I figured I might as well talk about it here... When I was 17 years old I was raped by another kid at my school. I was new to the school and I hardly knew anybody and he was nice to me. For the first couple of weeks he was a great friend and then one day we walked to his house for lunch and things went downhill from there. It was one of the most terrible experiences of my life and even now 3 years later I am ashamed for letting it happen and not being able to stop it. Angry that I had no idea something like that would happen even though I had heard rumors about him i didn't believe they were true because he seemed so nice and I was desperate for a friend. Of course I avoided him after that and eventually transferred to a different school but to this day the only person I have told about it is my Fiance. It bother's me now that I never got him into trouble for it because I have a bad feeling he has done it to more people than just me. I still know his name and everything it would be easy to get him for it now but I just don't wan't to bring it up now after all this time When I am with my fiance in that way I am very nervous every time even though I love him and I know he would never hurt me and even though we have been together for over 2 years. Is it normal to still feel nervous after all that time? will it ever fade? And was it wrong of me to never tell the police? I just feel so guilty lately . Is it to late to go to the police about it now? What if he has changed and hasn't done it again? If so I would rather not bring attention to myself. It bothers me that I will get married and I have this haunting me. I don't even know if getting him caught now would make me feel better.

Last edited by Squiggly; January 4th 2012 at 12:09 AM.
   
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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 4th 2012, 12:05 AM

Stacy I'm sorr for what you went through. Going through a rape can be a very traumatic experience and it takes time to move on from. So yes it's ok to still feel nervous, etc around people. As far as if its too late, although you should have reported it sooner, I don't believe it realy is too late by law to report it.
   
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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 5th 2012, 04:48 PM

Hey Stacy

I am so sorry that this happened to you. You did not deserve this at all and it is definitely not your fault. You deserve to move past this and feel safe but I can tell that unfortunately, you don't.

I think that because you didn't get any closure it is normal to still feel nervous. You havent told anyone but your fiance and us here on TeenHelp. I really suggest you find someone else to talk to about it such as a therapist. I found therapy to be really helpful the last year and a half after I was raped by my ex boyfriend. They've provided me with a safe place to express myself and somewhere I can be 100% honest about what happened to me. I don't get judged there and I'm not scared. I think it'd help you out a lot to start seeing someone or at least to talk about it with someone you can trust.

Alot of rapes and sexual assaults go unreported. Of course, they should always be reported so that the abuser can be put away and you can feel safe again, but sometimes fear of what could happen and the shame that one feels overwhelms them so they hide. If you were to report him now, there would be little to no evidence to prosecute him. So yes it is possible but itd be very hard for him to get sentenced unless someone else has been abused by him and is willing to press charges.

Please don't feel guilty. This was not your fault and there are ways to overcome these feelings. I really hope you find peace someday and you're able to live a happy life with your fiance. Remember, it is possible and there are resources available to you to help you.

If you ever need someone to talk to about this or anything else, feel free to message me. I'll be more than willing to listen and help.

Take care,
Brittany
   
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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 5th 2012, 06:10 PM

It is never too late to talk to the police about what happened, and odds are he is still doing it to other girls. People like that don't just stop. I believe that this feeling of guilt wont go away until you let the police know, and I know that you don't want to go through all of that, but in the end your going to feel relieved, not just that your free, but that all those other girls that he may or may not be raping are free too. I am so sorry that this has happened to you but its never too late. People get convicted for rape sometimes after 20 years of it happening. Its only been a few years. You know his information. I know you can do it I don't want you to feel as if this was all your fault though, stuff like this just happens. You trust the wrong kind of person and they take advantage of you. People like that have some serious control issues. It is not your fault; nobody could have seen it coming. Even though there were rumors about him, yo never know the person until you get to know them yourself. Stay strong and don't be scared to tell your parents or guardian if you feel as if you can trust them. Right now your need support


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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 5th 2012, 08:38 PM

Hey guys I wanted to say thank's a whole lot for everything you have said I really appreciate it . It was just the push I needed to go and do what I have wanted to do for a long time. I wen't with my Fiance today after work and talked to the police about it I was EXTREMELY nervous! As it turns out the guy has already been in jail for 7 months because 2 girls came forward together and told that he had done the same to them as he had to me. I was so relieved that I wouldn't have to go to court or anything or let anyone else know about it! They got me to write a statement and were really nice to me about it they also told me that they can possible add to his jail time with my statement but as it stands he will be in jail for 3 years still. i still feel a bit bad that he didn't stop at me but i am so happy that he is paying for what he has done. I can't even describe the relief I am feeling right now!
   
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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 5th 2012, 08:50 PM

Glad to see you finally went to the police about. Good job! Also glad to see that he has been caught although sadly it was a little too late. It must be a great relief to finally be able to put this behind you. Again i'm so proud of you!
   
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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 5th 2012, 08:55 PM

Thank you so much Amber! it really is SUCH a huge relief I am just so incredibly happy that it is over and done with and taken care of. I am still shaking from it!
   
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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 6th 2012, 02:23 AM

Stacy you did the right thing and I'm so glad that he is behind bars. Its a shame that he did it to other people but its great that he wont be able to do it again.
   
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Re: It was a long time ago but it still bothers me :( - January 20th 2012, 03:09 AM

I know what you are going through. When i was in my softmore year of high school, i was new to the school and i found it comforting that a boy i thought was cute liked me also. I started dating him and I got very close to him. I told him all of my intimate details of my life, and i shared with him that i had been abused as a child. (kid) he swore to me that he would never let anything like that ever happen to me ever again. So from that day i trusted him. I was over at his house one night and he wanted to have sex with me. I didnt feel comfortable with that and i didnt want to. I told him no, but he forced himself on me. I was raped. (NO means NO, no matter who it is or how old you are)
I moved schools and didnt ever see him again.

I feel bad that i never told anyone, and sometimes i think that he could be out there doing this same thing to another girl. I never reported it, and sometimes that makes me feel guilty.

You are just going to have to make the decision; ???If i dont say anything to the police, will this guy have the oppertunity to hurt another girl??? If your answer strongly leans twards yes, then you should tell someone; also consider if you are getting married soon, will this have any affect on your marrage, and do you think that everyone that has/has not been there will be there.

I never reported mine. I was 16 when it happened, and i live everyday regreting it, because he had an uncurable STD, that i now have to live with. I knew his name and i wanted to so bad, but i kept telling myself it was my fault, and that im not lovable and that no one will ever believe me...and so on... i am almost 21 years old now, and till this day i still have nightmares and wonder if he is out there hurting another girl, helpless and alone like me.

Just talk it over with your fiance' and if he and you both think it is a good idea go to the police.. This will stur up lots of memories, but it may also help someone else if he has done it to others..

GOOD LUCK!!! hope you feel better!!
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