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serendipity2014 Offline
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self esteem contradiction - July 3rd 2012, 07:14 PM

Hi all,
i just wanted to first say thanks if you're reading this. i've been dealing with low self-esteem, underlying anxiety and ocd. the anxiety and ocd i mostly have under control now. i cried yesterday because i had a headache and this painful feeling all around, and i really wanted to be hugged or cuddled. i tried hugging my dog but it didn't really help. i was worried that not being hugged (ive had maybe 10 hugs in my lifetime) would not allow me to grow as much mentally and maturity-wise as i can. this is based on this thing i read about experiments where they had two test groups of monkeys, one which had affection from the parents, but less food and water, and the other group which had all the food an water they needed, but no affection, and it turned out that the first group did much better and turned out healthier than the second group, which turned out to have problems later on.
but then i was just thinking, i think it has to do with feeling loved. It seems like sometimes Iím unsure if im loved, so I go looking for proof of it, and if it doesnít materialize in front of me, then I assume that im not loved, and that hurts. But I am loved. I am given food, clothes, shelter, money for college by my parents, which signifies love. They donít do physical love, but thatís o.k. theyíve got their own problems too, theyíre not perfect. Sometimes they need someone to take care of them too. One good way to avoid that feeling of hurt when you feel unloved is to realize that sometimes other people just canít love you, that itís not their fault, that theyíve got problems too, and that maybe they need some love. So you cannot depend on other people to love you, they just canít sometimes. They have problems. And there are definitely other people who are much worse off than you are.
the contradiction comes with the thought that i'm worthy/deserving of love. we all are. i recently became sure of this. i think it's a good step in the self-esteem department. so i know i deserve of love, but the analysis in the above paragraph shows that you can't always get love, which is o.k. because that's just the way things are. i'm just hoping someone wiser and who has been through this and learned from it comes across this and can help. thanks. and feel free to ask any questions, i'm on th alot. thanks again.
   
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Re: self esteem contradiction - July 3rd 2012, 07:59 PM

i'm glad someone discovered that people jsut can't do things because they have problems too. i completely agree with that end part where you mentioned how even if we deserve love, we can't always get it. it is important to know that we deserve it. a lot of it. and that maybe if we cannot receive love then we can help giving it to those who barely get it. if they dont want it (which they do) do it anyway.
   
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Re: self esteem contradiction - July 6th 2012, 07:10 PM

It seems to me that you've got more wisdom than you give yourself credit for. I would add that giving love to other people is often just as (for lack of a better word) good as if they were giving you love. In short, giving is just as good as recieving. I would go a step further and say that giving is one of the gateways to recieving love, at least it has been that way in my life.

It seems to me that one of the more valuable things experience (and wisdom gained with experience) gives you is the ability to see other peoples' love. Not only their love, but the lack of it as well, and their hurts. Knowing is the first step to understanding, and understanding almost always begets empathy in my experience.


Stare not into the abyss, for the abyss stares also into you.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Eloquence that does not startle, I do not consider eloquence ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero
   
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