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What could it be? - October 24th 2012, 07:13 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Sorry if this needs moving, I just thought this was the best place to post this, considering I don't really know the full problem. And I want to, I want to fix my life and stop feeling like this.

So, I'm going to start by explaining everything which I do/have done, and I'm going to tag this as triggering, just in case it is:
- [Edited].
- I'm obsessive with counting calories, getting weighed and looking at myself in the mirror (Though I usually cry/feel sick when I look at myself in the mirror).
- I cut, occasionally, though I prefer to carve words into my body.
- I sometimes start to cry for no apparent reason, and that usually leads into panic attacks.
- I went from being incredibly optimistic to being pessimistic about everything.
- I avoid social situations as much as I possibly can, because I feel like everyone is judging me and comparing me.
- When I'm out in public, I assume people are looking at me and thinking that I'm really fat.
- I binge a lot, and occasionally purge (only twice), but I usually just cry and try not to eat at all for the rest of the day.
- I constantly feel miserable.
- I occasionally feel suicidal, though I know I would never kill myself - I have moments where the urge comes and I want to die, but it's always very, very fleeting.
- I know, in reality, I'm far from it, but I feel like I'm the fattest in my group of friends, and all anyone I know notices about me is how fat I am.

There are probably more things which could go into the list of things which I've started doing within the last six months or so, but right now, that's all that I can think of. I'm just average sized, supposedly, but in my own opinion I'm incredibly fat. I've only purged twice, and I haven't ever gone a full day without eating, so. I don't know what it is. Body Dysmorphia? EDNOS? Depression, which is sort of hinting towards an ED? I don't know if anyone will have any idea, I just wondered if there was a chance anyone did. My parents don't get mental health problems, at all, and I don't really have any close friends anymore. I just needed to talk to someone, or at least get some advice/opinion.

Last edited by PSY; October 24th 2012 at 08:45 PM. Reason: Removed explicit description of self-harm.
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Re: What could it be? - October 24th 2012, 08:42 PM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =)

Right now, I think the most important thing is to recognize there's a problem. Giving the problem a name/label can come later, whether it's BDD, EDNOS, depression, anxiety, etc. I encourage you to take the next step (the first was admitting things need to change) and seek help. A psychological professional can do a great deal more for you than we can. You can learn how to process these negative feelings and cope in more effective ways. Receiving a diagnosis could also allow you to receive medication, which may be helpful if the depression/anxiety is caused by chemical imbalances in your brain.

Since your parents may not be very understanding of mental health issues, I would start off by asking to see your regular doctor. During that appointment, you could show him/her the cuts/carved words and ask for a referral to a psychological professional. Your parents will be able to see how the self-harm and disordered eating in particular have a PHYSICAL effect on your body, and making the connection between the physical and PSYCHOLOGICAL effects will be easier to do with a doctor's support.

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