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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Lion Heart Offline
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Advice on Avoiding Abusive Ex - February 27th 2012, 06:10 AM

This year I am graduating from high school and am going to be going on to community college. The college I am planning on going to is by far the best in the area and it is unfortunately the one my abusive ex is attending.

My ex was both very emotionally and physically abusive and has rightfully earned the name, 'The Strangler'. In the past he has relentlessly tried to convince me that I am some absolutely crazy person not to want to be with him and that it was my fault I was abused. These messages have been sent over facebook and show that he is still very abusive and is still not taking no for an answer. I have indeed told him that I want nothing to do with him and that he is an abusive creep. We broke up two years ago and this year has started sending me messages again about getting back together. Which is kinda creepy since its been two years.

I am afraid when I go to school he is going to want to "be my friend" in a relentless way and not leave me alone. I really want him out of my life as much as possible. I have secured somethings that might help me out if he refuses to leave me alone or becomes violent because of my rejecting him. For example this summer it is my goal to learn some sort of martial art so I can physically dominate him if he tries to do anything weird to me. I have Facebook messages saying that he has strangled me and us talking about it so I could probably get a restraining order if I needed one. Also I could buy Pepper Spray.

He views me as his object and thinks he can have anything he wants and refuses to be rejected by me. I am wondering what would be the best martial art to take for self defense? Also, is there any advice you have for dealing with him? It would be really helpful if you do, I am very worried about attending school with him and any advice is helpful.

Last edited by Lion Heart; February 27th 2012 at 04:14 PM.
   
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Re: Advice on Avoiding Abusive Ex - February 28th 2012, 12:02 AM

Hi there :-)

To start off, Iíd like to apologize for the late reply. Iíd also like to commend you. I think itís great that youíre not going to let his past abuse get in the way of what college YOU want to go to. Not a lot of abuse victims would be willing to be in the same building as their abuser. You, however, show a clear sign of strength and thatís really something.

I know itís tough but I strongly urge you to get a restraining/protective order. Seeing as you have proof via Facebook, itíll be much easier to go through with the entire process. If heís still threatening you two years later, itís important that you protect yourself in every way possible. Along with the protective order, I think itís great that you want to sign up for self-defense classes. Itís important that you know how to protect and defend yourself in any case. Although I donít know too much about self-defense classes personally, I looked some up. The best one that caught my eye is called ďKrav Maga.Ē

Quote:
Krav Maga is a method of unarmed combat developed by the Israeli military that is becoming increasingly popular throughout the world. Encouraging the use of "dirty moves" that will instantly end the confrontation, Krav Maga combines elements of boxing, Judo, and Jiu-Jitsu, and learning Krav Maga does not require traditional martial-arts training exercises. Krav Maga is considered the best self-defense technique by many trainers because its moves have proven to be both practical and effective in a street-fighting situation, and practitioners can earn a high level of skill in the technique within a relatively short period of time.
So, thatís definitely something to look into. You can also call up some MMA studios near you. You can find these in a phone book, the internet, through friends, etc.

I also wanted to throw it out there that you are NOT his object. You are worth more than him and I hope you realize that you didnít deserve any of what heís done and is still doing.

If he does approach you while at school against the protective order, or without it, contact the closest person. Whether it is a professor, janitor, or another student, it doesnít matter, Iím almost 110% sure that if you tell someone youíre in danger, they WILL help you. If you decide against the protective order and he harasses you at school, contact the police, as theyíll get him for harassment rather than abuse.

I hope this helped. Feel free to PM me if you need more help. I wish you the best of luck with this and with college!

Take care,
~Brittany
   
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Re: Advice on Avoiding Abusive Ex - March 1st 2012, 01:19 AM

Thank you very much for the advice, I'll make sure to be very forward if he comes up to me a tell someone.
   
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Re: Advice on Avoiding Abusive Ex - March 1st 2012, 02:47 AM

Good for you for looking to better yourself, both academically and emotionally!

The thing that most folks in abusive relationships fail to recognize is that they are NOT helpless..you CAN protect yourself (not only with the aforementioned restraining order) but also simply by ignoring him and his request/threats/pleas. You don''t have to respond to him, and it's best not to..and certainly not tell him where you are or what you're doing!

Get in touch with your protective mama cat there and take care of yourself!
   
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Re: Advice on Avoiding Abusive Ex - March 5th 2012, 09:58 AM

ignore this man ,and always keep pepper spray because that stuff is excellent. Call the police on him if it gets serious...ignore him and stay far away from him.Never stay by yourself on campus if he is truly a mad man. I think karate is beneficial for all women...I sugest taekwondo which is basically kicking and using mostly the foot. Good luck to you!
   
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