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paranoidandroid Offline
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Question Borderline Personality Disorder? - September 28th 2012, 12:12 PM

Hayy all

A handful of close friends have suggested over this year, last year and the previous year that I may be suffering from PBD. I always just passed it off as me being very insecure and overly emotional as I suffer from depression.
More recently I've become aware that my actions aren't really typical and I was wondering how I could know for sure?

My emotions flick so quickly from me being on top of the world, confident etc to just suicidal despair and self harm. I have never been in one single monogamous relationship (one day I'll be madly in love with my boyfriend... the next he will do one thing to make me feel insecure or undermine my security like, emotionally abandon me in the slightest respect and I HAVE to cheat or flirt, it's like a compulsion and I don't realise I've done it until after). I don't like it, I don't know why I do it... but I've had 3 'proper' boyfriends in my 20 years and I've ever stayed completely true to one of them even though at times it honestly feels as though I love them... I manipulate them all to get my own way and to get them to say what I want to hear...
My impulsive behaviour, heavy drug use, and alcohol abuse has got me into massive trouble on more than one occasion.

I don't know... My actions are really beginning to take a toll on me. I'm not sure how to control this all or work out who I am... I don't feel like I know me. thanks for all your help though guys, I love you all
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder? - September 28th 2012, 10:32 PM

Some of what you said applies to me. Over like the past 6 months to a year I have found out about bpd and a lot of what I do and my emotions and thinking etc is bpd behaviour. Before I thought it wad depression/bipolar/things like that but I was always missing some of the criteria, but as soon as I found out about bpd it was like 'things finally make sense!!!' Like you, some days I will be so madly in love with my boyfriend that I want to scream and cry and laugh and not stop kissing him, and when I'm in a mood like that I will be very impulsive and do things on a whim, like buy expensive shoes or suddenly decide I want to quit my job and go travelling. I will feel like I am untouchable. Other times, I will resent my boyfriend. I will be bored of him and bored of life, and I will get quite depressed. Sometimes, I will be paranoid, I will feel like everyone is out to get me, their motives are only bad, I will constantly think that I don't really love my boyfriend and that I have to leave him for anyone new. Sometimes, things either are or are not. They are either one thing or another, they cannot be somewhere inbetween. I have issues with ED's and SH which come and go, depending on my mood.
The point is, you're not alone. I know what its like, so if you ever need to talk... : )

p.s. This website might be of use to you... It was to me. http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnose...rder#What%20is

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows...
Keep The Blood In Your Head, And Keep Your Feet On The Ground.

Nov 29th 2010 <3

Do I Divide And Fall Apart?
My Bright's Too Slight To Hold Back All My Dark.

Last edited by Cullen; September 28th 2012 at 10:43 PM. Reason: Extra info.
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder? - September 29th 2012, 12:57 PM

Your symptoms certainly seem to typify BPD behaviours, but the only person who can diagnose you is a psychologist. I was diagnosed with BPD and Depression at 18 (Depression first at 14) and anxiety plus OCD traits. I also experience extreme and very labile mood swings, euphoric and dysphoric episodes. The best place to get in touch with and self-refer is a Personality Disorder Clinic. A good PD psychologist is vital to get you started with DBT and finding a good psychiatrist can offer medication which definitely helps a significant portion of sufferers to manage the debilitating chemical imbalances and and biological deficits which prompt impulsive and uncontrolled behaviour, can also aid transient psychotic symptoms i.e. dissociation.

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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder? - October 3rd 2012, 01:32 PM

Thank you guys so much This really means a lot to me. I have never (knowingly) met another person with BPD so this should be an interesting experience.

I feel like a terrible person because of my actions, and I don't know how to control them because a lot of the time even I don't see what I'm doing. No one I know is understanding or supportive in light of my behaviour (I guess, quite rightly?) and so it would be nice to meet someone who understood it a lot better...
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Re: Borderline Personality Disorder? - October 3rd 2012, 04:49 PM

Don't feel bad because of your actions. You need help, and you deserve help.

The first step is going to the doctor, so you can get the help you need and deserve.

Hugs from Lucy.

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borderline, bpd, cheating, depression, disorder, personality

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