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Mental Health Use this forum to share your mental health concerns and to seek advice.

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SecretSymphony Offline
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Unhappy I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - May 31st 2012, 08:40 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Before I begin, Yes, I know it's wrong of me to WANT any of these things. I know. That's why I feel bad for feeling this way.

So for a while I have been wanting something mentally wrong with me. When I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, I got some kind of twisted happiness from it. I guess it might have something to do with the attention, I dont know. Cuz I already get enough attention. Ive also wished I was a SHer and that I would go into inpatient at some point.

The only thing I can think of is that Ive always been fascinated by things like mental illness, and that maybe I'm just really curious as to what it's like to go through these different things, and that I don't necessarily WANT them.

I feel like such a horrible, cruel person for feeling this way. I can't take it.

What do you guys think?
   
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Re: I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - May 31st 2012, 09:03 PM

As someone who has a mental illness and has SHed I don't understand why anyone would want to go through them, but I'm not going to tell you that your feelings are wrong. I think you're the only one who can know why you feel this way. I've often been curious what treatment would be like, but I think it's because I actually have a disorder and would probably benefit from it. It's not wrong to be curious, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. My depression is like my own brain constantly beating me up, but everyone is different.


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Re: I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - May 31st 2012, 09:09 PM

Your not alone, I can totally relate. I often feel really jealous of people who actually have a mental illness, and when someone jokingly accuses me of being mentally ill, I get a strange twisted happiness. When I started SHing, I felt really proud of my self. Like I was part of a secret group or something.

Just because you have thoughts like this doesn't mean your a horrible person. Your not hurting anyone, so your not cruel either. I've had this sort of feeling a long time, and I still have no idea why I think like this. But if it has gotten you to the point where you can't take it, you may want to consider seeing a professional about it.

Good luck
   
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Re: I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - June 1st 2012, 05:57 AM

Its not fun taking meds for it }: I have always wanted to be in in patient too to see what it was like. That actually came true once.

I think you want a mental illness because every one else has one and you want to be included in. If you have a mental illness you most likely will take meds for it. Theres no joy in taking meds trust me and I think meds mess you up in the long run because when your ready to get off them it will be really hard.

No your not a horrible person.Just be thankful for your health and what you do have.
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Re: I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - June 3rd 2012, 07:23 PM

Welcome to TeenHelp! =)

You're not a horrible or cruel person for wanting a mental illness. There are many people who feel similarly at some point in their life, and I'll throw out a few ideas for you to consider.

1. You already touched on the idea of receiving attention. Some people crave attention, and they do some pretty strange or unhealthy things to get that attention. You're just thinking about having a mental illness, but some people will fake being sick (physically or mentally) in order to get that attention. Other people will intentionally harm themselves in order to get that attention, too.

If you feel this idea is best suited to your situation, I urge you to think about what's lacking in your life. When people crave attention, it may be because they've been neglected, or they merely feel as if they're not important to the people around them. I can assure you that there are healthier ways to receive love from others and feel better about yourself than wanting a mental illness or entertaining the idea of self-harming.

2. Some people feel they can't cope with life's problems, so they want to have a "crutch" or an "excuse" for their inability and/or unwillingness to cope. This is a tricky area to explore, because some people can't cope with life's problems very well DUE TO their mental illnesses, while other people only FEEL they can't cope with life's problems. It's impossible for us to judge people and say who's who, but there are certainly "healthy" people out there who tend to run away from life's problems and CHOOSE to not cope with them in any other way - well, except for seeking a diagnosis of a mental illness in order to "explain" their unwillingness to cope. There are people who feel they shouldn't be depressed or anxious - EVER - and so they want to "explain" away their NORMAL feelings with a mental illness. Basically, people want to know why it's not easy to overcome life's problems, and sometimes, people actually want a mental illness, because it may seem like an "easy" answer. Unfortunately, as you have discovered from other members' responses, having a mental illness is not an "easy" answer at all. Going to therapy and taking medication can be incredibly difficult.

If you feel this idea is best suited to your situation, I urge you think about the struggles you are currently enduring, and how you can learn to cope with the difficult issues you may be facing. When someone is fighting with their parents all the time, they may be tempted to run away from home. That's not a good solution to the problem, though - instead, it would be better for them to improve communication with their parents, to get other adults involved (as needed), etc. Just as running away from home wouldn't be a good solution, wanting a mental illness or deliberately hurting yourself wouldn't be a good solution, either. Think about what you could do in order to cope more effectively, such as talking to family/friends, seeking therapy, finding resources in your community, etc.

3. I think many people are simply curious about what it would feel like to be "crazy." Maybe the idea of being manic or having hallucinations is appealing to them. Maybe they wonder if life would be easier if they could just check themselves into a psychiatric hospital or in-patient treatment center. It's certainly not bad to be curious, but problems can arise when 1) you begin to actually put yourself in situations where your fantasies may become reality, and 2) your curiosity leads you to become insensitive to other people's real struggles.

If you feel this idea is best suited to your situation, I urge you to think about the pros and cons for having a mental illness, self-harming, being hospitalized, etc. Have a reality check, and I think you'll quickly find that, while some of the pros and still appealing, the cons are enough to discourage you from ever really following through with any of these desires. It should also help you empathize with those who really do struggle with mental illness and self-harm (I'm sure you already do empathize, but this should open your eyes in an entirely new way).





   
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Re: I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - June 4th 2012, 05:23 AM

You are not a horrible person for feeling this way. At all. Don't think that. Maybe it is because of attention, but only you truly know why. You might not even know that you know why. I would suggest talking to somebody in your family about it. If you don't want to do that, then thats okay because honestly, its not a big horrible thing about you that needs fixing. Sometimes people wish for things like this so that it could be an escape from everything. I used to wish for something that was bad, but when it came true I was crushed and it was horrible. So think honestly to yourself about what you are wishing for. Look up stories about people who have had it and just think.
   
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Re: I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - June 5th 2012, 02:03 AM

I think once you have experienced inpatient you will wish you never did and NEVER want to go back again...trust me.


Whatever it is, chances are I've been there.
If I can make it out, you can too.
   
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Re: I'm a horrible person for feeling this way, aren't I? - June 5th 2012, 02:42 AM

The hospital I went to for in patient was not a bad place at all it was pretty nice. BUt all inpatients are diffrent so some could be horrible like whisper said.
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