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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Stiena Offline
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I hate everything - July 24th 2012, 09:43 PM

The amount of injustice I've been dealt in my life should be enough to prove to anyone that the concept of fair is a human-created lie. Even if we ignore all the bullshit that I happened to have been put through as an innocent child, but focus on when things started to go to shit even faster, when I was around 11, it's still plainly obvious. I was a good person with a good heart; I shared without selfishness to those who were totally undeserving and held tight to my faith.. up until I began losing everything that I loved. Up until the ones I held dearest began to betray me. Up until all that could be taken from me was taken without justification. That's when I started to hate... if you hate everyone and everything, you have not a damn thing to lose except for the things that already make your life a living hell, but hell isn't something I'm not familiar with after a life time of it, is it now? I don't want to hear the same crappy advice I could easily come up with. I already got a damn shrink that hasn't done one shit for me in two years. Who do you think you're talking to when you're talking to someone with the attitude of a 60 year old with no patience?
As if you'll have the common courtesy to actually take that into account.. everyone thinks they're so damn smart because they have a grade to show it because we all want power... Us greedy bitching bastards. I hate society and the idea of working for a shit piece of paper. To hell with your pieces of paper that says you're of value. I have my own meanings of value. To hell with your social classes and ideas of pitching your opinion as a fact. To hell with all of it. I'm sick of it all. I'm just sick.


I am not alone- not beaten down just yet.. I am not afraid of the voices in my head. Down the darkest road, something follows me! I am not alone.. 'Cause misery loves my company!
   
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Re: I hate everything - July 25th 2012, 02:33 AM

Hello. My name is Molly.

A lot of the time, when people take on strong emotional projections such as hate they are simply attempting to shield themselves from something they do not want to actually deal with. This impulse can inject people with a greater sense of control/power because the more vulnerable emotions are temporarily relieved to take a back seat (it's one of the brains methods of surviving undo stress --- and it seems like you have had your fair share of stress in your life).

But there is a price for choosing to mask these underlying issues. Hate, in this instance, is just a facade and it actually holds no real power at all to improve your health. In fact, after it leaves (and it does leave fast) all that remains is just an emotional hangover that can lead you into depression. Hate is a temporary relief rather than a long term solution and taken in excess it will cause you more damage than benefit. You might call it the "sugar high" of the emotional world. It gets you going and excited really fast, but it will leave you behind just as fast and make you crash.

Like it or not, if you are genuinely wanting to improve your mind's health you will eventually need to begin to let go of your reliance on that impulse (in this instance, hate) so that you can deal with the actual underlying cause for your dismay. I am not going to pretend to know what your underlying issue is, because I do not feel qualified to make that guess based on the vagueness of what you provided in your post (this is not an insult, by the way --- I appreciate a person's privacy in what they choose to share and not share --- but please recognize that it substantially limits my ability to offer sound advice).

Also, dealing with these underlying issues will likely be a painful experience for you so you should be prepared for that. But unlike hate, which leaves you weak in the end, dealing with a powerful emotion head-on has the potential to actually benefit you and make you healthier.

As always, I only offer this advice because you asked.

I do wish you luck in wherever you go from here.
   
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Re: I hate everything - July 28th 2012, 02:26 AM

Not to be a dick however, you really should tone down the anger when posting here, we're only here to help and when you lash out you're even less likely to receive assistance. I used to harbor feelings far beyond the simple hate you're experiencing. When the doctors wasted thousands upon thousands of dollars verifying nothing of my fathers condition, only to follow with basically saying "good luck" I was sent into fits of rage during the nights. I would purposely walk around at night simply looking for some poor soul to beat sense into if he happened to confront me. Then the audacity of my own actions began to hit me. You and I are blessed with a home no? Continuous supplies of food, money, etc. There are endless amounts of people in far worse situations. Going around San Diego, you could barely walk a mile without passing several homeless. They literally have not one thing to live for and yet continue through each day with hope. Once you finally allow yourself to see how petty your view is on life, things will improve dramatically. The key in this matter is your own willingness, I cannot, nor can any therapist force you to improve. If that is not what you want then I wish you luck in the rest of what is guaranteed to be a hellish, self-destructive life. This may have come across as harsh, sometimes there are just no other ways to put things and I apologize.


False hope is no better than dire truth.
   
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Re: I hate everything - July 28th 2012, 03:14 PM

I thought we were encouraged to express ourselves... even if our opinions are unpopular (which is nothing new, nor something I give two cares about). Don't try to tell me I don't know what true hatred is. I'm very aware that what I experience is a hate beyond the average "uncomfortable" feeling of dislike. Blessed? This is no home. This is a prison cell. And at least convicted prisoners get round meals every day, time to be social, medical assistance, and basic needs met. I have no way of getting a job to pay for anything either. The nearest town is 20 minutes away in a car, and there's not very many jobs immediately available. I'm aware of the real world. I'm not in some delusion that everything is easy street. As far as the whole being in hell thing, I can generally prove that it has nothing to do with attitude. I kept a good attitude even though I lost everything, but it didn't change anything. Things continued going to hell, and eventually people get tired of being screwed over. So I can attest that it has nothing to do with me.


I am not alone- not beaten down just yet.. I am not afraid of the voices in my head. Down the darkest road, something follows me! I am not alone.. 'Cause misery loves my company!
   
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Re: I hate everything - July 28th 2012, 04:49 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stiena View Post
I thought we were encouraged to express ourselves... even if our opinions are unpopular (which is nothing new, nor something I give two cares about). Don't try to tell me I don't know what true hatred is. I'm very aware that what I experience is a hate beyond the average "uncomfortable" feeling of dislike. Blessed? This is no home. This is a prison cell. And at least convicted prisoners get round meals every day, time to be social, medical assistance, and basic needs met. I have no way of getting a job to pay for anything either. The nearest town is 20 minutes away in a car, and there's not very many jobs immediately available. I'm aware of the real world. I'm not in some delusion that everything is easy street. As far as the whole being in hell thing, I can generally prove that it has nothing to do with attitude. I kept a good attitude even though I lost everything, but it didn't change anything. Things continued going to hell, and eventually people get tired of being screwed over. So I can attest that it has nothing to do with me.
As unfortunate as it is, I think you're completely right and I agree with everything you've written. I look out at the world and see how much injustice and unfairness there is, seemingly everywhere, and it can become very discouraging at times. Many people are greedy, shallow, and self-centered and continually put their own feelings and their own happiness above that of others. For some reason it seems like it's especially bad here in America, everyone is always in a hurry to get their instant gratification and are more than willing to trample over others to get it. "Someone else is sick? They should've exercised more. Someone is poor? They should've worked harder. Someone is in jail? They're definitely guilty without a doubt." People don't care if something bad happens to someone else that they don't know, and only begin caring if it affects them personally. That's a mindset that I encounter almost every day and I'm very tired of it.
   
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