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Becoming my alter ego? - December 31st 2012, 01:18 AM

So a while back, I created an alter ego. She is everything I always wanted to be. Happy, outgoing, smart, caring, nothing bad happens to her, and she is a great singer/actress/dancer. I like pretending to be her all the time. Mostly at night, while I'm alone in my room.

But recently, I think I've started "becoming" her. I want what she wants. I do what she does. She wants to be a Broadway star. And so do I. But I'm not sure if I want it or if she wants it. I think it would be cool to have a career in some sort of science field. I was looking at my local science museum and saw some cool volunteer opportunities. They looked fun. But I don't want to do them, because I am doing theatre. But again, do I really want to do theatre, or does my alter ego want to do theatre?

I've been thinking about my dreams lately. Theatre is fun, but I'm not sure if I want to do it professionally or not. I like science and history, but I don't think I'm smart enough and/or have the patience to pursue either professionally. I'm so confused! But I keep telling myself I want to be on Broadway, but do I really? I can't really see myself on Broadway (I can sometimes, but not others), but I can see myself in a red lab coat in my local science museum.

But anyway, how can I stop myself from becoming my alter ego? I don't want to become her. I want to be myself, but I don't know who myself is anymore.

Sorry if I am not making any sense. But basically, I'm not sure what I want anymore. I'm not sure who I am.


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Re: Becoming my alter ego? - January 1st 2013, 07:49 AM

During your teenage years, you have the opportunity to explore numerous "identities." Erikson, Marcia, and other psychologists have talked about identity formation in great length, and I assure you that you're not alone in your struggle! I've seen people take this to an extreme with their physical appearances (ex. "goth" one week, "jock" the next week, "skater" the next week, and so on), and I've also seen some people take this to an extreme with their lifestyles as well (ex. experimenting with one drug for a month, then stopping altogether and trying another activity for a month, only to stop again and try something else). Personally, as long as you're not referring to a dissociative disorder (where your "alter ego" causes you to lose sense of time, experience foggy/poor memory, etc.), I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with feeling as if you're split in two, or even in several pieces. Part of becoming an adult is incorporating your multiple interests, and discovering who you are as a person. Right now, it may be difficult for you to entertain two very different career paths, so it's easier to "separate" yourself. With time, as you explore these two interests, you'll be able to choose a path, or even incorporate them in some way (ex. having a career in science while performing in amateur theatrical productions), and I believe that will help you feel like a "whole" person again.

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