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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Dark-and-Twisty Offline
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Name: Nicole
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Thoughts! - August 13th 2012, 01:47 AM

Note: I don't really know where this belongs, so if it needs to be moved, please move it to its appropriate forum.

Do you ever catch yourself wondering what to think about when you're alone? Obviously, we all think, and often times we can't control our thoughts. We think, well, what we think. Well, lately I've caught myself wondering what the heck to think about? I like to daydream and ponder, I've always thought about the future and whatnot. However, over the last year or so I've been stuck on one thought: my best friend. I've caught myself fantasizing about him on so many occasions, and it came down to he was ALL I thought about.

I've thought plenty about this, and I know it's time I move on. I can't have him, he has a girlfriend, and we never will be together. I don't want to think about him anymore. So I think, what did I think about before I became obsessed with him? Welllll, I went through a phase where I was obsessed with diet and exercise shortly my obsession with him started. I'd love to get back into that again, but I don't want to make it my every thought!

Then I used to spend all day plotting stories, and that was fun, but lately I just haven't had any good plot bunnies, so there's not much to think about there.

When I was a kid, I always used to think about my future family. I'd imagine my future husband, my future kids, my future wedding, and I still think about this. However, in all my "dreams" I always pictured myself falling in love in college and getting married around 21/22. Well, I'm in my last year in college, and well, I fell in love, but not with someone who loves me like that back! So, obviously, I realize that it's very unlikely that I'll meet my future husband (providing I even HAVE a future husband), and it's very unlikely that I'll be married by 22 with kids by 24. Nonetheless, I feel like it's a waste to spend time thinking about the unknown. If I make myself "deadline" to get married or have kids, then I'll only be disappointing myself. I mean, the last thing I want to be is 30 and single, but that's kind of out of my control. I can't control when or if I meet "the one." So why think about what I can't control??

Then recently, all I've thought about is sex! Of course, it would be a lot more fun to think about if I had someone to have sex with, but I KNOW that sex isn't the most important factor in a relationship, so I'm not going to go out seeking a relationship just so I can have sex (or a friend-with-benefits, whatever you want to call them).

You might think I'm crazy. Here I am, thinking about what to think about! Yes, definitely crazy. Have you ever been in this situation? What do I do?

I truly want to find myself before I start dating anyone again. I made some bad mistakes last summer out of desperation and loneliness. I don't want to do that again. I've heard in order to "find yourself" you need to spend with yourself. Well, when I'm alone that's when think the most, and if I don't know what to think about, how the heck am I supposed to find myself?

"You say you're all dark and twisty. It's not a flaw, it's a strength. It makes you who you are."

~ Derek, Grey's Anatomy
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MikeG Offline
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Re: Thoughts! - August 13th 2012, 12:54 PM

To find yourself you need to actually talk to yourself. It's pretty easy to do it. Isolate yourself, make sure no one is at home and then just talk to yourself or write on a journal. Ask yourself questions like "Why am I like this?" or "Why do I want this?". By asking them your brain will automatically try to come up with answers and that's the whole process of being finding one's true self. Normally we have so many external distractions that we don't have the time or patience to actually find out what we really want.

I don't suggest making deadlines unless you are aware of the emotional outcome of the non-realization. Personally, I set deadlines for everything, because I know if I "fail", I'm going to learn how to not do it and in the end I'm just narrowing the path to actually getting what I want. Most people though tend to feel depressed when they miss their deadlines and that's reasonable, but wrong. Getting depressed will only lower your self esteem. In your case, you dreamt about being married by the age of 22 and now you're doubting ever getting married. Kinda destructive thoughts, aren't they?

Finding yourself is extremely easy, you just need time to be honest. Oh and you can't quit after like 5 minutes. It's fun to actually know why you do certain things.
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