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confusedkid1 Offline
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Is it considered abuse? - March 17th 2012, 09:22 PM

When I was 4 I stayed with my aunt her husband her three step-daughters. My parents were drug addicts and I had just come from being homeless watching whatever was on tv and my dad beating and yelling at my 9 year old brother every other day it seemed. The girls were 12 and 8. The 8 year olds were twins. M was one of the twins they were almost 9. And I had developed crushes on them all. I had dreams about them and I was curious about their bodies. But it happened when we were playing. We were playing tag and I got all excited. And somehow it ended up where I exposed myself. I masturbated as young as I can remember she inquired what I was doing. I was never abused before sexually. My dad sheltered me he was very protective over me I was his only son in blood. He never let anyone touch me. Well she asked if she could touch and she did. And that was that it was brief they called us down for dinner and she forgot all about it. I think at 9 she really didn't know what she was doing just curiosity, I surely didn't know. Then months went by and summer came. And my eighth grade cousin my nine year old cousin and me a pre-schooler that following school year were in the pool. Without parental supervision. We were in the pool and I latched onto her boobs. She didn't stop me it happened several times while we were in the pool. Until wee got back hope it was kind of like a game. She was 12 and I was 4. I kind of felt like my naivete was taken advantage of like she should have known better being 12 and already having sex education she knew toddlers shouldn't be allowed to do that. Yet I blame myself for feeling that way and pursuing but I didn't know right or wrong I just was saying I liked her. I didn't get why married couples had sex to show they love each but not to kids. I didn't understand til a lot later. She told her step mom who kicked me out which was a good thing and now it's seen as my fault. Idk I did feel like she knew better I don't get how a 4 year olds supposed to be responsible?

Last edited by confusedkid1; March 18th 2012 at 04:12 AM.
   
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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 03:35 AM

Oh, dear.

I'm really sorry for you, you've been thru a lot, and it sounds like you've put yourself thru a lot. Let me see what I can do to settle things for you and put your mind at ease.

You grew up in a very dysfunctional place, your parents were drug abusers, they couldn't care for you properly. So, everything that happened gets colored by that awful fact. So, normal things that everyone feels and probably experiences (like sexual arousal and masturbation and curiosity) is seen thru the lens of dysfunction. It's hard to accept 'Normalcy' when everything so fundamental (like parental self control) is so lacking.


You did nothing wrong, other than being in an out of control place. Give yourself a pass, forgive yourself, even if they cannot..remember that their inability to do so is caused by the craziness..it's not a reflection of your behavior.


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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 04:17 AM

To me I was 4 I couldn't be at fault for it. If a 12 year old boy let a 4 year old girl touch him I'd think most would consider him the abuser. I guess that's weird. But I never felt guilty.
   
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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 04:50 AM

You shouldn't feel guilty, you didn't really know any better, considered you grew up in a dysfunctional household, and as far as I can tell, you were never really taught that it was something you really shouldn't do. It wasn't right of them to kick you out, but it happened, and we cannot change the past, we can only learn and grow from it and hope others have as well. However in my opinion, the 12 year old cousin wasn't really at fault either, per say. Meaning, she may not have known that you understood about her different parts (if you did that is), she probably thought you were just curious and thought nothing of it. The thing is with small children, they don't know that where they are putting their hands and if it's a place people shouldn't touch, and most older kids as well as adults know that. However adults know to teach the child not to put their hands there once they are old enough to understand a bit more. Children on the other hand don't know to tell the small child no, sometimes. They just know the little kid doesn't understand what their really touching or how inappropriate it can seem. Long story short, I don't think anyone is really at fault for anything, except possibly the aunt for throwing you out, but as I said before, as sad as it is, it's the past and we can't change our past, only learn from it and hope others did as well. I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through everything you did, and I really hope life has looked up for you since then.


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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 04:55 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by confusedkid1 View Post
To me I was 4 I couldn't be at fault for it. If a 12 year old boy let a 4 year old girl touch him I'd think most would consider him the abuser. I guess that's weird. But I never felt guilty.
Of course you weren't at fault, you were four years old! Four is really young, they're faultless! They cannot do things that are intentionally 'Bad' in that way. Go to a playground and watch them sometimes. They're very vulnerable, and so were you. You trust older people to do right by you. That's what was lacking, though.


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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 05:12 AM

but shouldn't a babysitter know? Anyway she told my aunt so she must have known something. Why are there 12 year olds who were offenders then? I mean if you're in care for a child you should not harm it or allow it to hurt itself I guess I have different standards for babysitters.
   
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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 05:15 AM

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Of course you weren't at fault, you were four years old! Four is really young, they're faultless! They cannot do things that are intentionally 'Bad' in that way. Go to a playground and watch them sometimes. They're very vulnerable, and so were you. You trust older people to do right by you. That's what was lacking, though.
I trusted her being my caregiver at the time...

I remember how I was I just felt my aunt didn't.
   
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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 05:17 AM

Yes, but then again many would argue a 12 year old should not be babysitting. I know that there are laws in a few states in the US if I remember correctly where a babysitter must be 13 years or older, I could be wrong, but last I knew no child under a certain age can be left alone and no child under the age of 13 can legally care for another child. Again, I could be wrong, but that's what I remember hearing/learning. And there are 12 year old offenders because by 12 most have learned about sex and the like and typically a if a young person, like a 12 year old, is a sex offender of sorts, they have violated laws such as sexual assault laws, or indecent exposure to minors while in full awareness it was indecent or sexual assault. In the end it's your choice if you want to blame her, but in my personal eyes, from the information I was given, no one is at fault, it was a chain of bad events that was no one's fault.


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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 05:27 AM

not in my state there was a girl who was 12 on the news watching a 2 year old and we have classes for 11 year olds to babysit and up. So no it's not illegal where I am...
12 year olds are in the 8th grade they date they have sex education and know the boundaries. I think legally it was some sort of abuse.

Last edited by confusedkid1; March 18th 2012 at 05:35 AM.
   
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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 18th 2012, 05:54 PM

You can consider this abuse. Surely, you were violated, things happened that were unwelcome and irresponsible, you got hurt.


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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 19th 2012, 08:55 PM

Hey there,

Being four years old, you don't know right from wrong especially not in that manner. It was definitely not your fault. Yes, the 12 year old should have known better (at least better than a four year old would) and something should've happened to make sure it wouldn't ever happen again. I know you feel pretty bad about what has happened but please don't. It was a long time ago and even though memories don't fade, feelings do. It is possible to get over what's happened and forgive yourself and the person who hurt you.

Take care.
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Re: Is it considered abuse? - March 22nd 2012, 08:43 AM

I think you can consider this abuse.


   
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