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Jezebelx Offline
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confused..please help - March 12th 2012, 05:14 AM

o you ever had something that well its like a memory that popped in your head one day but some of it doesnt make sense and there are only bits and pieces of it and you dont know if it did actually happen or not but if it did happen well it kinda messes up your life but if it didnt then where the hell the memory came from ?
o when I was young (donít remember age because itís a fuzzy memory?) I remember my cousin molesting me.. I can remember a few things happening and well some of it just doesnít add up and I can only remember bits and pieces and it sometimes almost doesnít seem real.. I was very close with him he took me everywhere with him and I loved him like an older brother..we told eachother everything and I just pretended it didnít happen because well I didnít know If it did or not.. but then in 2008 we spent a week together and on msn one night he started to talk about sex with this girl and he was reading the convo to me and that weirded me out.. and then he made me lay in his bed with him and he found porn on the tv and made me watch it with him and he started asking me weird questions and stuff.. then he told me I could sleep in the bed with him just to tell my aunt the next morning that we werent having sexÖit scared me a lot so I kinda told him I was really tired and left to my bedroom and locked the door.. he left me alone and then that confused me even more as to if the other incidents happened.. then In 2010 I finally told someone.. who told my mom and my mom believed me at first and my grandma said she already thought something was happening between us..but then my mom started to hate me and thought I was lying and my grandma made me do a statement to the cops.. I had to tell a male cop all the stuff that happened and then I started to doubt myself that it did happen because of my mom and I got really scared.. and then soon my mom turned everyone against me and for other reasons and not wanting to get put in foster home a year later I moved out at 16 and have been on my own since then.. idk what to do.. I cant handle this.. the fact that either it all is a made up thing in my head that didnít actually happen and I thought it did and screwed everything up because of it and im a horrrrible person or the fact that my cousin did actually molest me and I cant remember it all.. either way im a horrible person and psycho.. how can I handle this or deal with it.. please helpÖ
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Re: confused..please help - March 13th 2012, 10:07 AM

Whoa, that is quite deep information, I suggest you to believe in yourself, if it is possible for you to talk it through with your mum if you can and clear it out with her.

If that is not possible then I suggest you to seek help I know it may not help but it's worth a try, I could help more if you wanted me to, I have the feeling too.

Also try to be positive, make friends, feel good about yourself even there's nothing but still, you CAN do it.

PM me if you need to.



Live the life.
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Re: confused..please help - March 13th 2012, 10:58 AM

Like Jade said, believe in yourself, if you know your cousin molested you there's no need to doubt yourself, we definitely believe you. I'm sorry your family couldn't understand what you were going through at that time, but we're here for you right now and if you need to vent, we're here to listen.

I seriously admire you as a person. To move out at 16 years of age isn't any ordinary feat. Also, the fact that you've even managed to keep it together even when your family is against you speaks a lot about you as a person.

Head up, you're an awesome person, I have no doubt you're going to go places in life! As Jade said, do anything you can to try to get over this. Make friends, go out, and have a positive attitude, you can do this! If you ever feel depressed, you've got us here to talk to so don't be afraid to come to TeenHelp for anything!

Good luck, Carpe Diem.

Carpe Diem: Seize the Day/Moment. -Horace

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Re: confused..please help - March 13th 2012, 09:48 PM

Don't put yourself down and think you are just making stuff up. It is in your memories for a reason and you do not seem like the kind of person to try and get people in trouble. If your mom punished you for being honest and coming to her, then that is her problem not yours. You did an extremely brave thing when you told people and you should not have been punished for it. I truly hope you can find someone around you that will help you in the way you deserve.
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Re: confused..please help - March 15th 2012, 12:22 AM

Don't make the problem more worse by pulling yourself down. It is hard to accept what happened in the past and it's a total nightmare. Keep hanging on. The situation between your mom is somewhat hard to accept but make every moment count to trust you again.

As eljoria said seek help, help can come from your friends that would hear your sentiments and even your regrets to flow your emotions.
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Re: confused..please help - March 22nd 2012, 08:45 AM

I agree. Believe in yourself, don't put yourself down..

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Re: confused..please help - March 24th 2012, 02:02 PM

OMG, BrokenAngel this is so, so painful. You are unbelievably strong, getting yourself out of there, AND, like, "carrying" the BS all of these family members are putting onto you. I totally understand what you're saying, bc the same happened to me. It is a really common thing in effed-up, sexually abusive families: they blame the victim. And because the victim HAS been victimized, they tend to believe the family when they say, "This didn't happen. You're making this up." It's because they are too weak or guilty or scared to stand up and help you, all they can do is pretend you're FOS. My heart goes out to you. Here's one thing: i absolutely, 1 million percent believe you. Every little bit of what you said. The suspicions, the weird feelings, all of it. I totally believe your intuition.

Are you in a safe place now? do you have support, financially and emotionally? I hope so. And from here, I hope you'll be able to validate yourself, and get a sense of self-defensiveness, so that you'll never again let people violate you, and never again let people make you doubt yourself. Victims of abuse often go one of two ways: they become like epic-strong, go on to conquer all demons and kick arse in life and help carry others when they're older, or they take on the bad-guys' messages and continue to doubt themselves and end up victimized over and over again.

I'm so new on this board, I don't even know if you can DM me (I know, totally doi), but I think my autosignature has my blog's url. If yeah, you can contact me there.

I'm sending you strength.

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Re: confused..please help - March 24th 2012, 05:47 PM

If there is something there, then it might have happened. Although, there are some cases people will have a false memory and think about it so much that they make themselves believe it to be true. How old were you when this happened?

Also, if it bothers you too much, talk to an adult you trust. Get some counseling. A counselor can help you overcome what has happened to you. As well as this, where is your cousin now? Is he in jail for what he did? If not, you might need to tell the police and you might possibly have to go to court against him. If he did it once to you, you don't know who else he could do it to.

Just a girl with an angel above, just a girl with an angel to love. My angel grew wings and she did dare to fly. But I promise my angel, it's only good night but never good-bye. My angel, my angel in heaven above. My angel, my darling, you'll always have my love. Rest in peace, my sweet darling, it's only temporary that we part. My angel, my angel, how you still do steal my heart </3

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