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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
RedHairedMaiden Offline
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Unhappy please help..is my mother abusing me? I don't know what to do.. - March 25th 2012, 03:59 AM

I should start by saying that a year ago my mother found out that my father (technically my step father, though he's practically the only father I've ever known) was cheating on her with a 26-yr old known prostitute. They actually had/have a relationship, it wasn't just a one time thing for him. This happened before my 16th birthday. My father was a doctor and my mother a nurse. I have a little brother who is currently 3. My father's girlfriend for some reason found it hilarious to send us threats and tease us and make our lives Hell. My mom wanted answers from my father, like why he did it. He wouldn't tell her and for some reason she started digging around for background information on him. She found a bunch of illegal things he'd been doing and since then she's gone a little..crazy. I think. She claims we're being poisoned, that someone is going to kill us, that our lights in the house moved into contain cameras, that there's a gas leak, etc. I believed her for a while..but for the past few months if I disagree with her, she gets really mad. Mad enough that she'll hit me. There hasn't been a lot of incidents where she actually physically harms me (kicked me once, while I was hiding from her on the floor under a chair, slapped me because I was crying, hit me with a metal-flexible lighter across my arms and chest, pushed me multiple times, and hit me a few times..all of these were on different occasions) but on a daily basis she calls me ugly, a bitch, a cunt, tells me I'm retarded because I don't believe her, says she hopes I die and that she hates me, that she's disappointed in me, that it's my fault my father cheated on her, that I'm crazy, and once she said I shouldn't have been born. I should mention that up until the divorce my mom and I were very close. Almost like best friends. The situation with my little brother isnt much better.. She hardly watches my brother.. I assume she does when I'm at school, though often my grandparents have him. As soon as I get home, he's my responsibilty. He sleeps with me every night and my friends have commented (the ones that know partially what happens when I'm at home) that I'm more like his mom than she. My only escape is school and even them i'm not truly "free". For the past week she wouldnt even let me go to school. I finally went against her wishes because I'm taking college level classes such as Precalculus and an AP US History class combined with an Honors English one, both of which are rather challenging and when I miss them, it messes with my grades. My father isnt involved with us, at all. He is virtually unreachable. My biological father is the same. My grandparents dont know about what my mom does and says to me. I feel that it isnt right..am I being abused? I don't want to tell anyone or call CSD.. she's my only parent now. I don't know what to do.. I can't become emancipated because I have no way to financially support myself. I can't drive because my mom won't take me to get my permit (she says my bith certificate was stolen). I should also say that sometimes I say things I shouldn't and that I sometimes forget to vacuum and unload the dishwasher.. she tells me I'm the worst daughter ever..am I? I appreciate any help.. I often wish I had a way out.

Last edited by RedHairedMaiden; March 25th 2012 at 04:39 AM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: please help..is my mother abusing me? I don't know what to do.. - March 25th 2012, 04:18 AM

Hi there, I'm sorry that you've had to go through so much. And know that none of what happened, or is happening, is your fault. I think your mother really isn't in a sounds state of mind right now, and that the way she acts when you disagree with her, is out of line. I know you don't want to get authorities and the like involved, but in a case like this, I think it might be best. Have you talked to her about the way she's treated you? If not, I think you both need to sit down and have a very serious conversation on the way she acts. It sounds to me like she might need help after this whole divorce. Maybe ask her to get help? But if you guys talk and she refuses to get help, I think you should involve the authorities, for your safety as well as your little brother's and your mom's. I know it may seem odd, but I think your mom really could use some help like counseling to deal with what happened. This is obviously very stressful on her, but it gives her NO right to say or do those things to you, or anyone else. I think it would be in the best interest of all of you for you to involve someone who can help you by getting you and your brother to a place where you're both cared for and get your mom the help she needs.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: please help..is my mother abusing me? I don't know what to do.. - March 25th 2012, 04:14 PM

I'm really sorry you're having to go through this but it sounds like your mother might be ill. I think behavoiur like this suggests it greatly and this definately shows emotional and physical abuse. I think she should see a proffessional and like Cheye said, both yours and your brothers safety could be in danger so getting other people involved would be good. It doesn't mean that you won't still see her and they may not take you away from her, they only split children and parents in worst case scenarios where it might put you in danger, it just means that she will have some extra help.
I really hope things improve for you Xxx


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Re: please help..is my mother abusing me? I don't know what to do.. - March 25th 2012, 05:22 PM

Yes, she is abusing you, but if it helps, I think she has a reason. I'm not going to say it's an excuse, but it could explain the way she's acting. The things you've been describing (thinking there's a gas leak, cameras in the house etc) could be symptoms of a number of mental disorders. Adding in the fact that she's recently been through an upsetting experience, and I think it would be logical to presume she's ill. Here on TH, we're not doctors and can't diagnose anything. But I would definitely recommend getting her professional help. I know it'll be incredibly hard - you're scared they'll take you away, or your brother, or take her away. And you're right - they might. But it would only be temporary, and only until she gets the help she needs!
I'm sorry you've had to go through this. I really hope you find her some kind of professional or medical help. If she doesn't comply, try phoning the doctor yourself.
I hope things get better for you
~Kate
   
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Re: please help..is my mother abusing me? I don't know what to do.. - March 25th 2012, 05:33 PM

The issue here isn't what you call this...it's that it is clearly unhealthy, unusual (for her) and getting worse. So, regardless of what it technically might be called, you need some help.

I'd start by telling some trusted adult with a bit of authority who can intervene. Typically, that's another relative or some school official, like a guidance counselor. What your mom needs is some psychiatric help, not punishment. They will help her (and you) get that, so the underlying issue here..her being overwhelmed and out of control..can be properly addressed.

Go tell someone.


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Re: please help..is my mother abusing me? I don't know what to do.. - March 25th 2012, 05:56 PM

I have no doubt that this is abuse. NO parent should ever call their daughter a cunt - for ANY REASON. That's verbal/emotional abuse. The physical abuse is exactly that - physical abuse. I know it's hard to reach out, especially when you're scared, but you NEED to.
   
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Re: please help..is my mother abusing me? I don't know what to do.. - March 25th 2012, 06:40 PM

Hey there,

What's going on is not right nor is it fair to you. I'm really sorry that you're going through all of this.

Your mother clearly isn't in the right state of mind right now. I'm in no way saying that she shouldn't be held accountable for her actions, she should. I'm just saying that she needs help. It's important that you report this as soon as possible. She's physically and verbally abusing you. It's never easy to get help and report someone you love to the local authorities but if it keeps you safe, it has to be done.

Your little brother should not be your responsibility. Sure, he's your brother, but he's not your son. He's your mother's son. He's going to grow up and be confused and lost as to who's who and that's not fair to him.

Is it at all possible that you can take your little brother and stay at your grandparent's home? Maybe that'd be a little more stable and safe for you two right now. I'm sure that your grandparents would understand if you explained the situation to them and they'd be more than willing to help you.

If you don't think you can report your mom, the least you can do is talk to her about what she's doing. However, I seriously suggest reporting her so that she does get help for her problems that she's taking out on you.

This is not in any way your fault nor do you deserve it. You deserve a safe and happy home. So please, tell somebody who can help you. You don't need to be emancipated to get free.

Take care,
~Brittany
   
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