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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
x3FairyTail Offline
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Need some advice.(Do i have depresstion?) - October 13th 2012, 07:03 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi all I'm quite new here and seeking some advice.
I'm very sorry for my bad English hope no one will have problem reading this thread.I don't really know how should i type out my problem hope no one will find it hard to read too.

I don't know what is wrong with me, I been feeling depress for quite long and worst i find my life meaningless. Everyday to me is just "blue". Every time i think about all my problem i will just cry and ever think of dying. I'm very soft hearted person, even I'm on a losing end i will just shallow it. I can't be angry/hate with someone for long i will just forgive them. But i can't forget. I just find myself useless and hopeless. Others people got their strong point but i don't have any!

To others I may look like a weirdo or even nerd.(My point of view) Every time i when out i will have this weird feeling in me(Hard to put it in word) I find people using a weird look to look at me. And worst when some people laugh for no reason my mind will just tell me They are laughing at you! This make me hate going out and worst start to hate myself... This few years its getting worst on how much i hate myself. Every time I'm on Facebook and saw my friend or others picture i will be asking myself this question.
1)Why can't i be normal?
2)Why does people love/like only those good looking?
3)Why god create me like this?
4)Why others can look so great but i can't?
5)Why can't i be like them?
I'm abit overweight, my teacher told me i should cut down on my weight as I'm reaching the danger zone soon.
I always wanted to go for a jog around my area but every time when i think about it my mind will just tell me What for? Even you slim down you are still ugly! No one will even care about you!

I'm very anti-social person, my friend group is very small. To make thing worst i got "betray" by two of my best friend...This make me stop trusting anyone and start to avoid mixing with more people.
My first best friend make fun of on how my hair grow and say something that really hurt me so much. And worst after i gave him something worst around $300+ of online game item he stop contacting me.
My second best friend cheated my money. After i talk to him about it he delete me from Facebook. Sometime when i post some depress thing none of my friend will even make a comment.
When my others(Good looking) friend post anything on their Facebook many of their friend will comment... I always ask myself why those good looking people always win and the ugly will always lose... And this world is just so unfair...
Just look at how many type of job a good looking person can work as...

And my family, all i can say I don't feel any love at my home at all...
My parent don't really care about me at all. I'm always blame for thing my brother did. When I'm sick and ask them for some money to see a doctor they will scold me for it.
And worst i got a brother that only care for himself at home.
   
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Re: Need some advice.(Do i have depresstion?) - October 13th 2012, 07:16 AM

Hey there mate,
I'm sorry you feel this way. Although this post was a bit confusing I worked it out
OKay, I know how you do, so do many users on this site. But, it is even worse when somebody reiterates what you think of yourself. I've been through it, I've always thought I was ugly, a few say omg you're so pretty but then these guys were just like 'you fat ugly slut, fuck you' and I haven't been able to let that go.
So, yeah, it's hard to have depression and feel these emotions and then have someone just tell you what you think.

But, all I can say is, try. Try your hardest, block out the comments and push yourself a little bit harder. It is worth it, it really is.
It sounds like you have low self-esteem which is hard to overcome so all you can do is continue to tell yourself 'you're worth it, you can do this, I can be like those other people' and just reinforce positive thinking to counteract the voice which is telling you all this shit.

If you have always wanted to go jogging, do it! A new friend of mine and I are going to be jogging a bit over 8 k's together and it's pushing ourselves to the limit but it's worth it to see the outcome.

Don't give up on hoping, keep strong,

Jay.


Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly.
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!

When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
   
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