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AlexQuinn Offline
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Self Esteem and Other Problems - Please Help - August 31st 2012, 06:24 AM

Well, here I am again. *To save time and effort, the background for this thread is on a previous thread that can be found here: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f14-m...esteem-issues/

Basically, my best friend is still having a really tough time. *Its not like she's been constantly miserable since I last posted. *There's been lots of good times, but she's obviously still struggling with some pretty big problems.**

For reasons that I completely do not understand, she's chosen a workload that not even the most dedicated of nerd students would do, plus more sports and outside activities than I can remember. *If you read the previous thread, she has some major self esteem issues. *If I had to guess, I'd say she's doing all of this stuff to compensate for that feeling, but at the same time she seems to be completely in denial about that, and won't even consider dropping a class or doing something less to make her life manageable again.

Also, she seems like she's absolutely convinced that most of the people she knows hates her, that her life completely sucks. *That other people get to do pretty much whatever an have fun. *This leads into the meltdown we had today. *Since tomorrow is Friday one of my other friends and I were planning on having a little game party thing. *So when I tell her that it is Friday she basically flips out because she can't go, disregarding the fact that she can't go because she's chosen to do all of these crazy things. *The only thing is, she's flaming mad at ME for having the party thing on Friday, despite the fact that I'm busy this weekend and couldn't have it any other time. *She blames me for making her life worse I think. *I think she blames everybody for that at some point or another.

The crux of this issue is not so much this particular problem today. *She's my best friend in the world, I'm trying to not sound like I'm complaining, because I'm really not. *I just wanted to give some background before I ask if anyone can help me figure out what to do in this situation. It absolutely kills me to see her in such a miserable state, and what with all the work she's given herself this year, I don't know how she's ever going to get some relief from this.

Again, if I had to guess I'd say that she knows somewhere in her heart that I would never do anything to willingly hurt her. *And that's true, I would never do something to hurt one of the people I care most about. *But regardless of how much I hate myself for doing it or wrack my mind for another solution, whatever I seem to say when she gets in those moods of self hatred and thinking that the world is against her always seems to backfire. *I just don't know what to do, and I really really need some more help here. *It's just so painful watching, and especially causing some of this to happen.

Today, she stopped talking to me after saying some pretty hurtful things when I tried to reason with her and help her feel better. *There's been too many afternoons like that. *As I said before, I doubt she believes all of what she says, but the fact remains its hurtful, and kind of heartbreaking to have my best friend lash out like that, especially since I know that some of it at least is caused by her own internal pain. *I really really would appreciate any and all help or comments. *I just can't stand this anymore and I don't know what to do.

Stare not into the abyss, for the abyss stares also into you.

Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero

Eloquence that does not startle, I do not consider eloquence ~ Marcus Tullius Cicero
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Re: Self Esteem and Other Problems - Please Help - September 2nd 2012, 06:07 PM

The first thing I want to say is that, even if she's lashing out at you, it isn't your fault, you're just the one standing there and willing to take it. When people get in states like this they aren't themselves and they may say and do things that they wouldn't normally do. The fact that you scheduled the party at a time that worked for you and not for her doesn't mean that her reaction is your fault. She is in control of how she reacts to things, including whether or not she chooses to speak to you or not. It all seems to be coming from the inside out.

When she's calm, try sitting her down and telling her that you are concerned because of the amount of work she has and that she doesn't seem like herself and see how she takes it. It might not be a bad idea to bring it up with an adult you and/or she trusts.

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