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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
i_dont_like_me Offline
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am i just overreacting??? - April 3rd 2012, 12:18 AM

I've been wondering for years if you would call this abuse or not...but i dont want to label it something its not...

when i was little my parents worked all the time. so me and my brother were left home alone. i think from the time i was 5 till i was 12...or something like that im not even really sure. but during summers me and my brother would be left home alone for 12 to 14 hrs a day. he was 5 years older than me, so he was essentially my care giver. but he was so mean. i just needed more attention than he could give me. it was like my parents were making him my dad. no kid should be a dad at 12 years old. he used to throw me against walls, and cuss me out. i have a few memories of him chocking me so bad i could almost feel my throat start to close. he would shove his dirty socks in my mouth and pin me down so i couldn't move. he would scream in my face, and beat me up. he would hold me upside down my my feet till my face turned purple and then blue. he would pin me down and tickle me till i cried. this happened everyday for years, not all of them happened everyday, but at least one. this when on for years. he would always threaten me not to tell our mom. the few times i did he just lashed out at me more when they were off to work the next day. i remember being really lonely and sitting on the couch for hours on end watching day time tv, i would space out and not even follow what was going on. sometimes, i would be sitting staring at the tv when it wasnt even on and not relies it until my brother would come in and start playing the piano.

i remember one time specifically well, he had just thrown me into a wall and i was crying so hard. i ran to my room shut the door and sat on my bed balling. a few minutes later he comes in all apologetic and nice. telling me how sorry he is. then my dad came home. so i had to jump in the shower to hide my tears from my dad. i needed time to collect my thoughts. when i got out and was dressed he apologized again. he told me that the way he treated me scared him, and he was afraid he would be abusive to his wife and kids. i didnt really know what to say.

i relationship has since gotten better, we have sort of bonded over hating our parents for never being around. i think he resents having to be my dad when we were kids.

what really bothers me is that i have told my mom about what used to happen, and she either doesn't seem to care, or blames me for it. i get that i needed more attention than i was given, but i dont think that warrants daily beatings.

would that be considered abuse and neglect?? I dont want to make it seem like its a bigger deal than it is, but at the same time, its a big deal to me...


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Re: am i just overreacting??? - April 3rd 2012, 09:28 PM

Hi Logan,
what you just described is in fact abuse. Most siblings are physically abusive to each other but sometimes it is taken to a higher extent, which is what happened with you. You're brother obviously had issues but if your relationship is better it's your decision if you want to bring this up and take a chance of not being as close


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Re: am i just overreacting??? - April 3rd 2012, 10:56 PM

Logan, I agree that what you decide to call this isn't really relevant, those are just words. What IS relevant (and apparent) is that whatever you want to call this, it hurt a lot and was clearly beyond 'Normal' (i.e. typical). This isn't sibling rivalry or just childhood stuff, it's really disturbed behavior, your brother clearly was overwhelmed and out of control.

I'm glad it's better now, and you have the perspective to understand (quite accurately, I might add) where all that came from and why he was like that. The understanding part doesn't change it, of course, but it helps. if only so you have a sense of control and with it, feel less vulnerable as you have relationships as an adult.

Also, it's not at all unexpected that the perpetrator of this..your mom!...wouldn't now understand or see how her bad judgement (of giving the awesome responsibility to care for a young child to, essentially another young child) could have harmed you, or your brother. That's not the point, of course, for her to see that..only yours. That way, yo';ll know what's appropriate to expect from your own kids.


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Re: am i just overreacting??? - April 6th 2012, 06:55 PM

Hi there,

The above posters are correct.

Sibling abuse is quite common but that doesn't mean it's not important or that you're overreacting. What your brother did to you is traumatizing and wrong. I'm unsure of whether or not you've talked to anyone about this. I know you'd mentioned that you told your mother but she didn't say anything more about it. Perhaps get into some sort of therapy to start talking about what your brother did to you? Also, your mother should be aware that this had happened because of her neglect. They are both perpetrators here and you deserve some sort of closure.

I'm glad that you and your brother have a different relationship now; however, that doesn't block out the memories that he's caused you to struggle with. Has he ever apologized?

I know it's difficult to deal with abuse, even years later, but you there are tons of resources available to help you cope better. Therapy, support groups, TeenHelp, and even less interactive things like writing and music. It's all about moving past it and I hope that you are able to do that.

Take care.
   
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