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I need to get past that part in my life but can't seem to. - March 27th 2012, 12:49 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

On October 15 2010 I was raped. I was at a friends house and was very drunk, the guy is someone I don't know, I don't know his name, his school, his face, all I can remember is his voice telling me some not so nice things. I was the worst rape victim ever, as soon as it was over and I before I could start to process things, I had left the house, went home and took a shower. The next day I called my boyfriend to come help me because I was hurting so much. He came over and I told him what had happened. I honestly tried to fight him off but I gave up half way through, I just wanted it to be done with and over. When he heard this he didn't get mad, or try to help me. He got discusded with me that I had let this happen to myself. I feel discusted with myself that I let this happen to me. He broke up with me and left me on my own. I didn't know what to do, all I know is that I felt so bad, I had this burning ball of shame inside me that was making my chest hurt so I took sleeping pills, hoping never to wake up. Needless to say it didn't work. For the last two years I had been using MDMA, Ketamine, pot and alcohol to try to feel better. The shame is consuming me and at this point I just want to sleep in deaths arms and embrace him like an old friend. I'm only 16 and was 14 when this happened. I'm at the point where I'm just not giving a fuck about anything. I can recognize I need help, but I come from a very conservative family who would disown me if they found out this had happened, and I just don't know what to do. I'm lost.

Last edited by Stargazed.; March 27th 2012 at 01:14 AM. Reason: Adding triggering prefix.
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Re: I need to get past that part in my life but can't seem to. - March 27th 2012, 01:31 AM

Hi there,

I'd just like to start off by saying I'm really sorry that you've gone through all of this.

This was in no way your fault. You didn't deserve to be raped by this person nor did you deserve to be shunned by your boyfriend. He was completely wrong for doing that and he should have been a lot more supportive. I can see how you'd be scared to tell anyone else about what's happened to you but I think you should. You are in clear need of support and if you keep going on like this, dwelling and feeling disgusted, you're not going to recover.

Taking alcohol, pills, and other drugs is not going to help you either. Finding a new and healthier coping mechanism is extremely important so that you can feel better and potentially save your life. Write a letter/poem/story/etc. about what happened to you. You can either give it to someone to read or you can shred/burn it. I see burning/shredding it as a way to let go of the trauma. Another idea is to distract your mind when you feel lost in thought and are thinking about the rape too much. Distractions include drawing, housework, music, comedy, schoolwork, photography, etc. It's something to look into, at least.

I know you're ashamed, I know it hurts, but I also know that you want help. If you didn't, you wouldn't have posted here looking for some kind of encouragement, right? Surrounding yourself with supportive people is key, here. I know it's been over two years since this has happened but it seems as it's still fresh in your mind. So please, talk to someone. It's great that you reached out to us here but someone who can hold you while you express yourself is quite important, too. Even if it's not a family member, you can talk to a friend, another trusted adult, a school counselour, or a doctor. It's just important that you heal from this and I hope that you do. You deserve to feel safe again. <3

If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always around. Just shoot me a PM and I'll reply as soon as I possibly can. In the meantime, please take care of yourself and know that there are people available to help you.

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Re: I need to get past that part in my life but can't seem to. - March 28th 2012, 08:58 PM

Hey Hun I'm a victim of sexual assault please stay strong and if you need someone to talk to I'm here

Darlin' don't leave me out here in the cold
I'm begging you baby don't leave me out here on my own I'll die, If you don't hold me tight Tonight, I couldn't make it outside If I tried, So please let me in lover,
Be kind ♥
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Re: I need to get past that part in my life but can't seem to. - March 29th 2012, 02:41 AM

i was the same age when i was raped and molested. but i've managed to get past it. if you need someone to talk to, just pm me.
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