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King_Some_Day Offline
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I'm falling apart... - November 27th 2012, 11:25 AM

Well, for a few months now, I've been lurking around on this site. Up until now, I have been too scared to post anything but now I have gathered the confidence to post. Sorry but his is going to be a very long post...

Okay...so I am currently fifteen years old and I feel as if my life is just crumbling apart while everyone else around me is happy. I have depression, insomnia and anxiety. For about seven to eight months, I have been self harming and for two months, I have been smoking. I grab a coin and scrape up the skin to try and kill myself and then chicken out and toss the coin away and have a smoke. I really don't care if I live or die anymore...but the thing that freaks me out is when my scars scab up and I start to pick them just to watch them bleed. I just do it without realizing until I have already picked them.

I always put my friends first. I put a fake smile on my face, cover up my arms and ask my friends "what's wrong?" They tell me all there problems while I keep myself all closed up, then I get home and slit my wrists while blasting music. My mother is always out working late hours and my father ran off and stopped paying child support back when I was nine.

Now, the only time I really feel "happy" is when I am smoking, writing a story or when I am listening to music. I've never really had someone to talk to and I have lost count of how many times I have tried to kill myself which is why I am posting this on here...I don't want to tell the counselors at my school as they would tell all the teachers and my mother. This is the only place I can post what is going on in my life without anyone I know finding out what my life is really like!

There is so much more that I could write about...like when my father would abuse me and my mother, or when my ex girlfriend cheated on me...but I don't want to just rant on about my problems all night. Thank-you for reading this...if anyone actually does...I just want someone to talk to at the moment..
   
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Adam the Fish Offline
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Re: I'm falling apart... - November 27th 2012, 03:19 PM

Hey,

To start - if you ever need to talk, we're here for you. You can PM or VM me any time that you like (the links are in my siggy) if you want a chat about anything at all.

OK - anxiety, depression and insomnia. Not a great combination, if we're quite frank. All of the three together are going to make the others worse.
The thing is, though, whilst it's hard, you've got to try to not blame yourself for anything like this. It will take time, because it seems that you're quite used to doing it, but you do need to stop being hard on yourself. It is not your fault if something bad happens.

You've been through a hard time yourself, but - as I say - you cannot blame yourself for this, and it seems you're taking it out on yourself.

Smoking and Harming yourself won't help...you know that, I'm sure, but there are better ways to get rid of your stress than that. It's not good for you, and you know deep down that it's not helping.

I can suggest a few things, but really it's up to you to find something that helps that's not harming you.
You can think of good things, or write bad things then tear up the paper, things like that. It will help you a lot more than smoking.

Remember, PM me anytime


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