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flightlessbird1 Offline
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Unhappy Nothing makes me happy anymore.. - January 2nd 2013, 11:58 PM

Hello :/

So I've been battling with these mixed feelings since probably around June of 2012. I kept kjust ignoring them, thinking I was just being emotional like I usually am but they continue to come back, so now I think it's serious.

I had a bit of a rough upbringing. I always had a roof over my head, enough to eat, etc. but mentally, it was rough. My mother constantly drank and just last year got into drugs, and she left last year. At first when she left, it didn't bother me that much because I lived at my aunts for a few months until I went with my dad. Since around June of 2012, I just have been feeling really upset all the time, and nothing that made me happy makes me happy anymore.

I used to love drawing and doing things related to art, now just the thought of having to do my art homework, or any type of homework makes me want to break down and cry. I constantly keep thinking I'm not smart enough to figure it out, and I just get really upset thinking about doing it. I've just been slacking in school because I have no desire to do good in it anymore, and I have no idea why. Where I work, it's layed back and everyone is very nice to me. Yet, if I have to work one day I feel like the day is completely ruined and I just want to cry. I have no idea why I'm reacting to things like this, it scares me sometimes because I'm just NEVER HAPPY.

Also to add to the stress, I've had this huge crush on one of my best friends who is also a girl. It's not that having a crush on another girl is the problem, it's that I'm like 99% sure she doesn't like me back and I want to stay friends with her, but I want to get over these "more than friends" feelings.

Also, I've gained some weight recently because all I want to do is eat, and then after I eat I became upset and I want to cry. I'm obviously probably eating my feelings, and I want it to end.

I feel like I'm depressed probably. I saw a therapist once and he was terrible, so I stopped going to him. Should I go talk to my doctor about what my options are maybe? I just need something to get over this, It's affecting like every part of my life and I just need to get a grip, so to speak. Any advice is helpful, please.

Thank you.
   
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Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.. - January 3rd 2013, 12:09 AM

First, I think you need to stop being quite so hard on yourself.
Whatever she did or didn't mean to you, having your mum leave would have been a big emotional "jolt" so to speak.

The way you're feeling certainly isn't great, and I'd definitely recommend going to your doctor, as well as possibly confiding in a friend or teacher that you particularly trust.

What I'll suggest about your friend is that you need to make your mind up, because brooding and wondering over it won't help you. You can either tell her...or try to forget it and move on. You don't necessarily have to, but it will probably feel better than constantly having "what if"s and "possibly"s going round your head.

I also think that you might find it useful to confide in someone a bit more; like the thread here at TH. Personally, my best friend is a source for confiding anything and everything in, as well as TH being a great place for support with things. You could use TH, tell a friend or perhaps just write poems or use other forms of self expression (maybe getting back into art?) to express your emotions and how you feel.

Feel free to PM me if you ever need to talk, also.


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Re: Nothing makes me happy anymore.. - January 3rd 2013, 08:04 AM

It does sound a lot like depression and I think seeing your GP to discuss it is an excellent idea. It sucks to feel yuck all the time, and if you're not enjoying things that used to bring you pleasure, that's a huge pointer.

The emotional upheaval of all that's happened with your mother is going to have some impact too, so it's quite possible that when you see your GP they will recommend counselling. Remember, you don't have to go with the first person you get referred to, if you don't feel you can "click" with them, you can ask to referred to somebody different, who you can work with.

As for the feelings - I used to have very strong feelings for a friend, but I knew she didn't feel the same way, and I valued the friendship - so I didn't say anything. Every relationship is different though, so if you think your friendship can cope with her knowing you have more intimate feelings for her, then communicate that. If you don't think it's up to it, then keep it quiet for the time being.

But yeah, sounds like things have been going not so great for quite a while, and you seeing a GP to discuss really does sound like a good idea.
   
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