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i_like_black Offline
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Stuff, like. - June 5th 2012, 04:11 AM

So, here's the thing.

I've been experiencing some of what we call my "early warning" thingies for about a fortnight now, maybe a bit longer. It's at the stage where this could go either way still. I'm a little concerned.

So, I haven't been sleeping very well. I also haven't been very tired. (Although I have been spending a lot of time in bed, but that's mostly because of a genuine lack of anything else to do - I only have part-time work and I'm not studying, so I have to find ways to entertain myself.) I wake up a lot through the night and take usually 1 - 2 hours to fall asleep in the first place. And then I frequently sleep very lightly, lightly enough that it's hard to differentiate between being awake and being asleep. I am still sleeping though, at this point.

I have a lot of ideas. Most of which aren't being put into practise but I have plans to put them into practise. Mostly it's just getting stuff done, starting new projects, finishing old ones, cleaning - I get a thing for keeping my bedroom really clean. No mean feat as it's quite small. And full of furniture. But I clean more.

I find stuff funny more. According to my family, sometimes inappropriate things. Case in point would be a news item from last night. Dunno why, just struck me as hilarious. Then nobody else was laughing and it was like, wtf . . . ?

Those are the big things. I mean, I'm becoming more active in my job search, but that had to happen eventually and I have people helping me with that, so I'm not attributing it to any mood issues. A job would be really nice at this point, give me something to do, somewhere to go, put some cash in my pocket - you know, normal shit.

But I can't ignore certain things. Like my desire to be stoned (marijuana) has increased perhaps tenfold over the past couple of weeks. And not purely to be stoned, but because if I set up before partaking, then I can get a good long stint of fair amazing work done after partaking.
And my opinion of myself is steadily rising. I mean I can tell you any time that I'm a talented musician and artist, but often I don't do anything about it, and at the moment, I am.
And then there's the log that I carried home for firewood and sawed up. I felt so awesome for carrying that home.

But thing is, I'm not worried about how I am at the moment, because it's fairly clear to me that I'm going UP. What I'm worried about is what happens after. And what I can do to prevent what seems like the inevitable.

So if anyone has any suggestions of how to allow yourself to go up without the corresponding going back down, shoot em this way. I want to know.

PS. don't say shit about talking to therapists, I'm not taking this one down that road, they'll just put me on meds and potentially kill what may be a good buzz.
   
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Re: Stuff, like. - June 5th 2012, 04:35 AM

This doesnt sound like you need to be on meds at all. Sounds normal to me.

I sleep a lot too and for the same reason nothing to do. I sleep to about 2 in the afternoon sometimes. It takes me forever to fall asleep too. Dont we all have plans completly normal. What you find funny is just part of who you are your personality. Yes a job is nice and haveing money is nice too.

Drugs are bad and if you take them they can damage some of your brain cells causing you more problems like depression and other things. There also highley addictive and shorten your life. So I would try to stay away from all drugs.

I hope you find a job soon I know its hard to fine one and then hard to get hired takes a long time sometimes but I wish you luck. Well life is not perfect so you cant always be happy.
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Re: Stuff, like. - June 5th 2012, 07:44 AM

I would say now is the time to work on a crisis plan, if you don't already have one. Maybe write down a daily schedule for yourself for when you feel bad to help you keep active and stop you from spending too much time dwelling on the negative feelings. Try and keep active during the day at the moment as it might help improve your sleep. I strongly suggest staying away from marijuana as it can affect your mood. Keep as active as possible at the moment with positive things and plan more positive things. Remember to keep yourself physically healthy (eating right, taking care of any illnesses etc) as it's easy to forget when you're feeling good and it can cause a drop in your mood.

Hope some of this helps. Take care
   
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Re: Stuff, like. - June 5th 2012, 08:49 AM

I have a crisis plan, myself and the mental health system just happen to have differing interpretations of the word "crisis".

So far as keeping active goes, I'm coaching and doing houseworky stuff, I just don't have a job during the day, so that leaves me free to paint, draw, play games, whatever. The not getting out of bed is purely a motivation thing, I'm not depressed. Or, I don't feel depressed, which is why I think I'm going up.

Sleep is moot, it's regularly terrible, it's just when it's noticeably worse it generally means my mood is changing. I've been on medication for it frequently in the past. And have no desire to take medication for it, because although I'm not sleeping well, I'm also not tired.

And the main thing is, I just want to prolong the good feelings and forgo the bad ones. I'm sure there's a non-medication way to do it, I just want to find out what it is, because I don't want to crash in a month or so, nobody wants that.
   
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Re: Stuff, like. - June 7th 2012, 01:50 AM

Just for clarification's sake, what have you been diagnosed with, if anything? It sounds like you're talking about bipolar disorder and an approaching manic phase, but I want to be sure before responding to this thread.





   
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Re: Stuff, like. - June 7th 2012, 08:25 AM

My diagnosis is currently Bipolar II, executive functioning difficulties and borderline traits. Yupyup.
   
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