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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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kitkat kati Offline
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Question will this lead to being abused? - February 10th 2012, 03:25 PM

i went to my dads recently. my mom and dad split up when i was 1.5 years old and were never married, just so you know. anyways, i went to my dads. he finally stopped smoking. but hes been acting kind of different ever since. when he was smoking he would ignore me all the time. now that he has stopped he still kind of ignores me but not as much. and when we go to the store or something and i say something to myself cause i was just thinking aloud he asks me what it was i said. i just tell him it was nothing. he continuously asks me and every time i say it was nothing he punches my leg. every time i dont tell him he punches a bit harder. this continues until i tell him, even when we are out of the car and heading into the store, he will keep doing it but punch my arm instead. is this something that may lead to abuse, is it considered as abuse, or what? what are the signs that someone may become abusive? i want to know so i can keep myself safe in case it does get worse and whatnot.

i know that there are many other kinds of abuse than just physical. my dad cusses a lot. he calls me a bitch and makes fun of me for being "emo".
heres an example:
my grandmother, grandfather, aunt, uncle, two little cousins, dad, dads girlfriend, and i were all sitting outside having a cookout. we were eating and i was in my usual choice of clothing of dark colored t-shirt, black tank under that, jeans, fingerless gloves, and grey and black scarf. at the time my hair was black and purple. as we are eating they all start talking about my style. my dad then looks at me and gives a slight smirk and asks "so kati... who is your role model, hero, or whatever the hell you wanna call it?" in the corner of my eye i see him look at my grandfather and uncle and giving them some sort of look. my grandfather got the hint i guess and made a comment to add to it. "yea kati. who is it? the emo slut in her dark clothing, colored hair, and piercings and tattoos all over?" everyone started laughing and making more comments. i was on the verge of tears so i went to a nearby pond and started skipping rocks, silently crying to myself as i blared music into my ears with my ipod. when i finally calmed down i went back and finished eating, the music still blaring in my ears. i ignored everyone cause i could tell they were still talking about me. when i was done eating i told my dad that the food was good cause he was the one who cooked it and then went back upstairs to his apartment.
he always gets everyone else in on making fun of me and whatnot. this is considered as verbal abuse correct? if i am wrong about this please correct me.

if im correct about all of this then please tell me what i can do to prevent it from happening again or getting worse. i really dont know what to do.
   
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Re: will this lead to being abused? - February 10th 2012, 05:21 PM

I think a lot of what you're talking about depends on the intensity and his intentions. Some people curse a lot, but otherwise are very nice people. When he punches you, is it hard in an attempt to hurt you, or more gentle like he's trying to annoy you until you tell him? I think it's the same when he says things like that to you. While it isn't the nicest thing to do, and certainly adults should know better than to join in on it, it might just be his way of trying to relate to you. Dads often say things that aren't necessarily the best thing because they have trouble relating to teenage girls. Let him know that it bothers you and ask him not to do it anymore, he might not realize that it bothers you. If he continues or it gets worse, let someone know. When I started having problems with my dad, my mom gave me the (shared) cell phone and said to call her anytime and she would come to get me, or I could just call to vent so he wouldn't drive me absolutely crazy. You're also old enough to have some say in this, if you really don't want to see him, let someone know and you might not have to go at all.


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Re: will this lead to being abused? - February 10th 2012, 06:21 PM

he punches pretty hard. its not in the annoying kind of way. it feels like hes doing it to hurt me. and about making fun of me and getting others in on it, he does it on purpose cause he knows it gets to me. ive asked him why he does it before and he said its cause he thinks its funny. a few years back i asked him to stop nicely and told him how much it hurts me. he just smirked and said "good to know". ever since then hes done it a lot more often than he used to. i know that i should have a say in it considering im 16, but my mom gives me no choice. if i have plans that weekend she says "too bad, youre going to your fathers." and "well call your friends and cancel. youre going whether you want to or not."
   
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Re: will this lead to being abused? - February 11th 2012, 08:59 AM

Wow I'm really sorry you have to put up with that. I'd suggest getting a cell phone if you don't already have one incase things do get worse. There is always the option for telling your school counsler of how he is treating you, maybe they could help?

Best of luck!
   
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Re: will this lead to being abused? - February 12th 2012, 11:31 AM

have you asked him to stop these things? it would be the best way to find out his intentions, even if he says something like 'you know im only messing around' but then continues, i would consider it abuse,

did he know you were crying when you went of on your own? does your mom know whats happening, how does she react if she does?

definately tell a friend you trust, someone you can trust and confide in.

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Re: will this lead to being abused? - February 13th 2012, 05:24 PM

I would say that is abuse - nobody should be punching you ect, you should tell someone like a teacher or the police or a family member or a friend.



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its gotten worse - March 8th 2012, 04:09 PM

i made a thread on here a long while ago and didnt realize that it was replied to. the thread is "will this lead to being abused?" by none other than me. not only did i want to reply to some responses i had but its gotten worse...

replies to some responses:
ms. meow: i do have a cell phone but lately when i go to my dads i dont have it because my mom takes it away for the weekend for apparently doing something wrong... so i have no way to contact anyone cause dad wont let me use his phone... i refuse to go to the school counselor now becuase all other times ive gone they didnt even care. id go in there just after seeing them helping someone of a supposed higher rank than i am (although i dont believe there are ranks others sometimes do; such as a cheerleader), and theyd just glare at me, give an annoyed sigh, and ask what the hell i want. id tell them whats wrong and theyd just act like its nothing and say "is that all?" id say yes and they would just say "ok then. heres your pass back to class." so basically telling me to get out of their office.
guv11: i have asked him why he is hitting me and asked him to please stop because it hurts but he still does it. "well if you would just tell me what you said then i would stop" he always says and then chuckles playfully as if he is just messing around but it doesnt feel like he is.. with the event i told you about and to answer your question on if he knew i was crying or not, yes, he knew. i took my headphones out for just one minute and heard my grandfather say "awww look... the little emo bitch was crying." and my dad started laughing. i just put my headphones back in and put on another song. i wanted to finish eating as fast as i could so i basically scarfed down my food and went up stairs like i said.. i have told a few friends but none of them know what i can do to prevent it from getting wrose or how they can even help me with this...

how its gotten worse: i went to my dads again not very long ago. hes been going back to mainly ignoring me, but hes been hitting me more now. i'll just be sitting on the chair minding my own business and texting my friends while he plays his video games. he thinks im on my phone too much so when he walks by me he smacks me upside the head hard enough to give me a headache and tells me that i shouldnt be on the phone so much because i dont and shouldnt have shit for a social life. he also punches a lot harder when he is bugging me about things i said to myself. he now does it when hes bugging me about what im talking to my friends about. he knows that i have a lot of guy friends so he asks things like "whatcha talking to your fuck buddies about? the next time youre gonna 'hang out'?" then he starts punching my legs again...

i love my dad... dont get me wrong... and i dont want to report it and get him into all this trouble... i just want him to stop is all...
   
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