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Angry Anger issues (not sure if this is the right catagory) - June 10th 2012, 11:55 AM

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Hi. I'm not sure if this is in the right catagory or not so sorry if it isn't. Thanks if you take the time to read this.

I just simply can't help it. I get so worked up and angry... And violent. I'm irritable and get ticked off easy. When I try to calm myself down, I just get even worse. I'm becoming rude and picking fights. I used to be so polite and so shy... The only thing that releases my anger is hurting things. I've tried punching my pillow, it just frustrates me more because its too soft to release any anger. I've tried things like walls and books, it just frustrates me more because it hurts. I've tried hitting stress-balls, which ALSO frustrates me more because they're too small (squeezing them does nothing). It's as if the only thing that satisfies my anger is hurting others or myself. I've made 2 bullies at school bleed just from my nails, kicked 2 in the you-know-whats (they are boys), kicked 3 or 4 in the shin, and hit quite a few. I also kicked and hit my friend when he was aggrovating me. I punch and cut myself too. I've tried simply not doing anything, but the longer I wait the more angry I get.

There's another problem; I'm quite strong. I'm stronger than all my friends that are girls and a couple friends that are boys. There are only 1 or 2 people I'm scared to get in a fight with. Once I accidently made my best friend cry on the playground at school by punching her shoulder when she pinched me (I swear I meant it to be light). When she calmed down she said it was fine and that I don't know my strength, but I still felt guilty for the rest of the day.

It's so so easy to aggrovate me. It just takes something like calling me a name I don't like or telling me to do something I don't wanna do. I've tried everything I can think of but nothing works. Eventually, I'm gonna snap at one of the cowards who bully me (the ones who tell on me when I get angry) and then I'll get in biiig trouble. The teachers don't understand how hard it is!!

I've been bullied my whole life, when I was little I cried, then for the last few years I did nothing, then recently I've been giving them smart remarks, and here lately... Well you get it.

Please help!
   
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Re: Anger issues (not sure if this is the right catagory) - June 10th 2012, 12:37 PM

Hey Alana,

I actually went through a similar thing - was bullied as a child, was passive for a few years, and then became a bully.

It took me a while to realise that I was bullying people, and the effect it was having on them, but once it clicked, I actively wanted to stop. For me, part of it was understanding just how much I was hurting the people. I remembered what it felt like to be bullied, and then it was like, "oh god, is this what I'm doing to them?".

I also am much stronger than the majority of my peers. Some of us are just built that way.

The main thing is, you need to find healthy ways to channel your anger. I actually enjoy being strong, so I took up weight lifting. Running also helped me a whole heap, and cycling. Basically anything where I could go as hard as I wanted for as long as I wanted was beneficial - anger is an emotion of such energy, if you can't use the energy, you just end up frustrated and in a worse state.

Do you know about breathing exercises? If you feel yourself starting to get irritated, you can do things like concentrate on taking slow breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth, or you can count your breaths, or you can see how few you can take in a minute. (My record for slowness is three breaths, once in, once out, once in again - this isn't *holding* your breath, it's just controlling your respiration rate.)

Also, there's martial arts, which will not only give you an outlet and an opportunity to fight, but help you to learn self-control - and if you can manage to turn your anger into passion, (they're closely related, believe it or not), then you're pretty much a guaranteed winner at something. And winning boosts your self-esteem, which lessens your need to prove yourself physically.

And finally, have you talked to your parents or seen a school counselor about this? A drastic change in your reactions or your perception of your personality sometimes has an underlying cause, and if that's the case for you and you can figure out what the underlying cause is, then you can fix it

Last, last piece of advice: boxing bag. No gloves. Get a decent weight one. Kick and punch the CRAP out of that mother, your hands will hurt, your feet will hurt, you won't hurt anybody else, and you basically go until you're so exhausted that you're falling over. And by the time you're that exhausted, you may have worked off your anger
   
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