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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
rizz Offline
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Exclamation my sis is friends with my rapist!!! - January 13th 2012, 10:37 AM

how is it that people can still be friends with people who has hurt (i dont mean in an emotional way either) someone they know and after that person admitted to doing it.

ok so my sister is friends with my rapist...even after he told her and my mother that he did it...he even had that balls to apologise to them..not to me thank gosh..coz i would have punched him (sorry i'm abit mad...i just found out)

he raped me for 4 yrs (his my step brother, so i couldn't get away from him) and she has him on her facebook page and he even goes over to her house and baby sits her kids and one isn't much younger (maybe even the same age, i haven't seen them in awhile) then i was when he started raping me.

i just don't get it.

it's like a slap in the face...like she doesn't even care that he did it...he told her he did it and she still hangs around him and he told her he did it the 1st day they met (she didn't live with us when my dad re married)

how can i ever talk to her after she has done this???


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Re: my sis is friends with my rapist!!! - January 13th 2012, 04:56 PM

I'm really sorry this happened to you. <3
I understand how you are feeling, totally.
maybe you shouldnt talk to her. Give her a little bit to understand how much she is hurting you.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my sis is friends with my rapist!!! - January 13th 2012, 05:31 PM

Hey there,

I can't say that I completely understand cause I don't. However what I do know is that you need to talk to her. Explain to her that your well-being (emotional/physical) is much more important than this "friendship" she has with this terrible man. If you can't bring yourself to talk to her face to face, I suggest suggest writing her a letter and leaving it with her. Just be sure that its only her that reads it.

Does your mother know that she's friends with him? I can imagine shed be a bit upset as well. Perhaps you can have her talk to your sister if you don't feel comfortable.

I was sexually abused by a family friend and my sister continued being friends with him years after but I told her what he did to me and she knew it'd be wrong to stay friends with him. They no longer talk and now I feel so much better.

So in that sense, I understand how you're feeling. Hurt, betrayed, probably even confused. However the only thing you can do is talk to her. If she doesn't want to cut him out of his life, its best not to hang around her because you could be in danger again.

I hope I helped and I'm so sorry you've had to go through all of this. I'm always around if you need to talk to someone.

Take care,
Brittany
   
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Re: my sis is friends with my rapist!!! - January 13th 2012, 10:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by rizz View Post
how is it that people can still be friends with people who has hurt (i dont mean in an emotional way either) someone they know and after that person admitted to doing it.

ok so my sister is friends with my rapist...even after he told her and my mother that he did it...he even had that balls to apologise to them..not to me thank gosh..coz i would have punched him (sorry i'm abit mad...i just found out)

he raped me for 4 yrs (his my step brother, so i couldn't get away from him) and she has him on her facebook page and he even goes over to her house and baby sits her kids and one isn't much younger (maybe even the same age, i haven't seen them in awhile) then i was when he started raping me.

i just don't get it.

it's like a slap in the face...like she doesn't even care that he did it...he told her he did it and she still hangs around him and he told her he did it the 1st day they met (she didn't live with us when my dad re married)

how can i ever talk to her after she has done this???

I don't really understand your sister's thought process here. Don't get me wrong, being friends with this guy is totally disloyal, disgusting and thoughtless, but taking the step of actually allowing him to be alone with her children (of which are the same age as you were when he raped you) is absolutely incomprehensible.

Did you ever talk to the police about this? Because if you didn't (and I understand how difficult that would be) it might be time to give it a good think about considering your nieces might possibly be at risk and your sister is too dense to do anything about it.

If I were you I'd talk to my sister and tell her exactly how I was feeling. If the reality of the situation doesn't slap her in the face I would cut her out of my life. You don't need that kind of poison around you, blood or not.


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Re: my sis is friends with my rapist!!! - January 13th 2012, 11:14 PM

This is unbelievable. I couldn't stand being put into this kind of situation. I would cut off all relations to all of them, but that's just me. If they don't respect my feelings then they don't deserve to call me their friend. Especially if shes your SISTER, that's terrible if she cant respect your feelings. It'll be fine in the end though, but if he starts coming to you and giving you a hard time (talking to you even) call the police and get a restraining order. You deserve to feel comfortable in your own house at least.


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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: my sis is friends with my rapist!!! - January 14th 2012, 01:57 AM

i do have a restraining order on him...i got one after he come up and threatened me over and over again but it hasn't stopped him, he once got someone to distract me while he went into my home, i didn't even know till he left and bragged about it.

she just doesn't care and to top it off i was just on facebook and some of my "so-called" friends are friends with him too.

it's like what he did to me means nothing to them, like what he did wasn't that bad and i'm so worried that i'll end bad for them. i have had other people who were friends with him...i warned them, they didn't listen and not long later they come back apologising saying that he had raped them too but to have my own sister do this...hurts the worse...and since he openly told people you would think they would stay away but they don't care, and in a way it's like they are saying that i don't matter to them.

he even has his own kids now and is married to a woman who knows what he did, she even emailed me once warning me to keep my mouth shut about what he did or else.

i just wish that these people would understand what they are doing to me.

and yes my mother knows...she just isn't bothered by it.

i donno what to do...i don't want to cut my family and friends off but i want nothing to do with him unless it's in a court


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Re: my sis is friends with my rapist!!! - January 14th 2012, 06:52 AM

You should talk to her in detail. And if that doesn't work, well, cut all relations with her. Your sister ought to know that what she's doing is totally unbelievable and absurd. Stay strong. xx
   
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