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Ella.x Offline
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self esteem - December 22nd 2012, 05:58 PM

so, a bit of background info:
I have depression, borderline personality disorder and high levels of anxiety.
Me and my individual therapist have worked out that the reason nothing has helped so far is because I hate myself too much to let me get better. This is a really tricky situation, and the obvious answer is to not hate myself, but how do I do that? I can't remember ever liking myself. This is so deeply ingrained in me that I'm not sure I can ever change the way I feel about myself. Does anyone have any ideas of how to not hate myself?
   
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Re: self esteem - December 23rd 2012, 11:01 PM

I'm glad you've come to us to try and get some help. I'm also glad you're getting help from a counsellor. It's great you've recognised this barrier which is affecting your recovery and the work you're doing too.

I've been thinking and I think I've come to the conclusion that maybe you understanding and knowing why you hate yourself might help. So, my first question is, do you feel you hate yourself because of a particular incident? You know, has something happened in the past which you're now blaming yourself for and hating yourself for? If there is something, maybe it'd be helpful for you to talk through this with your counsellor and get to the bottom of it. Of course you can talk to us as well but your counsellor is qualified and I would expect that they would be able to help you with this more.

I was also wondering whether you beat yourself down? I know I have a lot of hate towards myself but that I often tell myself I'm a bad person and I don't deserve help etc. Do you do this at all? Because I think that if we say something to ourselves enough times, we believe. So maybe you can start picking things out that you like about yourself. Maybe try writing a list of things. Of course there are also going to be things you don't like but it's important not to just focus on the bad things but to focus on the good things and then I guess it's about reinforcing that. Does that make sense?

Anyway, hope this helps a little. Keep smiling


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Re: self esteem - December 28th 2012, 02:24 PM

I really beat myself down. I do it all the time, though I am trying to stop. There's a few things from my past that really make me feel horrible about myself but I feel really uncomfortable talking about them, even to my therapist who I've been seeing for over a year. When I was 9/10 my older brother made me do things. He made it so it was a game of dares. He never forced me to do anything, I just did it. I've never told anyone in real life and I don't think I ever could. I think that's one of the main reasons that I feel so bad about myself. There are other things, but I think this is the main one. I honestly wouldn't know where to even start with telling someone about it.
One of my coworkers yesterday said to me "you really don't like yourself, do you?" I have been trying so hard to hide it. It's really messing things up for me. I hate myself so much that I didn't even pay attention and realise that I had an infected dental abscess until 3 people lectured me, told me I looked like shit and made me go to the dentist - I was convinced it was just a wisdom tooth.
I really wish I didn't hate myself so much. I want to do well in my career and this is really making it difficult. Thanks for the help Jessie, sorry to be such a pain.
   
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