How to tell parents about sexual assault?

[FlyingandSkying]

Hi all,

I'm a sophomore at college and last spring I was sexually assaulted by a guy know. I saw a counselor at school about it till summer but I was still really struggling to hold myself together. I kind of gave up in my classes because I couldn't do my work and some days I couldn't get myself to class. I thought about it all the time, and when the thoughts got to be too much I would just go to sleep. It got to a point where I was sleeping ~12 hours a day. I lied to my parents about how I'd done that semester, because I couldn't handle telling them about what happened with the guy and I thought by the next fall I'd be back on track.

Things got a lot better for me over the summer, and for a month into the fall semester things were fine, but it turns out that the guy got a new girlfriend who was in one of my classes, and one day I ran into him when he was waiting for her afterwards. After that I would get so nervous about seeing him that I would talk myself out of going, and I skipped it for the rest of the semester. I couldn't bring myself to talk to my professor about it so I failed it. Now I'm on academic probation.

I don't know what to do. I'm on break now and the stress and anxiety from knowing they'll find out sooner or later is becoming unbearable. I called my old counselor to make appointments for next semester, and I've made appointments with my advisors at school to figure out how to get my grades back up and what classes to retake. I know I can handle the work-this fall I did fine in all my other classes besides the one I never went to- but I don't know if my parents will understand. They're strict and overprotective, and I think they're going to freak out about the grades, not trust me to handle it, and make me move back home.

But I need them to trust me. I've felt helpless and terrible because of this for too long, and now that I've finally started taking charge of things and getting myself the help I need, I can't go back to that. But even taking the school problems out of the picture, I have no idea how to tell them what happened with the guy. They worry so much and nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I don't want to hurt them, but I have to explain what's going on and I'm so so so worried it's going to make them really upset.

If any of you have any advice on how to tell my parents, please help me out. I don't have anyone else I can talk to about this right now.

[Chris.]

It will make them upset - but they wont be upset at you - they will be upset at the situation. Communication is #1 here - and eventually you need to tell them and I really think that this is the time. Tell them face to face - because believe it or not they will back you up and support you more than you can understand right now.

So the best thing to do is face to face - or if you would like to make a letter or type it and leave it on there table so they can read. Either way, make sure you put all the details into it and express all your feelings. They are your parents, and they love you and will eventually understand.



Best wishes,
Chris

[Le bonheur*]

Hey,

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. However, you did the right thing by going to see a counselor. Sometimes, something like this is hard to handle by yourself. You really should tell your parents. They're not going to be mad at you for it, or for keeping it from them. I'm sure they'll be understanding. If you can't actually tell them face-to-face, try writing them a letter. Explain what's happened, the effects of it, and that you ARE going to do your best to make the grades up. It's great that you're getting back on track and you want to change your life for the better and this is the next step so that your parents aren't out of the loop.

Take care,
Brittany